Hit Me with Your Best Shot
by King in Yellow
Summary: Kim is too ill to fight! The second stringers fail to stop Drakken! Shego seizes the chance to put her own evil plans into motion. A hostage in hand is worth two in the bush. Can Shego fail by herself, without Drakken's help, or is she doomed to crash and burn in ignoble victory? Title points to Pat Benatar, but plot took a turn. Maybe I'll write the original idea someday. Not BEU
1. Ebony and Ivory

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Chapter title is a 1982 song written by Paul McCartney and recorded with Stevie Wonder. In the context of this story it should be considered ironic, since you won't be getting any perfect harmony.

 **Ebony and Ivory**

Drakken blinked and stared again at the two captives. "Who are they?" he whispered to Shego.

"You don't need to whisper," she sighed. "Or are you trying to hide the fact you're an... You really don't recognize him?"

"No... Should I? He... Hmmm, he looks slightly familiar... Ah, Kim Possible's kick in the head, Rob."

"Sidekick," Ron corrected him, "and it's Ron."

"He may have had the kick in the head right," Shego smirked. She did a quick step and her hand darted out, snaring a small pink form. Rufus twisted, and prepared to– "Bite me and it's the last hand you'll ever bite," she warned.

"Heel, Rufus," Ron ordered.

Shego dropped the naked mole rat in a bag and tied it shut. "However, I don't recognize her either, unless Kim has spent way, way too much time under a sun lamp."

"Not funny. My name is Monique."

"Okay, your name is Monique. Who the hell are you?"

"I'm, ah, Kim's emergency backup if Ron isn't available."

"I'll let Doctor D here ask the obvious question."

"Thank you, I–" he paused. "Exactly what did you mean by that."

The green woman shrugged, "Take it any way you like."

"Fine. The question is, where is Kim Possible?"

"She has mono. The doctor isn't letting her leave the house."

"Mono?"

"Mononucleosis," explained Shego. "She has so little respect for you that she's sending out assistant assistants to stop... I don't know about you, but I am deeply insulted."

Ron explained, "She, umm, didn't know we went out. Wade called me and, I, uh..."

"Okay, so it's you who insulted us. And Monique here isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer since she came along for the disaster."

Monique wanted to say something in her own defense, but realized it would come off simply as blaming Ron. He was to blame, but she suspected he already felt bad enough that she saw no reason to add to his misery.

"What do we do with them?" Drakken asked his assistant. "I have a new death trap prepared for Kim Possible. We could drop them in it."

"Let's think this through," Shego told him. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why waste a perfectly good death trap on them? They've just proven they're no threat."

"I want to test my– Ah! We dispose of them so that no one will know where the new lair is!"

Shego sighed, "Two problems." She pointed to Ron, "First, he did not have the brains to figure out where the lair is. Right?"

"Right," answered Ron.

"That would be their computer nerd," Shego explained to Drakken. "Taking these two out will not keep the lair from Kim Possible. And while I can't understand why, I have a sneaking suspicion the cheerleader might get real pissed off if we bumped these two clowns off. Call it a hunch. You really want to risk getting Princess angry?"

Drakken hesitated, he didn't want to admit to fearing Kim Possible, nor did he want to face Shego's sarcastic laughter if he boldly denied being afraid of Kim. "So, ah, what do you suggest we do with these two?"

"Three," Ron said.

Drakken looked puzzled. Shego held up the bag in her hand, "Three," she agreed, counting Rufus. "And he's probably the most competent of the trio. You're the evil genius and sign the paycheck. What do you propose?"

"You're just saying that so you can shoot down whatever I say," pouted Drakken.

"Well, duh. Why should today be any different than any other day?"

"Okay, we chain them up and–"

"Problem!" Shego interrupted.

"You didn't even give me time to finish!"

"Chaining up a black gets you in all kinds of trouble with the Feds. Something about eighteen-sixty-five and the Civil War being over. Emancipation Proclamation and all that yada yada yada."

"African-American," Monique corrected her. "Not black, African-American."

"You born in Africa?"

"Uh, no. I was born in Cleveland. We moved to Middleton from–"

"So why aren't you a Cleveland-American?"

"Well, African-American means–"

"When did your ancestors come over?"

"I don't know."

"Someone moves to the US from Jamaica. Her ancestors brought to the Caribbean as slaves five hundred years ago. She a Jamaican-American or an African American?"

"I... I'd call her an African-American. I mean, her people came from Africa originally."

"You want to talk originally? Best guess is we all came from Africa originally."

"What?" Drakken demanded.

"Best guess by the anthropology guys," shrugged Shego. "Human beings originated in Africa, we think. Some of us got out earlier than others. Maybe someday the anthropology guys will theorize that humanity originated in Cleveland, and the blacks were the first people to wise up and move out." Shego turned back to Monique, "So, Chocolate, am I an African-American?"

"Chocolate is an–"

"Yes or no, am I an African-American?"

"No."

"You said if someone's ancestors were from Africa five hundred years ago they–"

"Five hundred years isn't that long."

"Okay, maybe not. Now, how about ethnic groups of North Africa? The Copts, Berbers and other people have been there thousands of years don't consider themselves black Africans. Or you've got the Boers who've lived centuries in–"

"You're confusing me."

"Oh, I haven't even started. The politically correct phrase to use keeps changing. Colored, Negro,–"

"Those were insulting terms."

"They were terms the African-American community preferred to what the whites were calling them. Whites name the NAACP or the United Negro College Fund?"

"Where do you get this stuff?" whined Drakken.

"High school diversity class."

Monique asked, "You flunk?"

"Highest grade in the class," Shego assured her smugly.

"So you plan to talk them to death?" Drakken complained. "The question is what do we do with them?"

Ron chimed in, "I'm, uh, a little curious too."

"Okay, cheerleader will be on her feet eventually. Nothing like a good hostage to keep her from–"

"That never worked in the Doc Savage books," Drakken pointed out.

"Doc Savage?"

"Hero in magazines in the thirties, the stories were reprinted as paperbacks. I had them all... Until Kim Possible blew up my second lair."

"Fortunately we're not in cheap magazines from the thirties. We keep one of Pumpkin's friends as hostage and threaten to drop the hostage to a shark or something if she shows up."

"So, who is our hostage?"

Shego held up the bag, "While I think the rat is the most dangerous of the lot I don't want to clean up after him. And while Doofus can usually be counted on to lose his pants and cause problems he is also capable of being effective once in awhile. The fact Katherine Hepburn here is emergency backup says she's the one least–"

Drakken looked puzzled, "I thought her name was Monique... Isn't Katherine Hepburn dead?"

Monique thought she had it figured out. "That was the name of the boat!"

"Chocolate or Kate. Your choice," Shego offered.

"Kate," sighed Monique. Ron and Drakken stared blankly. "African Queen," she explained.

Ron and Drakken still appeared equally lost. "African Queen?"

Shego looked at Monique, "I need to give you more respect. You've got cultural literacy." She looked back and forth between Ron and Drakken. "Classic movie. Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn. And if either of you need to ask who Humphrey Bogart was, I will hurt you. Clear?"

"So... Rod and Rufus?" asked Drakken, changing the subject. "What do we do with them?"

"Turn them loose. Let them tell Princess we're holding Ebony as hostage to–"

A cell phone started ringing. The four looked at each other. Monique's skin tone concealed her blush, "I, ah, forgot to turn the ringer off," she stammered.

Shego took the phone from Monique's cargo pocket. "Hello? ... No, she can't come to the phone right now, all tied up. ... Yes, very busy here at Club Banana. ... Take a message? Sure. ... Um. ... Okay. ... I'll tell her immediately. Hope your sister comes through the surgery with flying colors."

"What was it?" Monique demanded when Shego disconnected.

"Wrong number."

"It wasn't, it... My aunt?"

"Yeah. Your Mom's leaving town. You were supposed to watch your brothers... How many?"

"Two. I–"

"Keep me as the hostage," Ron exclaimed. "She needs to go."

"I hate to point this out," Shego pointed out, "but it's the choice of the captors on which captive they want to keep. You don't get a vote."

"Please," Ron begged, "this was my idea. Let her go."

"Already told you, not your choice. Too risky to keep you. That rat is dangerous. Need a hostage we can keep control of."

"But... You want Kim to come out and try and fight you while she's sick!"

"Not my plan, but that's actually not bad. There is evil hope for you."

"My brothers need me... My mom's counting on me," Monique begged. "I'll come back and serve as hostage as soon as my mom gets back! Word of honor, I'll do anything!"

Shego raised an eyebrow, "Anything?"

"I... I won't hurt anyone. I won't do anything to hurt Kim."

Shego looked at Ron, "Her word of honor any good?"

"Absotuvily! You can trust Monique."

Shego, told them, "Let me think about this a second," and fell silent.

"Don't I get any say in this?" objected Drakken.

"No," Shego told him flatly. "And I said give me a minute to think."

After time to think, Shego demanded, "You will recognize yourself as my hostage–"

"Our hostage!"

"Fine, you will recognize yourself as our hostage. You'll tell Cupcake that you're our hostage and tell her she can't pick a fight with me while you're hostage?"

Monique hesitated, "But you'll attack her! I said I won't help you hurt her."

"Oh, I promise not to attack her – unless she attacks first and it's self-defense. Cross my black and treacherous little heart, I won't start a fight with her."

Monique looked at Ron, "She's lying, right?"

"Uh, It's weird, but she's got her own code of honor. If she makes a promise she'll keep it."

"But there's a trick in there somewhere, right?"

"Of course there is," Shego answered. "I don't think Kim can keep in control. If she attacks me... There may be a couple other angles I can use here. But word of honor, I won't throw first punch, kick, head-butt, plasma blast, or even a paper airplane at her. You going to watch your brothers or not?"

Monique looked at Ron, "What should I do?"

"I'm the one who got us in this... Wade can think of something."

"Good point," complimented Shego. "One of the angles I need to work on." She looked at Monique, "Taking my offer or not?"

"I... I accept."

Shego grinned, "Good." She leaned over and with a slash of razor tipped gloves freed Ron's legs, and pulled him to his feet. "Turn around," she ordered. Ron closed his eyes and said a little prayer, as she slashed off the ropes binding his arms. "Here's the rat. Get out. Soon as you're in Middleton call Princess and tell her we're holding Monique as hostage."

"But you said–"

"And Monique should beat you back to Middleton. I'll drive her. You're going to confirm the fact Monique is our hostage, Cupcake might think I had a gun at her head or something."

"Go, Ron," Monique urged him. "It's not like we've got a lot of choices."

Ron and Rufus reluctantly headed down the passage. Ron felt he should go back and try a rescue, but feared he might only make things worse if he tried. What if Monique wasn't back at Middleton by tonight? Kim was sick, but she might try a rescue and get hurt. Maybe he could call Team Go for help...

"Now what?" Drakken demanded.

"Give me a minute to... Oh, need two ankle bracelets, like the GPS things they put on to monitor... Yeah, make one of them a GPS. We'll advertise it as a bomb."

"You're putting a bomb on my leg?" Monique asked nervously.

"No, but you'll tell Kim you have a bomb on your leg."

"I... I don't want to lie to her."

"You're 'I'll do anything' doesn't go very far. Fine, you can tell her you're our hostage right?"

"Right."

"Then you hand your cell phone to me and I'll lie to her. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut. Oh, and tell Pumpkin you promised you wouldn't let Nerdlinger scan it, examine it, or try and remove it. Got that?"

"Other than the Nerdlinger part... You mean Wade?"

"Yep." She looked over at Drakken, "Why are you still here? I told you to make a couple ankle bracelets. Make them fancy, the viewer should be in awe of your handiwork."

Drakken smiled as he ambled off, "Sense of awe," he mumbled.

"You come with me while I pack a few things," Shego ordered Monique.

"Pack?"

"Yeah, I'm crashing at your place while your Mom's gone."

"But–"

"I'll do anything, remember? I'll tell Kim you have to stay within ten miles of me, or the bomb on your leg goes off. She doesn't come out here 'cause she wants to keep you safe. I get a break from boy blue's rants, and he gets a break from my snark. Wins all around."

"What do I tell my brothers? I was thinking maybe I wouldn't mention the hostage stuff."

"Don't. Why complicate things with the truth?"

"They're going to ask why you're staying."

"I'm your tutor. Got a class you're flunking?"

"I'm earning straight A's."

"Gimme a minute..." Shego stuck out her right hand for a shake, "Hi, I'm with the executive office of affirmative action. I'm here to help you with your essay for your application to Harvard."

Monique shook her head 'no', "Not interested. Got my application into Yale. Better program."

Shego stuck out her right hand out a little further for emphasis, "I'm with the executive office of affirmative action. I'm here to help you with your essay for Harvard. You need a backup school in case Yale turns you down."

Monique shrugged, and shook hands.

"Now, as an older sister myself, I will not show you disrespect in front of your brothers. I will–"

"Thank you."

"You will let me finish. In front of your brothers I call you Monique. And, in return, you don't whine like a baby if I call you Ebony, Mahogany, Chocolate, or Kate when they aren't around."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I need to figure out what I'm comfortable with."

"And what I'm comfortable with doesn't matter, of course."

"You're getting with the program," Shego told her.

Shego packed a few items, then announced, "Need to change." She stripped off the distinctive black-and-green outfit and donned a white garment.

"You look like a hospital orderly," a puzzled Monique commented.

"Perfect."

"And you have the body of a model."

"Yeah, I'm perfect... So, you enjoy watching?"

"N-no," the dark girl stammered, "I... I work at a clothing–"

"Oh yeah, Club Banana. Lie to your mom about where you're going often?"

"No, Ron called and... I have to look at people changing all day long. Lots of times they ask about... I wasn't watching!"

"'Cause it's okay if you were... Oh, your promise to do anything does not give anyone access to your body. Good sex is consensual. Rape is as nasty as crime gets - worse than murder in my opinion. Now, if at some point you decide you're interested, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you?"

"I don't whistle!" Monique assured her in a panicked voice. "I don't whistle!"

"And I told you, I will respect that," Shego told her calmly. "Look, working for Doctor D is a lot like babysitting a six-year old. I don't get a lot of 'me' time, and I get horny. But I respect everyone's right to his or her own body. But, like I said, I get–"

"I, ah, really don't need to hear this."

"You work retail?" Monique nodded. "So you know the value of advertising. I'm going to be staying at your place for who knows how long. Maybe you know someone you can hook me up with. Hell, I'm so horny if Pumpkin wanted to hop in the sack with me I'd probably do it. We might try to kill each other afterward..." Shego grinned, "Might be fun. Cheerleader and I are so competitive we'd probably leave each other too exhausted to fight. Point is, you find some nice guy or gal to set me up with while you're my hostage and I'll let you choose your own nickname for me to use."

Drakken offered to put the ankle bracelets on the women, but Shego turned him down and fastened her own, and Monique prepared to wear the other, "No bomb, right?"

"No bomb," Drakken sulked, "just a GPS so we can check on where you are... Oh, and it signals if you remove it."

Shego complimented him with, "Good job."

Monique called Kim before they left the lair.

"Wha?" Kim weakly croaked.

"Kim, bad news. Ron and I tried to stop Drakken and Shego. We were captured–"

"Free now?"

"No. I mean, they freed Ron and Rufus, I'm a hostage."

"I'll–"

"You'll stay in bed," Monique told her. "They're letting me come back to Middleton, but I gave them word of honor I'm their captive. I think I have to come back later. This has to be a trick to make you do something while you're so weak. Anyway, I'll give the phone to Shego. She'll tell you the rules."

"Shego? Wha–"

Shego took the phone and addressed the invalid in cheerful voice. "Sorry to hear you're sick. Hey, don't like pulling the wings off flies, but didn't need clowns interrupting Doctor D's new plans, and no zoo would take the three of them. I just turned Ron and Rufus loose, didn't even put tracking tags in their ears. They'll probably be in Middleton soon. We planned to keep Ebony here as hostage, but family emergency came up for her, and since I'm such a softy I offered her a deal; she agreed to keep the hostage status while she's on parole. She and I are wearing ankle bracelets. Want to guess which one of us doesn't have a bomb in hers? Anyway, I'm crashing at her place during her family emergency. As long as she stays within ten miles of me she's fine. I get a call from Blue Boy that you're in the lair and I come back to help him. Maybe Monique isn't interested in dancing on two legs. But your friend made me promise I won't start a fight with you. I keep my promises. You start a fight with me and I clean your clock. That clear?"

"Tha's crazy," Kim responded weakly.

"Get your sleep, Cupcake. I'll let Monique give you a call when we get to Middleton."

Kim stared at the phone in her hand. Were the medications causing her to hallucinate or the pain from the mono? She wondered about it briefly before drifting back to troubled sleep.

The elevator took the women down to the garage. "What is that?" Monique asked when Shego pointed her at a sleek black and green vehicle.

"Custom body from Motor Ed. Police can't identify the make, or the plate. Plate's Eastern European. If police don't know what it is they may not call it in – too much work. Get in."

When she hit the highway Shego threw a switch, green and white lights started flashing, and Shego put the hammer down.

Monique barely managed to keep from screaming with fear before asking, "What are you doing?"

"Told Ron I'd beat him back to Middleton."

"This is... The police will..."

"Don't talk, need to focus on driving."

The sound of a siren came to them. Monique wasn't sure if she should feel relief or fear. It would be a relief if Shego were arrested, but fear knotted her stomach that the green woman might attempt to outrun the cruiser.

Shego pulled over, leaned out the window and frantically gestured for the officer to approach. "You idiot! Didn't you get the call?" she shouted in an angry tone.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hurry! Didn't you get the message?" As the officer reached the vehicle she pointed at the back seat. Monique had paid no attention to the back seat. A cooler, hooked up to a refrigerator unit, and covered with stickers proclaiming 'transplant organs' filled the space. "The dispatcher was supposed to alert every law enforcement agency on the way to Middleton! Two patients are getting prepped for this. I got to move stat!"

"I didn't–"

"New dispatcher. Fucking moron. Got the call wrong. Not your fault."

"Want a police escort?"

"Thanks, I– No, can you call ahead and alert highway patrol and police I'm coming through?"

"Sure. Sorry I–"

"Not your fault. I gotta go."

The officer stepped into the highway and directed oncoming traffic into the left lane so Shego could pull onto the highway. "Thanks," she called out as her green and white flashers went on and she accelerated away.

A couple miles down the road Monique admitted, "If you weren't evil that might have been funny."

"You can't be evil and funny?"


	2. Raven Hair and Ruby Lips

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Someone sent a warning to treat Monique's father fairly... I drew a blank, until gerbilHunter reminded me of all we know of Monique's dad from canon. He plays golf. I've, uh, had to expand him considerably to play fair with him.

There is a chance other bits of Witchy Woman by the Eagles, 1972, may appear as other chapter titles... Somehow I end up thinking of Shego whenever I hear the song.

 **Raven Hair and Ruby Lips, Sparks Fly from Her Finger Tips**

As they continued the drive to Middleton Shego asked, "Okay, your mom is helping her sister, why dump your brothers on you, where is your dad?"

"You leave dad out of this," snapped Monique

"Oh... No dad, huh? You hear about–"

"I said drop it!" Shego paused a second, but Monique knew she would say more. "Okay, I'll tell you... This is just to keep you some saying anything dumbass in front of my brothers. Dad and Mom are separated. _Separated_ , not divorced... We did okay in Ohio. Did fine. Dad and Mom argued too much about... He came north on football scholarship, wanted to go home. Said he could make a lot more on an oil rig out on the gulf. Mom said... Great-grandparents left Mississippi in... They didn't say they left Mississippi, they said they escaped Mississippi. Settled in Detroit. Mom said no way we were going back to... Anyway, Mom got job offer in Middleton, with a big raise. Dad... Dad wasn't going to... said... I don't think he could take mom earning more money than... He said if we needed more money he'd take job on the gulf... He's been up a couple times since we moved. Mom won't let... He's no deadbeat! He sends checks, big checks. Mom banks them, says with three kids to put through college... Don't say anything about my dad!"

Monique lapsed into silence. Shego had heard more personal details than she was comfortable hearing. After a pause she asked a tangential question, "You said great-grandparents left Mississippi? When? Great Migration?"

"Yeah, nineteen-seventeen. Good job, Miss A in diversity class." Monique suspected Shego was trying to change the subject, but thought the reason might be the green woman trying to spare Monique's feelings rather than the fact Shego was uncomfortable with the level of personal detail.

"The teacher claimed some blacks had to forge letters from whites in order to buy train tickets. I couldn't believe that."

"I never heard my people did that, but I heard it happened. Civil War didn't end _de facto_ slavery... So, Miss A, for extra credit, do you wanta guess why my grandfather left Detroit? Detroit. That's the hint."

"Um... Race riots in... One of the war years. Forty-two?"

"Forty-three for the riots. Close enough for bonus points. Family left in forty-four."

"Told you I was good."

Both women appreciated several miles of silence.

As Shego and Monique neared Middleton Shego warned Monique, "I don't want to park this thing on the street. It would attract thieves. Honestly, there are just too many crooks in the world. Know anything about rental garage space in Middleton?"

"We have a garage under our apartment building. Mom probably took a cab to the airport and left me the car, but there are usually some open spots. I'll call the Super and he'll probably let you use one for awhile."

"Good."

Monique still wasn't entirely sure about the ground rules for being a hostage, "Uh, Shego? Nelson and Steve aren't–"

"Nelson and Steve?"

"My brothers, and–"

"So why aren't you Winnie?"

Monique managed a nervous grin, "You are good, but the criminal accusations were already being made when I was born. The point is, my brothers aren't stupid, your 'She's here to help me with college essay' isn't going to fly. Can't give them a dumbass explanation."

"Yeah, I was just kind of thinking that myself."

"Got another idea?"

"We could tell them the truth. You do-gooders seem to like that stupid idea."

"And have them worried and call the police?"

"See how much better lying is than telling the truth? If the truth scares people you need to keep things in a happy place with a nice lie."

"Fine. Got a good lie?"

"I'd rather have a good lay... Hey, how's this? Because your good bud, Kim, is sick someone in the witness protection program will be staying with you until the Feds need her testimony. Are your brothers old enough to understand need for secrecy? I mean, they wouldn't want Al Capone shooting up your building to get rid of a witness, right?"

"Scaring them into silence is the best you can do?"

"You got a better plan I'll listen to it."

"Give me to Middleton... Oh, and what do I call you? They may have heard of Shego."

"Paris Green."

"Excuse me?"

"Give them that name."

"That's your name?"

"Of course not, it's the alias I'm using in the government's witness protection program."

"It sounds like a stripper."

"It sounds like a poison. Very popular for offing yourself in the early twentieth century."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"How do you know about poisons? You never–"

"Team Go had a villain who used them. Was a good idea to do a little reading up on poisons at the time."

"Kim said you used to be a good guy."

"Honey, I ain't never been a guy."

"You know what I mean. Kim heard heard you quit when–"

"Heard from whom?"

"Your brother Hego. He said–"

"Did Kim also tell you that brother cement-head isn't the sharpest frog in the blender?"

"She didn't use that term, but, if I understand you right–"

"You're no dummy."

"Okay, she said he wasn't going to win any fights using his head."

"Oh, he can use his head all right. Comes in handy for battering through brick walls... Thinking? Not so much."

"So... Why did you–"

"And that, Kate, is none of your damn business. Under normal circumstances that is something you will never bring up. Period."

Monique wondered about what didn't count as normal circumstances, but it seemed like a good idea not to ask Shego the question. "Okay. Got it. Hostage rule number one, don't piss off the captor."

"Could you tell Princess that? She seems to have a little trouble with the concept whenever I capture her."

"Did she promise to be a good hostage?"

"No."

"I suspect that makes all the difference."

Shego sighed, "You're probably right."

* * *

Monique called the building superintendent as they reached Middleton's outskirts and was assigned an extra parking spot – if it was needed more than a week her guest would be charged for it. Monique had no idea how long the situation might last, and also mentioned to Shego, "Since we don't have a remote, let me out and I'll punch in the code."

Monique hesitated, then plunged ahead with something on her mind, "Uh, I don't have a lot of experience in a hostage relationship, but–"

"That's okay. This captor gig is new territory for me too. Usually we just drop Princess into one of Drakken's lame traps and she escapes. What was number one? Don't piss off the captor?"

"Yeah, but I think we'll need a few more. We should probably discuss house rules after my brothers are in bed."

The green woman shrugged, "Makes sense. We didn't do a lot of planning ahead. Oh, call the cheerleader and report you're home safe – and ask if Rufus is back home yet."

"Can I collect my brothers first?"

"Fine," grumbled Shego. "But listening to me will be in the ground rules for this relationship."

"I'm listening, but I'm not turning off common sense."

* * *

The black woman reclaimed Nelson and Steve from a neighbor in the apartment building and handled the introductions. "Miss Green... That's not her real name. Sometimes, if you're living in a bad place, you need to get out so you don't get hurt. She needs a safe place to stay for a few days... Actually, not really clear how long. You know my friend Kim. Well, Kim is sick. And it's because Kim is sick that I was gone for a while today, and why Miss Green is staying here with us. Now, because we want her to be safe you shouldn't talk about her at school or to your friends. If one of the neighbors asks about a woman they don't recognize coming in or out of our apartment you just say she's a friend of your sister, okay?"

The brothers nodded agreement. "How long will she be here? 'Til mom gets back?"

"Probably. Like I said, it isn't clear yet. And if Miss Green needs help finding a towel or anything you help her. Always be nice to a guest."

"Want to know where the towels are?" Nelson, the youngest brother, asked.

"I'll show her," promised Monique. "Now, watch television or something while I clean kitchen."

The brothers watched basketball on television as Monique worked on dinner in the small kitchen. In the limited space Shego was mostly in Monique's way, but the pale woman had a complaint to voice. "Get out for fear of getting hurt?" Shego whispered angrily. "You tell me not to give them a dumbass story and then you give them one? Afraid of some jerk hurting me? I don't get hurt, and I'm not afraid of anything! Some guy tries to abuse me they'll find his pieces scattered over three counties!"

"It's better than your witless protection program," Monique shot back. "That would have had them telling everyone. Don't you know anything about kids?"

"Of course I do! I had younger brothers and... Okay, you're right," she conceded.

* * *

Shego watched television as Monique and her brothers did homework. After the brothers went to bed Monique finished cleaning the kitchenette Shego reminded her, "Did you call Pumpkin the way I told you, and tell her you arrived safely and ask if Doofus is back yet?"

"It's too late now. She needs her sleep. You seem awfully interested in hearing about Kim."

"I just want to know we beat Ron back to Middleton. And Kim's probably wide awake and worried about you."

"I could call Ron."

"Call Kim."

Monique sighed, "I'll call her mom and ask if she's awake."

Anne Possible answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, this is Monique. I'm sorry, I don't want to wake Kim up is she's asleep, but if she's worried about me and awake I wanted her to know I'm home."

"Worried about you?"

"Long story... Is she awake?"

"Let me check."

Shego, impatient, demanded, "Well?"

"Her mom is checking to see if she's asleep or not."

Anne's voice came back on the phone, "She says to call her. Please keep it short."

"How's she doing?" ordered Shego.

"A little better, her mom says. I'll call and–"

"Tell her you're fine... You feel fine? Ask how she's feeling."

"How about I make the call, and try to keep it short. She needs her sleep."

The call lasted longer than Monique had hoped. And listening to just one half of the conversation convinced Shego that a lot of the discussion concerned her. When the conversation ended, with another reassurance from Monique that she was fine and an order to Kim to, 'Get some sleep', the green woman demanded, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"How's she doing?"

"She's sick, remember?"

"I don't hurt hostages, but give me a real answer or I'll declare your hostage status is over and punch you. How is she?"

"Let me make a couple cups of tea and... You like tea?" Shego shook her head yes. "Okay, we'll sit at the kitchen table and talk for a minute. Maybe work on ground rules."

"You still haven't told me how Kim is doing!"

"She's sick! That is the extent of the news. Accept it and move on."

"Fine. Is Stoppable back yet?"

"Forgot to... Let me get kettle on the stove, I'll call his number while we're waiting for the boil."

Monique dialed, "Back yet?" ... "I got back over an hour ago." ... "Uh, not exactly. Shego is here." ... "Yes, she is – but she's not threatening me or anything." ... "I don't know how long she'll be here." ... "No, it's not your fault. I'm a free agent. You didn't twist my arm and make me do anything." ... "It doesn't matter, you–" Shego waved her arms frantically to get Monique's attention. "Hold on, I think she has something to say."

"Is he back yet?"

"Just got home."

Shego clenched her fist and pumped her arm in victory, "Yes!"

"No, nothing important," the black woman told Ron, "she considers getting to Middleton faster than you a victory of some kind." ... "Hold on, let me ask." She looked at Shego, "Can he stop by and verify I'm all right?"

"As long as he doesn't start a fight. I'm this wonderful, sweet person. I have no idea why crazies are always starting fights with me."

"Ron, hear that?" ... "She said it's fine as long as you don't start a fight." ... "Okay, see you soon." Monique looked at the stove. "Kettle's boiling. Green, black, or orange zinger?"

Shego yawned, "This late? Orange zinger."

Monique put the tea bags in the mugs, filled them with boiling water, and the two women sat down at the table. "Okay, Kim did not go into a lot of detail. But she said the first few times you fought she thinks you were really trying to kill her. Then, you had chances to kill her, and you didn't. And this year she says you've saved her life several times. Why? What's going on?"

"Remember what I said about asking why I joined with Drakken?"

"Is that the same as leaving Team Go? It was something like, under normal circumstances I shouldn't ask?"

"That's right."

"Um, would it be rude to ask what kind of unusual circumstances you might talk about either of those?"

"Let me see... Three off the top of my head. Get me drunk and I might talk too much. I have been known to babble after sex. Or if there is a gun at my head. Of course, with a gun at my head I'll just lie."

They had almost finished their tea when Ron arrived at the apartment. He joined the two at the table and explained his tale of woe on finding a ride.

"Hey, I don't like asking personal questions," Shego began, then hesitated. "Okay, that's a lie. I love asking personal shit. You and Kim. There were a few times there you called her your girlfriend. It sounded pretty unbelievable. Then she agreed, and now I don't think I've heard that in months."

Monique looked puzzled, "There wasn't any question there."

"Of course there... What happened?"

Ron shrugged. "Kim and I have been best friends, like forever. We dated for awhile. Dating didn't work. We're still best friends. What's to say?"

"You weren't good in bed or something?"

"As I understand it," Monique offered, "they just had different expectations in a romantic relationship. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Ron is laid back, hanging around doing nothing is fine and–"

"It's not doing nothing!" the blond protested.

"Low key," Monique corrected, "just being together playing video games is fine, and–"

"See! See! Video games is not doing nothing."

"Yes, Ron," sighed Monique. "I mean, I love Kim like a sister, but honestly she is kind of high maintenance. Her idea of romantic relationship is flowers, movie dates, and fancy restaurants and stuff like that. And while I love Ron like a brother he may be a little too laid back – microwave popcorn while playing video games in his parents' basement is a hot date."

"So, which one of them is bitter and resentful about the breakup?" Shego asked, "I can give him or her hell over it."

"Bad news," Monique told her. "they're both fine. They're still best friends, they just decided the boyfriend-girlfriend thing didn't work out of them. I think they both feel better with the stress of trying to adjust to new relationship was over and they could go back to normal."

"I resent that," Ron told her with pride. "I've never been normal." Shego snerked at the comment and Ron looked at her. "Uh, personal favor. Could you, uh, step into the hall for a minute so I can ask Monique a question?"

"If you're asking her to the prom you're probably a little late."

"Please?"

"Okay... I'll give you a couple minutes. You try locking me out and you're in real trouble, understood?"

Shego stepped into the hall for five minutes to give the two a chance to talk privately. Ron's first question was to point to the ankle chain and whisper, "Bugged?"

"No."

They talked a few minutes, and Monique tried without success to calm Ron's fears. On opening the door to let Shego back into the apartment he begged the green woman, "This was my fault. I talked her into it. I should be the hostage. Can I take her place, please?"

Shego raised an eyebrow and gave him a cynical look, "You're asking me to camp out at your place? That seems very self-serving."

"That's not what I mean! I'm Kim's regular partner and–"

"And right now, Princess is too sick to fight. You're feeling too guilty to fight, and Kate here poses no danger to me. I'm looking at this as a free vacation – unless one of you tries something stupid. No one does anything dumb and Drakken gets a chance to fail all by himself without Kim busting in to blame it on, I get some time away from his yammering. Kim recuperates. And Monique gets the pleasure of my company."

Ron complained, "What's there for me?"

Shego grinned and reached over and pinched his cheek, "Why must it always be about you? Can't you be happy that the rest of us are happy?"

"But what happens if Drakken's plan works this time? Or when Kim gets healthy?"

Monique threw in, "Or when my Mom comes home?"

The green woman shrugged, "You both need to learn to relax. Working for Doctor D has taught me a very important lesson, everything is going to blow up in your face eventually and the best laid plans will all go to hell. So appreciate the now. You can't plan for everything, so stay flexible. Be ready to cross that bridge in the middle of the horse."

* * *

Monique and Shego returned to the table after Ron's departure, "Another cup of tea?"

"No thanks. Discuss ground rules. You were right we should have thought of this earlier."

"Yeah, well kind of hard to change that now. I signed up as hostage for the duration. What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I'm kind of playing this by ear. I've never had an 'on-my-honor' hostage before... My assumption is that at some point Kim is well enough to fight, and while I'm beating her you will be allowed to consider yourself free."

"While you're beating Kim? That doesn't seem–"

"I always beat her," Shego snarled. "But meanwhile Drakken can't beat the mole rat, so I have to leave off fighting Princess to save Drakken's blue butt, and she thinks she won. But I'm always beating her." She paused to take a deep breath. "Problem is, I think that doctors want you to take it easy for a couple months after a bout with mono. I think the issue will be when is your Mom getting back? I assume the welcome mat gets rolled up around here when that happens."

"Okay, we're playing that by ear too. I've got no idea how long Mom might be gone. Aunt Shirley didn't marry, so has no kids to look after her. Her health has never been great, and Mom's the caregiver. Mom can telework, but... If Aunt Shirley dies... It may take her awhile to recover too. Mom may need to stay for who knows how long."

"Rough plan, I'm here until your Mom gets home or Kim recovers enough that she really can fight without giving her doctor a heart attack. Your mom gets home first and I tell Pumpkin I've deactivated the bomb on your leg and head back to Drakken's lair. You remain honorary hostage until Kim finishes recovery."

Monique shrugged, "Guess it's a plan. Uh, I'm not sure if a captive is allowed to make requests of a captor, but I was wondering if you could give me some martial arts lessons while you're around. Kim and I took down a group called the Fashionists once... I thought I was pretty good. That was what gave me the confidence to get my clock cleaned going up against you and Drakken today."

"Technically I think you were supposed to take out Drakken while Doofus handled me. You might even have been able to do it."

"You mopped the floor with me."

"I mopped the floor with both of you. So, now you're asking me to give you lessons on how to beat me? Ain't gonna happen."

"I'm never going to be Kim's level. She's been training her whole life and has got, like, super reflexes or something."

"So I've noticed."

"Anyway, I just want to be able to protect myself and... Well, I thought you might like to do something besides binge watching television."

"Don't think your neighbors want us training in your apartment."

"Belong to the Y, just a couple blocks over."

Shego shrugged, "Y sounds good. I shouldn't spend all day on my ass in front of the tube. If the deal includes me being able to use the Y to work out you got yourself a trainer."

"Good. And what else are you going to do?'

"What else? I'm on vacation. I don't have to do a damn thing but relax."

"And you have no clue how long you'll be here. Do something you've always wanted to do – take up painting, read some author you like, write a book, learn some new cooking technique. I mean, you've got no responsibilities for who knows how long. Do something wild and crazy if you want."

The green woman was silent for a minute, thinking, and suddenly started to laugh. "Wild and crazy! Great thinking! I owe you a kiss."

"That's okay, you don't owe me–"

"I owe you a kiss," Shego told her firmly. "But two serious strikes against you, at the moment, so you can't collect now."

"I don't want to collect–"

"I owe you a kiss. I always pay my debts. However, as I said before, the first rule is that we need to keep our roles as captive and captor entirely professional. It just isn't done for a captor to kiss a hostage, sort of defeats the whole threat. And second... I didn't ask, but I assume you are in Kim's class?"

"Yes."

"So, when is graduation?"

"About a month."

"You are a high school student. Now I've got nothing against high school students. Some of my best friends were high school students, but I wouldn't want my sister to marry one. And–"

"You have a sister?"

"No, the point–"

"You said you wouldn't want your sister to–"

"Old saying. The point is that the magic day on which you become an adult is not a birthday. It is high school graduation. Before graduation, you are a kid. After graduation, an adult. I'm almost twenty-four. Now I could very well pass for eighteen in the dusk with the light behind me, but I'm almost twenty-four. Twenty-four year olds kissing high school kids is just creepy. Twenty-four year olds kissing high school graduates is acceptable. So, your lips are off limits while you're a high school hostage but... Doesn't that sound like a bad fifties movie?"

"Excuse me?"

"I Was a Teenage Hostage, in glorious low budget black-and-white at the local drive-in theater and passion pit."

"Sound more seventies punk band to me. 'Mistress Mean and the High School Hostages."

"Oh... Definite ideas for what they're wearing, lot of latex and chains. But we're getting off topic. Topic is why your lips are currently off limits. Don't expect that kiss I owe you for awhile. Once you're out of hostage status and graduated I will pay my debt of honor. Oh, and if you can collect fifty kiss I.O.U.s you can trade them in for a valuable prize."

"I don't want a kiss, but what is the prize?"

"I owe you fifty and you get a night for sex – after dinner at an expensive restaurant, a spa day, or a concert. It will be your choice."

"But as long as I'm a hostage I'm off limits?"

"Absolutely."

"Any chance I can turn professional hostage?"

"Hmmm... Frankly, the pay sucks and the benefits package for professional hostages is worse than the salary. No, my dear Kate, at some point you are no longer a hostage and have graduated. You will receive a token of my gratitude for giving me a good idea in the form of a kiss."

"Remind me not to give you any more good ideas," muttered Monique. "Can you tell me what idea I gave you?"

"Oh, no specific details. You just told me to have fun while I'm here, to do something wild and crazy. So I will."

"Why do I feel a chill running down my spine?"

"Guilty conscience, I imagine." Shego looked at the clock. "Getting late for you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, need to get my Zs before school."

* * *

Kim slept lightly. The worst of the pain was over, but the over-the-counter pain pills did not mask all the symptoms and aches. Worry for Monique also made her restless. She tended to drowse in bed as her body struggled with the desire for more sleep and the difficulty in achieving the feat. She was half aware of a faint click as a thin blade pushed back the lock on her bedroom window, which awakened her enough to imagine she heard the whisper of the window being opened. Kim yawned and looked in the direction of the noise, not sure if she was awake, dreaming, or having some sort of hallucination from the sickness and medication. A shadowy figure crawled in the window. "Desk light," suggested Kim.

Shego turned on the light, and sat down at the desk chair. "Whassup, Princess?"

"Sick."

"So I heard. Look, won't take up much of your time. I–"

"Monique?"

"Fine. She went to bed an hour ago. Thought I'd just pop over and check on you. I owe her a kiss."

"Huh?"

"Long story. It'll keep to you're feeling better. We haven't figured out all the rules yet. She did me a favor, so I owe her a kiss. If I do her a favor she'll owe me one... Can't remember if I told her that or not. Anyway she did me one."

"One?"

"One favor. You're a little out of it, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Anyway, she convinced me that I needed to do more on my vacation from Doctor D than sit around and watch Netflix all day. I mean, I don't want to get out of shape – got to keep my edge since you'll be back into fighting form eventually."

"Doctor says–"

"I looked it up. It'll be months before you're safe from a relapse. I have faith in you, Pumpkin. You will be back in fighting form eventually. Always enjoy our fights; beating you is the most fun I have working for the blue guy. So, anyway, back to talking with Monique. She gave me great idea. Spend some time with you. Here's the plan, since you aren't up to physical fights for awhile, I'm going to try and seduce you."


	3. It Ain't Nobody's Biz'ness What I Do

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Bessie Smith's 1923 recording of T'Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do helped establish it as one of the first blues standards (i.e. covered by everybody). Like a number of other blues classics, it seems to have taken elements of earlier songs and later performers/composers created their own variations. (The song is one of those, obviously written by a man (men, actually, Porter Grainger and Everett Robbins) where the woman sings about how she doesn't mind if her man abuses her because she loves him so much. I doubt any woman ever wrote one of those.) But while adaptation happens you shouldn't put too much blame on the old standard for the Hoosier Hot Shots with their tongue-in-cheek It Ain't Nobody's Biz'ness What I Do.

 _Whiskey don't hurt this baby._  
 _Morphine don't drive me crazy._  
 _Women won't put me in my grave..._

And now, "Are you ready, Hezzie?"

 **It Ain't Nobody's Biz'ness What I Do**

The combination of being ill, and on medication, and tired, clouded Kim's mind. Was Shego really sitting at her desk chair, or was this some fever dream? Or perhaps a nightmare. It certainly couldn't be real, what the green woman said made no sense whatsoever.

"I looked it up. It'll probably be months before you're safe from a relapse. I have faith in you, Pumpkin. You will be back in fighting form eventually. Always enjoy our fights; beating you is the most fun I have working for the blue guy. So, anyway, back to talking with Monique. She gave me great idea. Spend some time with you. Here's the plan, since you aren't up to physical fights for awhile, I'm going to try and seduce you."

"Monique told you to seduce me?"

"Well, not exactly. What she suggested was doing something wild and crazy just for fun. And I figured, 'Hey, why not?'."

"Because the idea is stupid."

"Not stupid, crazy. Think about it, Pumpkin. It could be fun, crazy fun."

"It couldn't be fun. And it's not going to happen."

Shego shrugged, "There are no guarantees, but it might be fun to try. Look at all the advantages."

"Advantages?"

"Sure. Now, let's pretend for a minute I succeed. I accept that I could fail. But we'll pretend I seduce you. You gain valuable life style experience before going off to college. You get wonderful bragging rights when you good guys gather for a beer, 'Hey, hear about the time I got Shego into bed?'. Do you know how many people would do anything to make that claim? And you get wined and dined... Well, dined anyway, while I dazzle you with romantic evenings. And consider the big one."

"The big one?"

"No worry about romantic entanglement. No angst about 'she loves me, she loves me not,' No guilt if you decide getting in bed with me was a mistake and don't know how to dump me. If I succeed and we end up in bed, that's it. We had some fun, neither one of us needs to worry about long term relationship. You head off to college. I'm back punching the clock for Drakken. You don't have a rose pressed in your diary that causes you to sigh and think of what might have been when you see it. Win-win situation."

"The answer's still no, no, a thousand times no. But win-win? What do you win?"

"Well, duh. Like you, bragging rights. 'Oh yeah, I've had her in bed. She's great'. I'm trusting you'll be great. Even if you're not I'm going to say you are. But mostly it gives me something to do while I'm stuck in Middleton. You're in no shape to fight physically, but that Kim Possible brain will be fine. A battle of the wits. You try to keep saying 'no' while I keep trying to charm the socks off you... Your socks, blouse, bra, panties–"

"I get the picture. How long are you doing this hostage thing with Mon?"

"Eh, who knows? If her Mom is home next week my offer to sweep you off your feet in a whirlwind of romance is off the table. If, on the other hand, I'm hanging around for who knows how long I'm asking you out for the night after graduation, some cozy table in an expensive restaurant to celebrate."

Kim yawned and closed her eyes.

"Think about it," Shego whispered before going out the window.

* * *

Shego was still asleep when Monique and her brothers got up in the morning and left for school. Monique spoke with the neighbor who had watched her brothers for a short time the day before, and received an answer she didn't like.

Kim awoke in the morning, feeling better than she had in a week... This was not difficult. A week before she felt like she was going to die. She considered asking her mother if she could go to school, but knew the answer would be no. At least she felt well enough to start on the homework which had accumulated over the past several days. She had had a strange dream, or perhaps a hallucination the night before and Shego had come into her room and spoken with her. The redhead looked over, and found her desk chair out of place. She got up and went over to the window, which was unlocked and imperfectly closed.

When Shego arose there was a text message from Monique, _"_ Will call at eleven. Important." _"Wonder what that's about?"_ Shego mused, then started a series on NetFlix. At eleven her phone rang, "Yep?"

Monique sounded nervous, "Uh, heard from Mom... Aunt Shirley came through just fine... Doctor thinks it will be at least a month of rehab, maybe more, before she... Mom would like to stay until... I said I had one of Kim's friends staying until... It might be longer."

"You called me Kim's friend? That was important? You called to tell me that? The health report could have waited."

"No, that wasn't the important... Shego? I got a problem."

"Other than the size of your television and that fact your fighting skills leave a great deal to be desired?"

"I'm serious!"

"So am I. I should have asked about the size of your television before I–"

"Come on! I need a favor!"

"You've had your favor, remember? Does being all tied up and promising to do anything to come home and take care of your brothers ring a bell?"

"It's my brothers, I–"

"You lost one of them? Where was the last place you saw him. You should always start looking from there."

"Mrs. Jefferson, the woman who watched them 'til we got to Middleton last night? She doesn't mind watching them for a little while every now and then, or when something special comes up, but she told me this morning she can't do it every day."

"So? Take time off from your job."

"I'm assistant manager. More than that, I need the money for college this fall. Yale is expensive."

"And that, Kate, is not my fault at all. Not my fault your aunt's sick. Not my fault your neighbor doesn't want to watch your brothers. Not my fault you picked an expensive university. For maybe the first time in my life since I turned fifteen I am innocent."

"I know, I know. I'm not blaming you. I'm saying I'm desperate. I'm asking... I'm begging, could you watch them for a couple hours after school until I'm done at Club Banana?"

"Shego does not do babysitting," the green woman replied in a haughty voice.

"Please, it's not real work. They're too old to need diapers changed, and don't need you to read to them. And they're still too young to be too crazy."

"No, I... Maybe. You will owe me a kiss."

"A kiss? No... I... Can I wipe out the kiss you say you owe me?"

"Nope. Oh, and you owe me a kiss for every time I need to watch them. And you remember what happens if you rack up a debt of fifty, right?"

"No way! I... I... No way!"

"I'm sorry, I thought you were asking me to help you."

"But... But... I couldn't afford to take you to a fancy restaurant or spa."

"Sliding scale of economics. If you owe me fifty you can take me through the MacDonald's drive-thru or a movie. It's really not the foreplay I'm interested in."

"I don't know... I... Okay, I owe you a kiss. Maybe I can find someone else to watch Steve and Nelson."

"But a kiss for each day I watch them, right? If you owe me thirty we can go to the back row of the movie theater and you can pay your debt while we don't watch the picture. But you know what happens at the number fifty?"

"I know, I know." _"And no way do I let the number hit fifty. This is just a day or two until I figure something out. I'll see if Mom has an idea. Wonder if Dad... He doesn't know people here. Would Mom let me take money out of the college account?"  
_

* * *

Ron brought homework assignments to Kim after school that afternoon.

Kim texted Monique, 'Call me break'.

On her break the black woman called her friend, "How you doin', GF?"

"Better. Lots better. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Business is slow and–"

"How are things at home. Shego is there?"

"Yeah."

"And you're all right?"

"She's actually watching my brothers for me."

"Shego's watching your brothers?"

"Well, she's got some kind of crazy barter system."

"Barter system?"

"Don't want to talk about it. And even if I wanted to talk about it, I won't while I'm here in the break room where someone could walk in on me."

"I just want to hear you're okay. She's not threatening you or your brothers right?"

* * *

Next morning Kim argued with her mother that she felt able to return to school. "Classes only," she promised. "No cheerleading, no clubs, no after school activities. If I start getting a headache or anything I come home immediately."

"It's wonderful you're feeling better," her mother answered. "No. Maybe you can leave the house on Saturday if you're feeling well. Monday is earliest you can attempt school."

"But Mom!"

"No buts, young lady. Are you caught up on homework so you'll be ready for school?"

"No, but–"

"No buts, remember? Homework."

Monique stopped by Kim's home with assignments on her way to Club Banana.

"Barter system with Shego?" Kim requested.

Monique hesitated, "Weird. Would take more time to explain than I have now. I'm really hoping my mom gets home soon. Shego goes back to Drakken and I'm sort of off the hook."

"You won't be an 'honorary hostage' any more?"

"No... Shego says I'm a hostage until you're able to fight her again. But she's mostly not giving me trouble about it."

"I don't understand... Even if Shego returns to Drakken you're still in some kind of trouble? What's she doing?"

"I told you, barter system. It gets complicated. No time to explain. I got to get to work."

After dinner Monique, her brothers, and Shego headed to the Y. Her brothers left for the basketball court and Shego and Monique headed to a medium sized room with mats on the floors and walls, used for judo and similar classes.

Shego informed Monique, "Oh, if you didn't already realize it, self-defense lessons come at a price."

"A price?"

"Yep. Wanna guess?"

"Another tally?"

"Got it in one. Gotta love it... Or rather you gotta make love with me in forty-seven more tallies."

"That wouldn't be love, it would be sex."

"Close enough. Now what kind of lesson do you want? Two major approaches. Learning a martial art takes time and discipline. The results are wonderful, but you know it don't come easy. There is also down and dirty self-defense. While a couple techniques I show you might help you in a fight I'd basically be showing you how to handle the run-of-the-mill mugger wanting your purse or would-be-rapist. Simple, painful, and very effective."

There were a handful of other people in the room, and two women overheard the end of the conversation. One recognized Monique from other activities at the Y and asked, "Who is this? She gives self-defense lessons?"

"She's, uh–" Monique began.

"Martial artist," Shego explained. "Staying with my friend Monique here for a little while to help out while her mother's away. But I have been known to offer classes in self-defense."

The two women seemed excited at the explanation. "Can I ask the director to talk with you about offering some classes while you're in town?"

The green woman shrugged, "Sure," and the women departed.

"Staying with me to help out?" whispered Monique.

"You want to give them the whole story? Besides I'm watching your brothers."

"And demanding... you know."

"It happens that I do know," Shego grinned. "Let's raise to toast to your aunt's complete, and slow, recovery. Now martial arts or self-defense?"

"How many lessons does this take?"

"As many as you want. Martial arts is the first steps on a journey of a thousand miles. It is the study of a lifetime. Tonight would mostly be breathing and focus exercises, maybe some stretching. I can show you a couple self-defense techniques tonight that might save your life some day. Another night a couple other techniques. Wouldn't help you with someone who knows martial arts, but you don't find a lot of muggers with skills in martial arts."

"Um... Since I don't know how long until mom gets back... And I don't want to get too deep in debt to you. A self-defense lesson?"

"Got it, and we'll cover two very basic weapons you're carrying tonight."

"I don't–"

"Your comb and keys."

"They aren't weapons!"

"They are when I show you how to use them."

As Shego explained the techniques to Monique the two women returned to watch, along with a heavy-set middle-aged man. At the end of the session the man commented, "That was impressive... Brutal, but impressive... Maybe the brutal would be appropriate. I'm the director here. Any chance we could get you to teach a class or two while you're in town? It doesn't pay much, but–"

One of the women nudged him, "Tell her–"

"I was going to!" He turned back to Shego. "Y doesn't pay much, but if there was anyone who wanted some individual instruction you could negotiate your own fee and use the facilities here."

"I'm not sure how long I'll be in Middleton, at the moment it sounds like around a month, but could be longer."

"There are women who've asked for a self-defense class. Could you come by tomorrow afternoon and discuss details? Unless you have some time now."

"I think Monique and I need to collect her brothers. What time tomorrow?"

"One?"

"I'll be here."

"Does helping you find something to do get me off the hook at all?" Monique asked as her brothers reluctantly left the court.

"Nope, but I owe you another kiss."

"I almost hate to say this, but you need some workout clothes if you're going to be teaching."

"And you know someone with employee discount at Club Banana, right?"

"Yes."

"Owe you another one."

"That was why I hated to say it."

"You aren't interested in the spirit of this at all, are you?"

"Spirit of what?" Nelson asked as the brothers joined them.

"Just a running joke your sister and I have," Shego explained. "Nothing for you to worry about." She looked at Monique. "I think I'll take a walk before I turn in. Catch you later."

* * *

Kim was not asleep as the thin blade sought in vain for the lock on her bedroom window. The red head smiled, wondering how long it would take Shego to figure out the window wasn't locked. She wasn't certain, but thought she heard a soft curse before the window was slowly pushed open.

"You should be more careful," Shego warned as she crawled in and took the desk chair.

"Didn't want you damaging anything. You were really here a couple nights ago?"

"We talked, remember?"

"Not very well. I was on medication and hoped you were a fever dream... Make that a nightmare."

"Ahhh, you'll hurt my feelings. So, think about my suggestion?"

"Monique stopped by for a minute, she said something about a barter system with you?"

"You're changing the subject."

"I'm trying. So what's this barter thing?"

"I am wonderfully discrete. If Monique didn't give you details I won't either. Please remember I can guard your privacy as well. Now, did you think about what I suggested?"

"I... Can you refresh my memory? I was on medication and I'm not sure I heard right."

"What did you think you heard?"

Kim laughed nervously, "I dreamed you said something about seducing me."

"Yep."

"Why in the world would you say something like that?"

"Because I plan to. I'm being honest with you. I don't want you to think I'm falling in love with you or anything. This is a game, a test. You can't fight for a couple months at least – at least fight physically. So this is kind of a test of wills. I'm working hard to get you to say 'yes' and you try to keep saying 'no', even when I am utterly charming and we eventually end up in bed together for one night of bliss."

"A game? Trying to get me in bed with you is a game?"

"It is if we both know the rules and don't think it's about the two of us as a couple."

Kim licked her lips nervously, "Are you, uh..."

"A lesbian? I'm bi. And I believe there's a bit of bi lurking somewhere inside each of us."

"So why not go after a guy?"

"Too easy," yawned Shego. "I could get any straight guy in bed within an hour."

"No you couldn't!"

"Want me to prove it with your dad?"

"No! But why make it about sex? If you want a mental contest we could just learn to play chess or something. I mean, that's classic battle of the minds, right?"

"Scary green lady to Pumpkin, sex is way better than chess... Unless you know some version of chess I've never heard of. In that case I'll be happy to play with you. Either that or you've only had really lousy sex. In which case I'm doing you a favor. Now, sadly, I have to make a confession to you; my seduction skills are pretty rusty, haven't had a lot of opportunity for practice working for Drakken. So I'm trying to regain my lost edge."

"I still say it's crazy."

"Of course it's crazy. And that what makes it a challenge and exciting. If you told me, right now, to get in bed with you and we'd make love, there would be no fun in it. I mean, wham, bam, thank you ma'am, over and done. The thrill is in the chase."

"So, I could get rid of you by having sex with you? That's actually not a bad argument. Maybe you'd even catch mono."

"You're no longer contagious. And I'm waiting until you've graduated. Night after graduation my invitation was to take you out for a nice dinner to celebrate your passage to adulthood. You won't agree to anything after one date. The fun is guessing how many dates you can last until my witty sophistication overwhelms you."

Kim glared at her uninvited guest, "No!" Shego just smiled back. "Don't you get it?" Kim demanded. "No! No way! Not going to happen!"

"And that, Princess is why this is going to be so fun. You are a challenge. I will find a way."

 _"Going to need some leverage to get her out on the first couple dates,"_ Shego thought as she left the Possible home.

* * *

On Saturday morning Anne Possible gave her daughter permission to visit the Middleton Mall. The cheerleader reminded herself to take it easy and walk slowly as she entered the mall. It felt so wonderful to be out of the house she wanted to run. _"No excitement,"_ she told herself, _"stroll."_

A salesgirl at Club Banana waved, "Monique is helping your friend."

"My friend?"

"Miss Green."

Kim took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "And they're..."

"In the dressing rooms."

When Kim found them Monique was folding a pile of clothing on a counter. As she walked up the redhead heard Shego say, "... owe you another."

"You don't owe me– Kim!"

Shego turned to verify Kim's presence. "I don't owe you Kim, I'm keeping her for myself."

"Owe her?" Kim asked. "I think you owe the store... Oh, employee discount. If you owe her does that mean you'll release her from her promise to be a hostage?"

Shego smiled, "Nope. Ebony and I pay our debts to each other in another way. Oh, hope you're not too jealous, Pumpkin, but she thinks I've got a killer bod. Of course, you already knew that about me."

"You weren't going to call me Ebony," snapped Monique.

"Give me a break," retorted Shego. "She'd be clueless if I called you Kate."

"Kate?" Kim repeated, bewildered.

"Short for Katherine Hepburn," explained Monique.

"Katherine Hepburn?"

Shego looked at Monique, "Told you," then turned to Kim. "She outranks you, Princess. See–"

"And I didn't say you had a killer body!"

"I was paraphrasing. Was body of a model the exact phrase?"

"I–"

"She was watching me undress," Shego explained to Kim, "and–"

"She was changing – in the lair – before she brought me back to Middleton. And–"

"Did you or did you not watch and comment on my body?"

"I see people changing all day long here. It's my job! They ask about... And–"

"What do you think about Pumpkin's body? Watched her change? I wouldn't mind watching her change. I happen to know she has great muscle tone. I mean, Wow, do I know she has great tone."

"Can we change the subject, please?" requested Kim. "What's with the workout clothes?"

"Oh, I'm teaching some women's self defense classes at the Y," the green woman explained. "You know me, pillar of the community and all."

"You? A pillar of the community?"

"As long as I'm in town guarding my hostage. Since my only real competition is recovering from mono I'll walk the straight and narrow until you're... Well, walk the narrow anyway. You can skip my classes, it's all pretty basic stuff."


	4. Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I not a huge fan of Weird Al's 1985 parody of Cyndi Lauper's 1983 Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, but it still was the thing which came to mind as I looked around for a chapter title.

 **Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch**

[last week, as you recall, we left our heroines locked in an abandoned mine with the fuse burning towards the... No... Must be another story I'm writing. Kim had gone to Club Banana and found Monique applying her employee discount to workout clothes Shego was purchasing.]

"Can we change the subject, please?" requested Kim. "What's with the workout clothes?"

"Oh, I'm teaching some women's self defense classes at the Y," the green woman explained. "You know me, always sweet and helpful – spreading joy wherever I go."

"You're spreading something all right," muttered Monique, "and spreading it way too thick."

Shego just smiled, "Oh. let's celebrate Kim escaping her house at the food court, my treat. Or is there nothing there the invalid is allowed to eat?"

"I can eat," Kim told her, "but I–"

"Wonderful then," Shego interrupted before Kim could explain she would rather eat lunch with a cobra or a grizzly bear with a toothache. "Noonish? Remember, my treat."

"I'll pay for my own meal," Kim told her.

"Me too," seconded Monique.

"It's almost like you don't want me to be nice to you two."

After waiting in lines at different food vendors the three women found a table together at twelve-twenty-two.

Shego put a piece of sushi in her mouth, and found it too bland – not enough wasabi. She looked at Monique's bowl of jambalaya from Cajun Goodness and wished she had ordered that.

The jambalaya reminded Monique of her father's cooking, but wasn't nearly as good. Monique looked with envy at Kim's salad. She knew she should have ordered one herself, mall jambalaya had too much rice and not enough meat and vegetables. She resolved for extra gym time at the Y to work off her lunch. She wondered if she should have warned Shego there was always way too much wasabi on the mall sushi.

Kim liked the food court sushi. She found the wasabi level just right, but suspected her mother the doctor wanted her stay with bland and healthy fare. She looked at the plastic tray in front of Shego with envy.

Shego raised her twelve ounce cup in a toast, "Here's to crime."

"No way," Kim told her. "What's this about you teaching a self-defense class?"

"I asked for a lesson or two while she was here," Monique explained. "And a couple women heard us talking at the Y and asked her if she could teach a class."

"You never asked me for self-defense lessons."

"You're the busiest person I know! When would you have time?"

Shego added another argument, "And you're way too nice. You'd leave an attacker in a condition where he could attempt to escape. I say leave an attacker in a condition where he's begging for the police to come and take him to the hospital. I always make an exception with you."

Monique didn't understand, "An exception for her?"

Shego held her arms out, palms up, in a gesture of 'who can explain it'. "I don't know why you were worried about me attacking Princess here. I've never started a fight with her in my life. Drakken and I will be relaxing in a comfortable lair, not hurting anyone, while the blue guy works out a new way to fail, and suddenly Cupcake here and Rufus break in and start a fight. I swear, if she wasn't such a trespasser I'd never have met her."

"Me a trespasser!" protested Kim. She turned to Monique, "She's broken into my room twice since she got to Middleton."

Shego yawned, "Strictly social visits. I asked how she was feeling. Honestly, I mean, I try and be a concerned friend and she implies I'm a trespasser?"

"You crawl in my bedroom window after midnight, and it's not trespassing? There is something called a front door, you know. And there is something beside it, a little button. It causes something called a doorbell to ring. Obviously you are unaware of this fact."

The green woman looked puzzled. "You're asking me to wake your parents up after midnight. That strikes me as exceedingly rude. The courteous thing to do is clearly to let them sleep." She turned to Monique, "I'm there to assure her I want a better relationship with her while I'm around here. I tell her I want to bury the hatchet and be a friend. I promise to take her out for a nice dinner after graduation. You would never guess what she suggested I do."

"Suggested what you should do? That doesn't sound like Kim... I mean, she didn't suggest anything like, uh... that you should..."

"She'd never say anything like that. She suggested we learn to play chess."

Monique looked puzzled, "She suggested learning to play chess? Seriously?"

"Swear to God."

Kim blushed, "She's not exactly... She was talking about fighting! But she said we couldn't do it physically and–"

"You can't."

"I know. The point is, she was saying these clueless things and I make a reasonable suggestion. I mean, I don't play chess, but they say it is _the_ classic battle of wits. So, she says she wants a non-physical challenge. I mention one. And now she's busting my chops over it. She's being totally unreasonable. I don't know how you can live with her and–"

"She didn't have a lot of choice," Shego reminded Kim. "And, hey, I'm pulling my weight around the place – watching her brothers after school so she can save money for college. She owes me."

"Owes you?" Kim asked. "You said earlier you owed her. And one of you said something about barter or something."

"Oh, just keeping track of favors," Shego remarked casually. "If one of us does the other a favor we owe the one doing the favor. I owe Monique here for suggesting I get out more, for getting me the Y job, the discount on active wear... You know, stuff like that. And she owes me for watching her brothers and self-defense lessons."

"So, do they cancel each other out?" asked Kim.

"I wish," Monique muttered softly.

"Nope we save them up for valuable prizes," explained Shego. Monique looked nervous.

"Like what?" Kim wanted to know.

The green woman shrugged, "The usual stuff. A Japanese transistor radio that only picks up AM stations. Or a toaster oven. The big one, a statue of a naked lady with a clock in her stomach. Wouldn't that add a touch of class to the lair?"

Kim hesitated, "... Uh, sure."

Shego turned to Monique, "What's wrong with Pumpkin today? Here was her chance for all kinds of sarcastic comments, and that's the best she can do?"

"She has been sick," Monique reminded Shego.

"I could be dead and come back with a better line than that."

"You have a little more experience being snarky," Kim pointed out.

Shego grinned, "Nice dig at my age, Princess, but I'm not that much older than you. There're lots of happy couples with a greater age difference between them than the difference in our ages." Monique wondered why Kim suddenly blushed crimson. "Say," the green woman continued, "what is the age difference between your mom and dad?"

"S- Seven years," Kim stammered. "Sh- She was a freshman in college and he was the TA for-"

"Should always wait until after high school graduation," Shego interrupted, and winked at Monique. Kim wondered what Shego might have told Monique about the older woman's invitation to attempted seduction.

To the relief of Kim, Monique steered the conversation to the new line of clothing and the three talked fashion until Shego glanced at her watch, "Oh, got to go. Steve and Nelson need picking up from the Y." She turned to Kim, "Can you give me the phone number for Doofus? Just had an–"

"No! You can't!" Kim told her angrily.

"Chill," Monique warned. "Let her finish the sentence."

"But she... I'm stressed, okay?"

"I know some marvelous stress relief," purred Shego.

"Why do you want Ron's number? You wouldn't..."

Shego glanced at Monique, "I fear she has a dirty mind. She seems to think I have wicked plans for him. I just want to ask him what her favorite flowers are so I can order a bouquet for her as a peace offering."

"Like Ron would know that," Monique giggled. "I don't know why you want to call him, but I'll give you the number."

"Thanks, I–"

"Unless you tell me that you owe me one. Then it's no go."

"You act like you don't trust me," Shego pouted.

"We don't," Kim reminded her, and told Monique. "She's up to something."

"Always," Shego agreed.

Monique wrote the phone number on the outside of one of Shego's shopping bags. The green woman left for the Y, Monique returned to work, and Kim returned home.

* * *

Ron answered, "Hello?"

"Doofus?"

"Why are you calling me?" sighed Ron.

"Run out of flies to pull the wings off of. Hey, I'm thinking of doing something nice for Cupcake. She's big into this saving the world thing. So I was thinking, since she's laid up and all, maybe I could take up a little of the slack. Now, the fact you and Kate were dumb enough to go out and try to stop Drakken and me makes me think you might be interested in going along as side kick. Notice, I'm not agreeing to go out and rescue cats from trees or some of the rinky-dink shit Red takes care of, but I might, and that's a might, do something if it's big enough. What do you say?"

"You're up to something."

"You sound like Kim. Maybe I want to do something nice for her. Maybe I'm bored. Maybe I happen to live on this world too, or maybe I'm taking out Drakken's competition. Does it really matter what my motives are?"

"Maybe."

"Let's just keep it simple. If Wade asked me to do a big mission, and I agreed, are you in?"

"I... uh... I guess so."

"Great. Now give me Wade's number so I can give him the good news."

"No."

"Whatdaya mean, 'no'?"

"He doesn't like his number going out."

"I'm talking about doing him a favor!"

"How about I call and give him your number?"

 _"That'll work... I can get his number when he calls me."_ "Sure. But remember, I'll only do something if it's big."

Shego expected Wade to call in minutes. He didn't. It was two days later, Monday afternoon, when her phone rang. There was no number for the incoming call. The app which was supposed to decode the number and caller showed nothing. "Hello?"

"Shego? This is Wade. Ron said you might take a mission?"

"If it's big and important enough."

"Big enough for what?"

"Help cure boredom. I get no kick from helping little old ladies across the street."

"You know I don't trust you."

"And I know that with Kim out of commission you don't have a lot of choices for illegal operatives."

"Illegal! We stop–"

"You, Kim, Ron, and Rufus stop crooks that a hundred other agencies or police forces could stop. But you stop them first. You stop them first 'cause you're doing illegal hacking and discovering the plans. Global Justice or the police have to wait before a crime is committed. You send in Kim to stop it before any crime is committed or anyone hurt. That's probably why the Feds aren't looking to bust you. Frankly, I don't care that you're doing all kinds of illegal shit. I'm offering to, maybe, accept a big mission. It's got to be big, and I'm not promising to take it. You're free to assume I have some kind of ulterior motive. I'm certainly no saint. But let's be honest with each other. I have my reasons for offering to do a big mission, and you're breaking laws with the stuff you're doing. Now, you got something or not? I think you do, or you wouldn't have called."

"Maybe," agreed Wade. "A researcher in agricultural science discovered–"

"Not on the phone. I want to meet in person. Where do you live?"

"No way I'm telling you that!"

"No deal."

Shego breathed a sigh of relief as Wade hesitated. "You want to meet in person?" he asked.

"Yep. Those are my terms."

"Does it have to be my place?"

"I... No. I was just trying to make it convenient for you. What do you propose?"

"Public library, Third and Oak, twenty minutes?"

Twenty minutes later Shego stared in wonder. She had seen a picture, but in the flesh she had to demand, "You're Wade?"

"Yes, now let's make this fast. I develop a nervous tic if I'm away from my computers too long."

"So why didn't you have me go to your place?"

"You might have damaged the computers."

"Hello! You're here! I could damage you!"

"I'm more worried about my computers."

"Geeks," sighed Shego.

"Nerds," Wade corrected her, "not the same at all."

"Whatever. What's up?"

"Well, like I said," Wade began, "an agricultural researcher discovered a way to speed up the growth process. It would enable him to find result in hours or days instead of weeks or months..."

* * *

Shego agreed with Kim, "Yeah, like you said, it reminded Wade of the first time you faced Duff Kiligan. His original plan was probably just to use it to keep the links near his home in repair when he stole the damn thing. Only it turns out the device had a lot of potential for destruction. Original researcher has destroyed all his notes and models. And that makes the one Duff has worth a lot of money to a lot of people. He plans to auction it off. Whoever buys the thing can probably reverse engineer the thing, modify it, and mass produce it as an especially nasty weapon. Dementor and WEE will be bidding, and some other people you know. But it may go to some national bidder. Don't want the North Koreans getting their hands on the device. Of course some of the potential bidders may want to murder Duff and steal the thing before the auction is even scheduled to happen. Wade thinks we need to work fast."

Kim chewed her lip nervously, "And the price you're asking is me in bed?"

"No," Shego explained again. "Pay attention. You agree to regular dates with me, starting after graduation and going until... Well, not clear when Monique's mom will get back and I clear out. You may not enjoy a single date with me. Yes, I'm trying to get you in bed. But it will be your choice because you want to – not because I'm threatening you. You get some nice dinners and some movies out of it, if you don't want sex I won't try and force you."

"And what if you and Ron get the device, and you decide to keep it for yourself or Drakken?"

"Good question. I'll be honest. You don't know what I'll do. But remember how many times I've saved your life this year. What choice do you have?"

Kim closed her eyes and thought for a minute. "I wish I wasn't sick. Let me call Wade."

"Sure."

Wade sounded far more anxious and worried than Shego. "Were you able to convince her to go?" he asked Kim.

"Me, convince her?"

"Yeah, she said she needed to talk with you about things. Said your input was important. This is big, Kim. You've handled a couple this big, but not many."

Kim looked over at Shego, who raised a questioning eyebrow. "I talked her into taking the mission," Kim sighed, and Shego smiled. "When can you–"

"Within the hour. We need to secure things quickly."

After turning off the Kimmunicator the cheerleader looked at the thief, "All I did is agree to accept dates. Period."

"Absolutely." She leaned down and took off the ankle bracelet. "Let's keep Monique, shall we? If I give this to you, you promise to not let Wade scan it, and you'll give it back to me when I hand the device over to you?"

"You're asking me to help keep my friend hostage?"

"You're asking me to risk my life," Shego reminded her. "Oh, and can I borrow one of your mission outfits? It wouldn't look good for Shego to be seen, might even put Drakken in danger if people thought he had it. Red wig, some makeup, your clothes and you will get credit for the win."

* * *

Kim worried for the next six hours, until the news came that Ron and Shego had succeeded. Even then her fears didn't go away, she didn't trust Shego to turn the device over to Wade as promised.

And Shego didn't exactly turn it over to Wade.

Ron was happy to report, "She destroyed it. Said she didn't want anyone to grab it from us... And, uh, I'm not sure she trusts you," he said, looking at the camera on the Kimmunicator Kim held.

"Didn't trust Wade?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"It's dangerous," Shego assured her. "It was dangerous. Some of the people who wanted it might try to hack Wade's computer if they thought he scanned it and had an analysis of the thing."

"Just to play Devil's advocate for a minute," Kim told the pair, "how can Wade and I be sure it was the real thing and not a fake?"

"I was monitoring when they got it," Wade told her. "They got the real thing. If Ron says they destroyed it, I believe him. And Shego was right, it probably was the safest thing to do with it."

"She's really good, KP," Ron enthused. "I mean, not as good as you, but really good."

"Thank you, thank you," Shego told him with an air of false modesty, "but I'm really hoping Princess will get to find out how good I am for herself."


	5. Murphy's Law

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Chapter title is from the 2012 song by Happy Ol' McWeasel, also known as Keep Your Head above the Water, rather than the pessimistic adage... Well, not directly from the pessimistic adage. But since the adage was the inspiration for the song title then there is some sort of genealogical connection that 23andMe™ could perhaps trace.

 _Keep your head above the water,_  
 _It's your life and it's like no other,_

 **Murphy's Law  
**

Spring warmed its way to summer as graduation approached. The doctor finally allowed Kim to engage in light exercise, which her mother monitored fiercely to make certain Kim didn't overdo. Shego's presence at Monique's seemed odd, and Anne felt certain she hadn't been given the full story on what was happening. She felt equally certain there would be a fight between Kim and Shego at some point, and hoped it would be later rather than sooner.

There was a sense in which the weeks before graduation felt like something of a holding pattern.

Shego taught classes at the Y, and over-charged a few individuals for private lessons. She bought more outfits at Club Banana. She now claimed to 'owe' Monique eleven kisses. Monique felt certain it shouldn't have been more than seven. Sometimes Shego could be too generous in her gratitude.

Monique currently 'owed' Shego almost forty kisses. When the total hit thirty she had suffered a wild anxiety attack. She wanted very much to beg her mother to come home. But Mary Driver wanted to help her sister during rehab, and had gushed about how happy she was Monique had found a friend to stay at the apartment and help out. So Monique had given up on her plan to plead for her mother's return. Another option was to find other activities for her brothers, or other people to watch them. As a result Steve and Nelson found themselves doing more activities at the Y or having scheduled play time with friends after school. Hiring a regular sitter would have taken money out of Monique's college fund. The rate Monique had been accumulating 'debt' to Shego slowed slightly, but it didn't end.

And therefore Monique hesitantly resigned herself to her 'fate'. She would probably pass the magic number of fifty. She had agreed to Shego's terms. In the past Monique had suffered through two wretchedly clumsy attempts at sex, one of which had ended in abject failure. A night with Shego could not possibly be any worse, and there was an excellent chance it would be much better. In fact, Monique knew it would feel vastly better than the disaster. She could not claim to be looking forward to being in bed with Shego, but she accepted it philosophically. She had agreed to the terms, and really felt like she owed Shego for the green woman's help.

Wade contacted Shego two more times, asking if she would perform other missions. She turned him down, telling him that someone else could handle things when the situation became necessary. He was, however, able to wrangle a promise from her to consider a future mission if something came up that required quick action before Global Justice, Interpol, or regular police would be able to react. Shego still had no way to contact Wade, but if he found another mission where she agreed early intervention was appropriate a phone number would be one of her demands for her acceptance.

Kim and Ron came over to watch the occasional game or wrestling match on television at Monique's apartment.

Ron's feeling of guilt still showed itself. He periodically repeated his request to be considered the designated hostage, and Shego continued to refuse. Monique tried to reassure him that Shego helped by watching her brothers. Ron offered to let Shego babysit his adopted sister Hana. It was not a strong argument.

Kim knew she was in no condition to fight. She realized that Shego really was helping Monique. She accepted both facts intellectually. Emotionally she sometimes wanted to punch Shego for taking Mon hostage. There was even a bit of emotional level of wanting to scream at both Ron and Monique for attempting to tackle Drakken by themselves. But, like Shego and Monique, she saw Ron feeling miserable and didn't want to add to his frustration.

During the weeks before graduation Kim's feelings towards Shego began to blur somewhat. Oh, Kim remained quite certain Shego would fail in her attempts to make Kim want to have sex. And Kim still felt resentment about being pressured into accepting the green woman's attempts. And Kim strongly disliked Shego for taking Monique hostage. But, Monique made no secret of the fact Shego helped her tremendously by watching her brothers. (Monique had not mentioned to Kim, or anyone, the price Shego had demanded.) And conversations in front of the television had made Shego seem like a real person rather than simply a villain to fight. Kim enjoyed the older woman's sense of humor and taste. The cheerleader was beginning to be curious about her upcoming 'dates' with Shego. No, they would not make her want to make love with Shego. But Kim was starting to hope that she might actually be able to enjoy herself on the dates rather than simply resenting them.

Shego had in no way committed herself to waiting for either Kim or Monique. The green woman attempted the Middleton singles scene. But despite honest efforts, to the extent the adjective could ever be applied to Shego, she found no one with whom she felt she could develop a real relationship. Her comment to Monique was, "The dating scene in Middleton sucks, and unfortunately I mean that in the figurative sense."

There had been some more late-night conversations with the cheerleader which especially helped Kim begin viewing Shego as more of a person than simply an opponent. That revelation stemmed from the fact Kim represented a person to whom the thief felt willing to vent. One such incident occurred after a luckless night at one of Middleton's upscale bars.

Kim was awakened by someone shaking her shoulder. "Wha..." the redhead mumbled. She glanced at the nightstand clock, "It's one-thirty!"

"I know I left the bar early."

"It's one-thirty!"

"You already said that. You need some new material."

"Okay, let's try something a little different. Why are you in my bedroom at one-thirty in the morning."

"I left the bar early."

"And you used that line before. Are you drunk?"

"No, just disappointed."

"And you decided to share with me? Why don't you wake up Monique?"

"Because then she'll be tired and cranky and I have to live with her. See, I can wake you up and someone else has to handle a cranky Princess."

"I suppose you want me to ask why you're disappointed."

"It might get me out of your bedroom faster, and let you get back to sleep."

"Oh, Shego, I am so sorry for you," Kim said with exaggerated concern. "Why are you feeling down?"

Shego managed a slight giggle at Kim's tone, "What is wrong with Middleton? Why is it so hard to find someone decent to hook up with?"

"I wouldn't know. How could someone who looks like you strike out?"

"Hard to believe, isn't it? I mean, yeah the green is a problem. But I try to find some place a bit dim where it won't be so obvious."

"And there aren't guys lining up to... You said bi, right?"

"Still would depend on the bar. But yeah, there are plenty of creeps willing to hit on me."

"What do you expect at a bar?"

"That's awfully judgmental."

"I've never been in a bar. In my imagination they are not the place to meet 'nice' people."

Shego shrugged, "Every bar is different. I mean, it's not like I'm going to go to a church social to meet someone. Almost got a date with a guy at the book store last week. I could tell a woman at the Y was interested, but she's already got a significant other and I don't want to screw anything up for her... Sometimes I wonder if the problem is me..."

"Well, you can guess my answer to that."

"No lip, Pumpkin, I'm in a rare introspective mood here... I mean... There were some decent people at the bar tonight. I can ask about their lives. Sometimes I don't even have to fake interest. Sometimes they really seem like someone I could... And then they ask about my life. What am I supposed to say? Oh yeah, the green color is 'cause I'm an alien scout looking to take over your world? Rare genetic disorder? Accident at the research lab? How do I answer the basic question of what I do? I mean, saying I'm a professional thief, doesn't signal an interest in a long term relationship. Do I look like a librarian? If I claim I'm a doctor or lawyer or some professional I'm going to get asked questions I can't answer. Creeps don't care who I am or what I do. I'm just a piece of meat to have sex with. I want someone to make love to me, the person, rather than treating me like some blow-up sex doll. That's the nice thing about you, or Monique, or Ron... Wade is definitely too young."

"Did you have to bring up Ron?"

"Jealous?"

"No, it's just wrong."

Shego smiled, "So... right to consider you?"

"No... Maybe I'm looking out for your interest. He is so not your type, trust me on that."

Shego laughed loudly.

There was a knock on the door, and Anne Possible asked, "Kim, is someone in there with you?"

Shego was out of the window before Dr. Possible finished asking the question. Kim answered truthfully, "No, you can come in."

"No thanks. Turn off the radio; it's almost two. You need your rest."

"Sorry, Mom."

* * *

Monique did not accept her 'fate' without grasping at one final straw. The black woman was also aware of Shego's attempts at the dating scene, and failures. After her brothers had gone to bed Monique requested, "Serious talk? I bought Milano cookies to go with tea."

"Must be serious if you have to offer the bribe."

As they sat at the table Monique began nervously, "Uh, look... I mean, I know I agreed to... with you. And I did it freely and of my own will, but–"

"But you're looking for a way to weasel out."

"I'm not looking for a way to weasel out! I said I'd, uh, with you. I'm just wondering if there's some kind of favor I could do to replace getting in bed with you. Not that there's anything wrong with getting in bed with you... I'm kind of surprised that... You seem to be striking out."

"I know. It may reflect the fact I have standards. You should take it as a compliment, you comfortably meet or exceed my minimum standards. And you're talking one hell of a favor here if you think it will top that."

"I was wondering, if I could, and I mean, this is an if. I'm not promising. But if I could set you up with someone good, would that get me off the hook with you?"

"Off the hook? Off the hook? You make getting in bed with me sound like something bad."

"That isn't what I meant! I just meant if I can find someone for you, would that fulfill my debt of honor?"

"You're offering to hire a hooker for me?"

"No, no hooker. I'm not a pimp... Can women be pimps – or are women madams?"

"I... A madam runs a cat house. Maybe the term would be procuress. We could look it up."

"It doesn't matter. What I'm saying is that I meet a lot of people at Club Banana. If I met someone really right for you... I mean, that's better than a one night stand, right?"

"Don't be humble, you're hot. But, yeah, someone I could be in a real relationship with? That would be better."

"Okay then. I'll see if I can find... Preference, man or woman?"

"I'm good with a winner either way. No interest in a loser either way. You find someone I can have real relationship and I'll name my first born after you."

"What if it's a boy? He'd hate the name Monique."

"Who said I'd name him Monique? I said I'd name him After You. Mostly just use his first name, I imagine. 'Hey, After, stop beating up the neighbor kid and come in for lunch'."

"You seem awfully sure he'd be a little bully."

"Bully? Hell, with a name like After You he'd get picked on like a boy named Sue. He'd have to get tough to defend himself."

"I'd guess naming a girl After You would probably make her pretty tough also."

"Yep."

"Have you considered that your kid will probably hate your guts for being named After You?"

"Hmmm... True. But all kids resent their parents – except maybe Princess. And there could be a bonus in naming a kid that, it might make him or move out sooner and never come back to live in the basement."

"Okay," Monique continued, "Back on subject. I'll keep my word if this doesn't work. But I want more details on who sounds like a winner? I know bottom age is high school graduate. Give me more."

"Umm... I said man or woman. Ideally I'd like thirty-five or six at the top end, but will accept a bit older if he or she is a WOW!. Good listener, sense of humor, someone who isn't scared off when you tell them I'm in witness protection. It'll mean they accept it when I say I can't go into details on something about my past – and if I have to move out fast I can say I got re-located, but may be able to come back and visit."

"Looks?"

"Not so... Healthy life style, but not crazy nuts about it. Oh, I'll take an eighty-year old billionaire. I'll give him a hell of a honeymoon and become a wealthy widow."

"We don't get a lot of billionaires shopping in Club Banana. Wealthy widow? I might be tempted to keep him for myself."

"We'll flip a coin for him if one comes in."

"Anything else you're looking for in a person you could get serious with?"

"Not at the moment, if I think of– Oh, for saying you were on the hook for sex with me, you owe me a package of Milano cookies."

"Half a package, I get the other half."

"No way, you insulted me! I get two-thirds."

"You accused me of trying to weasel out of my promise when I'm trying to help you! You insulted me. I mean, out of the goodness of my heart, I say I'll try and find you the love of your life and this is how you treat me?"

"Fine. Half," Shego grumbled and extended her right hand for Monique to shake.

* * *

Nelson arrived home from school the day after the talk with Monique almost bouncing off the walls.

"He overdose on sugar?" Shego demanded of Steve.

The older brother was smiling broadly, "Dad's coming here for graduation!"

The green woman had a lot of questions, but decided to wait until the brothers were in bed and ask Monique.

Monique was also outrageously happy. "Dad'll cook for... What are we going to do about... I mean, he and mom..." She looked nervously at the living room couch and Shego took the hint.

"How about I give Ron a chance to be honorary hostage while your Dad's here?"

"Would you? That'd be great!" Monique squealed and gave Shego an impulsive hug.

The Stoppables were as thrilled with the idea of letting a wanted criminal stay with them as could be expected. Ron stretched the truth in several curious directions in persuading his parents to let her stay while Monique's dad was in town.

* * *

Shego picked up Monique's father at the airport the Tuesday before graduation.

She had been shown a picture and, as passengers deplaned, waved and called, "Over here, Mister Driver!"

He had been scanning the faces of those waiting for passengers, "Call me Jerry. And you must be Ms Green."

"Call me Paris," she told him as they walked together to the baggage claim. "Thanks for letting me call you Jerry."

"No problem. Just glad it was Jeremiah and not one of those other prophets Momma could have chosen." He dropped his voice to a whisper as they walked, "But seriously, I want to know who in the hell you really are."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the story you told my boys makes no sense. Abused woman or something, teaching self-defense classes?"

Shego sighed, "Monique gave them the abused woman story. I said we should have told them I was in the witness protection program. She said it would make them brag about me at school. So, who was right, Monique or me?"

"I... Look, I don't give a damn who you are, or what you've done. I got one question, are my kids safe with you at the apartment? I Googled Paris Green, and you're poison."

"I am indeed. And no one's going to mess with me – even assuming they know where I am. The people who need to know where I am, know. The people who don't need to know, don't. And they'd be too scared to try anything if they found out."

"Big talk," he muttered. "Told you, only thing I care about is my kids' safety... Look, I'm in a rough business. I know people who know people. You get in any kind of trouble, any kind, call me. I can get in touch with people who take care of problems."

"I don't need any help handling problems," she told him. "And I wouldn't have time to call for help if I couldn't. Take a swing at me."

"What?"

"Go ahead. Let me show you a mild sample of what I'd do."

"No, I'll believe you," he told her with a grin. "Wouldn't want to look like I was attacking a white woman." And he took a open-handed swing at her.

A security guard came running, drawing his pistol.

"Nothing to worry about," Shego told him as she offered Jeremiah Driver a hand to help him off the floor. "He was wondering if I'm worth what I'm charging his daughter for martial arts lessons."

"That was a mild sample?" the black man groaned.

"If you're able to stand and walk it's a mild sample."

The security guard hesitated, wondering if he should point his weapon at someone. "Anyone want to file charges?"

"Nope," Jerry told him as he checked to see if he remained in one piece and would be able to walk. "What she said. Just making sure she's a good teacher for my little girl."

"Well, do it somewhere else next time," the guard grumbled. "Move along," he ordered the gawkers.

"She's not a little girl," Shego whispered as they resumed the long trek to the baggage claim.

"She'll always be my little girl... Uh, speaking of problems... Any guys hanging around, looking like trouble? There's this Ron she mentions a bunch. You know him?"

Shego chuckled. It was almost tempting to name Ron as overly interested in Monique to see what her father might do. Perhaps he'd even offer her money to break Ron's knees. On the other hand, the 'people I know' might send someone to threaten Ron while Shego was staying at the Stoppable home. "I'd say he was a puppy, a big friendly puppy. He comes over to watch wrestling with your kids. No threat to Monique's virtue. He'll be there tonight for your cooking and you'll meet him."

"He'll be on best behavior. I want to know how he acts with Monique when a father isn't around."

"Only one setting on Ron. What you see is what you get. And trust me, Monique has no interest in him."

Bags were just reaching the carousel when they arrived at baggage claim. "Got a couple things besides the suitcase," he warned. "Know where special handling is?"

"No, but I'll find out while you watch suitcases go around."

At special handling there were two large Styrofoam coolers, one with screened air holes that allowed a subdued slithering noise to escape. "Can you handle the suitcase and I'll carry these?"

Shego looked at the cooler with the air holes. "Deal. What the hell is in there?"

"Twelve pounds of mudbugs. Got to get 'em cleaned and prepped for dinner tonight."

"Mudbugs?"

"Crawdads. Crayfish."

"And the other container?"

"Chunk of smoked gator tail, dressed possum, and three dressed nutria."

"Hate asking questions, but nutria?"

"Kind of a fancy muskrat. They were growing them for fur 'til a hurricane set 'em free about a hundred years ago. Damn things have spread as far as California. Doing the environment a favor if we eat them. Swamp stew and crawdads tonight. Snapping turtle would be better than gator, but didn't catch one. Maybe gator should be a side."

Shego looked hesitantly at the coolers, "I've, uh noticed we haven't had any soul food since–"

"Not soul food. This is gulf cooking. Doesn't matter if you're black, white, Chinese or Hmong - you catch it, shoot it, or trap it and you can eat it. Don't know what this damn 'eat local' movement is all about. Most of the world's been doing it since we stood up on our two hind legs. I want my boys to get a taste of it. Mary's dad wouldn't approve... Hell, he's never approved of me, thinks I'm too south."

"Do you cook things besides this, ah, stuff? Would you be insulted if I asked about fried chicken?"

"I might be insulted if you didn't. Fried chicken is the state bird of the south."

"And everyone's grandmother did it the best in the world?"

"Everyone thinks their grandma did it best. In my particular family, she did. How about Thursday I fry some up?"

"Give a lesson, or is that one of those things where you've got to kill me or marry me if I learn the secret recipe?"

"No secret, our family just happens to do it better than anyone else. You're welcome to watch."

"Oh, and Ron might want to see it too. I hear he's actually quite a cook."

"If he's as harmless as you say, he's welcome too."

They found the car in the parking lot and loaded the trunk.

As Shego pulled out of parking lot onto the road Jerry hesitated, then asked. "Seriously, do my kids seem happy? I don't get up here enough. They seem happy... Are they pretending? Does Mary tell them to act happy?"

"You're leaving out an option."

"What?"

"Maybe they're happy to see their dad. They seem mostly happy. But when Nelson heard you were coming up he went crazy."

"Mary should never have taken the job here. We were better in Ohio, everything fine there."

Shego preferred not to get into personal family matters and tried to change the subject. "Steve has a picture of you when you played for Ohio. Nelson says the NFL was interested in you."

The big man chuckled. "Gonna have to set the kid straight. Family pride. Second-string center. I played in twenty-two games, total, over four years. Nine starts – all when the starting center was injured. Most of the other games were because of injury during the game, except for a few where we were so far ahead the coach preferred risking us back-ups to potentially losing a starter in a blow-out. NFL doesn't take many centers, and only starters. But I met Mary, and we lived in Columbus." He returned to the earlier topic. "We should have stayed there."

Shego sighed mentally, she was going to hear the story, like it or not. Monique wouldn't talk about it, but her father appeared to want a new ear in which to pour his frustration. "So, why the move then? You said your wife got a job here?"

"Yeah... More money. If we needed money I knew I could get a job on a gulf rig. Work's hard, pay's great. Mary wouldn't go to Mississip, won't even let me take the kids down to visit. I blame her dad. Whitest black man I ever met. I've lived north and south, racism everywhere – and less hypocrisy about it in the south. I get pulled over by the cops in Mississip and everyone knows it's for DWB... Know what DWB means?"

"Driving while black? Had a Filipino friend in high school, Teresa, kept claiming, she was stopped for DWA – driving while Asian."

"See, that's what I'm talking about. Black, Asian, Hispanic, you get pulled over more often for routine nothing crap. Up north people don't want to believe that, 'Oh, no,' they insist, 'no police discriminate. Black drivers need to be stopped more often'."

"Teresa deserved to be stopped, her driving sucked."

"You sure about that?"

"I rode when she was driving. She was terrible. On the other hand, her brother got stopped a lot more than my big brother - and Teresa's brother was a lot better driver than Henry."

She hoped they might stay on police racism, but he felt his argument had carried the day and returned to, "If we needed more money, me on the oil rig was the way to go."

"You could have gotten a job in Middleton and moved with your family."

"I'd have been making less than Mary. The man's supposed to take care of his family. A real man doesn't let his wife bring home a bigger paycheck."

"Does a real man leave his family to take a job somewhere else, or stay with his family!"

"I'm no deadbeat!" Jerry almost shouted. "I'm sending checks and providing for their future."

"Never accused you of being a deadbeat," she responded coolly. "I said there's more to being a dad than sending money. If Mary got an offer good enough to bring the family here you could have found some job."

"And I already explained, I wouldn't have found a job in Middleton that paid as well as hers."

"That's not an explanation, that's just repeating yourself. What's wrong with a wife getting a bigger paycheck."

"It's wrong."

"Why?"

"Why... It's the way I was raised. No reason to change my values."

"So, being a racist something in a person's DNA or the way someone is raised? God forbid we should ever question the values we learned from the cradle."

Jerry turned and looked out the window for the remainder of the trip.

* * *

Ron's little sister fascinated Shego when she arrived at the Stoppable home. There was something distinctly different about the small child, "What's with her?" the thief asked.

"What do you mean?"

"If I knew I wouldn't ask. She's... It's like she... You don't get this weird vibe?"

"You get it too?" Ron asked in disbelief as he picked Hana up and gave the giggling toddler a hug. "Mom and Dad don't get it. To them she's just this beautiful kid."

"Yeah she's cute. But it's like there's something old about her."

Ron sighed, "Glad you get it. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, so I stopped talking about it."

"You are crazy, I'm just saying... So no one else feels it? How about Kim?"

"Doesn't get it either, thinks I'm being jealous or something. Hana is special. Don't tell Kim you felt it too, she'll think I told you to say it."

"Like I'd listen to you," snorted Shego.

"Exactly."

Kim was already at Monique's apartment when Ron and Shego arrived together. "He's doing his bit as honorary hostage while Monique's Dad is here," Shego explained to the cheerleader in a whisper. "Not making him wear the ankle bracelet."

"You're staying with the Stoppables?"

"I thought I just said that. We didn't know we needed your permission. I'm fulfilling his fantasy... I think. Isn't that standard male fantasy number eleven, being held hostage by a beautiful woman?"

"Shego!"

"Well, not the whole fantasy. I think that would require I tie him down and do unspeakable things to his body."

"If you–" Kim hissed.

"Don't worry, Princess – separate beds. He's as safe as Monique, even safer."

"And what does that mean?"

"You really should do something about your dirty mind. I'm taking your advice on Ron, and he's too scared of me to fantasize about me... At least he'd better be that scared."

Kim moved over to grill Ron, "Shego is staying with you?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why..." Kim did a fast mental count of bedrooms in the apartment. "I guess she's more sensitive than I realized."

"What? She wasn't supposed to tell you that! It was secret."

Kim felt lost, "What was a secret?"

"That Shego could... She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Oh, nothing," Ron laughed nervously.

* * *

The stew was better than any of the guests had expected. Jerry Driver offered the standard directions for crayfish, "Pinch the tails, suck the head."

Nelson, the youngest brother, looked like he would have preferred a hamburger and french-fries, but gamely ate the food his father had prepared.

Ron and Shego were at the apartment earlier than Kim on Thursday for lessons on chicken frying. Ron advised Kim to watch television in the living room and stay away from the hot oil.

* * *

Graduation night, and Shego sat in the bleachers of the Middleton High auditorium with Monique's father and brothers. The green woman streamed the images of the graduation to Monique's mother, as Jeremiah sent images to his family in Mississippi. The brothers kept up commentary which went out on both phones, but in their excitement the words probably didn't make a lot of sense to anyone hearing them. Jeremiah Driver turned his phone off after Monique received her diploma. Monique had given Shego a list of several of the black woman's friends to take videos of during the ceremony: Ron, Kim, and a handful of others from school, work, and church.

Over the phone Monique's mother gushed to Shego about how wonderful the ceremony was, and how bad she felt that she missed it, and how much her sister was improving, and the fear it still might be weeks before her sister was fully recovered, and how grateful she was for Shego taping the graduation.

After the ceremony Shego found Monique and gave the black woman back her phone.

"Where's Dad?"

"Oh, not sure where your Dad is, or how long he'll be gone."

"Shego, if you hurt my Dad, I'll–"

"Give me a break! He said he was going to call your mom. Said they needed a long talk."

"Okay, if you hurt my Dad, I forgive you. How did you get him to call?"

"I didn't make him do anything. Maybe seeing you get your diploma got him thinking."

"Maybe. Except he said something the other night. Said you were a real smart lady and got him thinking about mom."

"I didn't do anything except call him an idiot. Your mom's probably told him that a thousand times."

"Maybe... Sometimes it means more from a stranger. And they don't come any stranger than you."

"Watch the mouth, Kate. You're taking advantage of me being out of the apartment. He misses you and his boys."

"Whatever. I'm buying you a whole package of Milano cookies when you get back."

"And now you're trying to get me fat so Pumpkin can beat me when she's feeling better. You buy cookies and you have to help me eat them."

* * *

Shego went with Ron to the graduation party at the Possible home. She decided that going to the party was a mistake. Most of the guests were Kim's high school friends, with a few Possible neighbors and relatives thrown into the mix. She didn't know them, or feel an ability to relate to them. Kim's cousin Joss, who remembered Shego from one of Drakken's more pointless plans, kept a suspicious eye on the green woman while trying to keep the fact hidden in a clumsy manner. The green woman was actually grateful to find Ron and Felix had staked out a quiet spot of the basement and were playing video games. Shego knew if she turned around she'd find Joss pretending not to be spying.

Shego had abnormally fast reflexes, but no experience with the video games Ron and Felix were playing. Ron took smug satisfaction with winning easily.

Anne Possible found the mystery of Shego's presence in Middleton growing deeper when the green woman arrived at Kim's graduation party with Ron. The green woman's restrained behavior was a source of both mystery and relief. The fact Kim had announced just before graduation that she was going out to dinner with Shego the next night represented a distinct cause for alarm.

* * *

 **AN** : Don't know if enough readers know the old Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue," to notice the nod.


	6. Puttin' on the Ritz

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Puttin' on the Ritz, Irving Berlin.

 _Now, if you're blue_ _and you don't know where to go to_  
 _Why don't you go where fashion sits –_ _Puttin' on the Ritz_

 **Puttin' on the Ritz  
**

Shego's phone woke her. Caller ID showed Monique. It wasn't absurdly early, although the green woman enjoyed sleeping later during her vacation. "Yeah?"

"Hey, my brothers and I are taking Dad to the airport at ten. Could you come back before that? I think he wants to thank you for watching Steve and Nelson."

"What are my options?"

"You mean staying with Ron?"

"No, what might he want to do besides thank me? Threaten me for my evil plans on his daughter's virtue?"

"I didn't mention that... Ron had better not hear you say that."

"If I catch Ron in my bedroom he won't be repeating anything to anybody."

"Just be back by nine-thirty, okay?"

"Hostages are not supposed to give their captors orders."

"Tough."

"Anything come of your Mom and Dad talking yesterday?"

"Yeah, not sure what. It may mean I'm stuck with you a little longer. I'll explain after we take Dad to the airport."

"You're getting a real mouth on you, girl. The Stockholm Syndrome or something says you're supposed to start feeling sympathy towards your captor."

"Some captors are more sympathetic than others. You'll be here by nine-thirty?"

* * *

Shego and Jeremiah Driver went into the hallway for a brief private conversation before he left. "Steve and Nelson really appreciate you being here," their father told the green woman. "Makes things a lot easier on the family."

"No problem. Sometimes bad luck for one person turns into good luck for another."

"Not going to ask what you mean by that. Just want to say thanks. And I'd like you to take 'em to a couple nice places in the next few weeks. Tell 'em it's a treat from me." He reached into a pocket and pulled out a roll of cash.

Shego didn't argue, she had always believed it was bad luck to turn down cash when offered.

If she understood what Jerry had said, it meant Mary Driver would be coming home soon.

When Monique and her brothers returned from the airport Shego joined them in a visit to the Y. As the brothers played basketball Shego discovered she had not understood Jerry Driver's words.

"Mom and Dad... They're going to try a little harder. Aunt Shirley will be out of rehab in a couple weeks, but Mom is going to stay on a few more weeks to make sure she's really fine. She's going to let Dad bring Steve and Nelson down to Mississippi to be with his family. Maybe take them in a month? Then Mom will go down while they're there, after she's sure my aunt's okay. And she'll bring them–"

"And you? You going down? I think that's like your Mom coming home in terms of I clear out."

"I wish; but I'm still saving money. I'll be here. Any chance Drakken will put out a recall on you?"

"I call in regularly to report on Kim's progress, and somehow I get the feeling he's taking a vacation too. There is a possibility he's getting tired of my fun-loving personality. Still, sounds like good news on your Mom and Dad."

"Hope so. Too soon to tell. I mean, this won't resolve all the arguments over money and listening to each other. And there may be other problems besides those, that I don't know about. But it's still good. Grandpa, Mom's dad, is going to throw a fit that Mom's letting Steve and Nelson go visit. Dad is doing some compromise too. He'd like Uncle Izzy to take the boys hunting, but–"

"Uncle Izzy? You're serious."

"Short for Isaiah."

"I should have guessed."

"They can fish, but they can't hunt. Mom doesn't want them shooting anything. I doubt this'll fix everything between mom and dad, but it's been a couple years since they talked this much, and letting Steve and Nelson go down? And go down herself? I'm crossing my fingers and feeling hopeful. Don't know if you had anything to do with it, but I'd offer to cook up anything you wanted for dinner tonight, except you're taking Kim out to dinner tonight, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Shego looked at the clock, "but got time for a little work-out first before I need to shower."

* * *

"You're really going out to dinner tonight with Shego," Anne Possible asked for the seventh time that day, hoping that Kim had not been serious in her prior six answers.

"Yes," Kim sighed, "she wants to congratulate me on graduation." It wasn't all Shego wanted. Kim knew that, but saw no point in releasing further details to her mom. What Shego wanted was not going to happen, so there was no point in mentioning it to anyone. Not only had Kim not mentioned Shego's ulterior motives to anyone, she only half believed them herself. Shego had probably made the claim only to play with Kim's head. Nor had Kim mentioned to anyone that she was only going out for dinner under duress.

Still nervous, Anne ventured. "I guess it's a good thing the two of you are getting along a little better. I've been worried since she... And I don't think you've given me an honest answer on why she is staying with Monique."

"It's... It's complicated."

"You've had approximately two months. It can't be that complicated that you couldn't have explained it in that time. And, yes, she may be helping Monique watch her brothers while their mother is out of town. But that is what she is doing while she is there, it doesn't explain why she is staying with Monique in the first place."

"It's... It's between Monique and Shego."

Kim's mother raised an eyebrow, "Between Monique and Shego? And that's why you haven't called the police and reported Shego is in town?"

"Exactly," Kim agreed. She wasn't certain how many times she had offered that excuse to her mother. Obviously her mother didn't believe it. Sometimes Kim wished her mother weren't quite so smart.

"And if there is something between Monique and Shego, why is Shego taking you out for a graduation dinner. Monique graduated last night also."

"I–" The ringing of the doorbell interrupted Kim's answer. Kim knew it had to be Shego, but at the moment was grateful for any excuse to end the conversation with her mother. Kim opened the door, "I'm ready to go."

Shego looked her over critically. "No you're not. That might be suitable for Bueno Nacho. I'm taking you someplace a little more upscale."

"But," Kim started to argue, and realized it was hopeless. Shego wasn't in an evening gown or anything outrageously fancy, but the stylish black slacks, green silk blouse, and short black jacket made a far better outfit than the faded blue jeans and pullover top Kim wore. It was dangerous to leave her mother and Shego together for any period of time. Kim wasn't sure for whom the danger was greater, or which might tell the other something Kim would prefer wasn't said. "I'll be back in a sec," she promised and started to run upstairs.

"Not too fast," her mother shouted. "Don't overdo."

"How is she doing, really?" Shego asked as Kim continued, albeit at a slower pace.

"She's doing as expected. She's mostly recovered, but shouldn't try too much. I'm worried about her."

"Worried about her, or worried about me?"

"Both," Anne admitted

"And there's nothing I can say to put your mind at ease, is there?"

"No. You would probably sound like you were protesting too much."

Anne 'just happened' to be looking out the window and saw the green woman open the car door for Kim as the two left. She wished she knew what was really happening. Joss was peeking out through the curtains of a bedroom on the second floor as Kim and Shego went out to the car. She would have cheerfully admitted she was spying.

"I could mention you didn't tell me where we're going," Kim complained as Shego backed into the street and drove off. "How was I supposed to know what to wear?"

"You were dressed for Bueno Nacho... Or a corn dog at a very bad county fair. I'm trying to impress the hell out of you, remember?"

"That was always good enough when I went out with Ron."

"I'm uncertain if that says more about you, or Ron. But it doesn't say anything pleasant about either of you. You have graduated high school and are being taken to a good restaurant to celebrate. As far as I can tell Middleton doesn't have a good restaurant, but this is supposed to be a good place."

Kim started to open her mouth to demand where they were going, and to protest the insult to Middleton, then decided to shut it. She'd always heard that André's was the best restaurant in Middleton, but she'd never eaten there. She suspected that would change this evening.

Kim glanced out the car window. They were not heading in the direction of André's and Kim panicked. "STOP!"

"What?"

"STOP! The bomb!"

"Look at my leg."

"Monique! The bomb!"

Shego calmly repeated, "Look at my leg. I took off my ankle bracelet and left it with her. She'll give it back to me later. Monique and I are learning to trust each other. You could take lessons from her."

Kim sulked silently as they drove, trying to regain her composure. As they reached the edge of Upperton Shego turned off the highway and Kim stared in disbelief as they parked at a restaurant. "This is The Château," she whispered.

"Yes. You've heard of it?"

"Of course I've heard of it! Everybody's... Seriously? This is where we're eating?"

"I've heard it's good."

"I've heard it's expensive."

The green woman shrugged, "You say po-tate-oh, I say po-tot-oh."

Shego found a parking spot. (Most customer's used the valet parking service. Shego wasn't going to hand the keys to her customized ride to anyone.) The green woman came around and opened the car door for Kim. The cheerleader nervously followed the thief into the restaurant.

"Reservation for Green."

The maître d' consulted the reservation list, then signaled for a liveried waiter to escort them to a small table.

Kim's disbelief transformed to amazement at everything she saw as they walked through the dining area. As she looked around at the couples there she wished she had dressed even better. It took her a moment to realize the waiter was holding the chair for her. At Bueno Nacho no one had ever offered to help her into a booth.

"Do you wish anything to drink before you order?"

"A glass of your house white," Shego requested. She looked across to Kim, "Anything for you?"

"Just water." She looked around when the waiter left, drinking in the atmosphere.

"Easier to decide what you want to eat if you look at the menu."

The redhead looked at the menu, and paled, specifically she was looking at the prices, and was frantically seeking the cheapest item listed. "It's all so expensive," she whispered.

"I'm paying. My treat. Order anything you want."

Kim wondered if Shego planned to run up an expensive tab, then strand her in Upperton. She continued to scan the prices, thinking maybe she should just order a diet Coke.

"If you don't calm down," Shego warned, "I'll either order for you or have the waiter bring you a date menu."

"Date menu? What's that?"

"It lists the dishes available, but it doesn't show the price. Now, what's your choice: calm down, let me order, or date menu?"

"I'll calm down," Kim lied.

A minute later Shego reached across the small table, and took the menu away from her. "Red meat, or seafood? Do you know how to eat a lobster without making a mess?"

"Lobster? Really? I... They're messy, huh?"

"For a novice. Which is fine at a New England clam bake, but would be out of place here. Red meat?"

"Sure, I'll have–"

"You'll have the filet mignon, rosemary potatoes, roasted Brussels sprouts, and an arugula side salad."

"I can make my own–"

"You said you were going to calm down. You didn't. I'll let you choose your own salad dressing – but you should consider the house vinaigrette. If you're a good girl I'll let you pick out dessert."

"You're going to try and seduce me by treating me like a child?" Kim pouted.

"It appears you are going to be a bit more of a project than I anticipated."

"You could give up now."

"No, no... I'm not afraid of a challenge."

After giving their orders to the waiter Shego asked, "Nervous?"

"Yes."

"No reason to feel nervous."

"That's what you say. You're a liar. I expect you to attack... I need to warn you. I've got a tracking chip on me."

"Where? Can I look for it?" Shego asked in a suggestive tone, then became serious. "You've got four on you. I've got equipment in the car to check for things like that. You're not being honest with me."

"Four? I don't have four, just the one from mom."

"You have four."

"No way!"

"You got that communication thing to Wade? It has a chip."

"I forgot. Fine, I have two, not four."

"I offered to search you, although they may all be in the clutch."

Kim searched the clutch as the waiter brought a glass of wine to Shego and the two salads.

"Ron?" suggested Shego as Kim found another chip.

"He didn't know... My brothers maybe?"

"Could be. And the fourth?"

"No way! I don't know why my brothers would have chipped me, but I... Joss gave me a hug." Kim put her arms behind her and discovered the final tracking chip. "That little..."

"If you want we could stop by an old quarry on our way home and throw you in, cause some panic."

"That's just throw in the tracking chips and not me, right?"

"Let's be clear on the ground rules. I will not touch you except under two conditions. One is if you attack me first – I will defend myself. The second is if you initiate it. If you want to kiss me I am totally open to that, but I won't put pressure on you. Ever dated an octopus?"

"No! That's stupid, I... Okay, that's what you... One or two. Date ended right there and never went out with either of them again."

"Any physical damage?"

"No, I can defend myself."

"I wasn't talking about you. I know you can defend yourself. Any damage to him?"

Kim actually giggled, "Well, one time. Just a little. I had to convince him no means no. I... What if I'm on fire?"

"Excuse me? You're hot, but what are you talking about?"

"What if my clothing accidentally catches on fire. Or a giant leech attaches itself to my back. You said there were just two conditions under which you'd touch me."

"Hmmm... I will try to keep you away from open flames; and any place with giant leeches does not sound like a good place to take a date. But, if you want, can I touch you to save your life or to keep you from serious injury? Do you give me permission to touch you to pull you away from brain-eating zombies or other dangers we are unlikely to encounter?"

"You have my permission to save me from any crawling horrors."

"And the tracking chip you knew about?"

"Mom's idea."

"But you didn't argue with her much, did you?"

"My mom is a difficult woman to argue with."

"I've noticed. But if you're nervous you might have been grateful for the suggestion."

Kim hesitated. "I was," she admitted. "I forgot Wade."

"I'll be completely honest with you. I told you that."

"Liars always say they're telling the truth. And you said you're trying to seduce me."

"Know who else says they're telling the truth? Honest women. And what could be more honest than telling you exactly what I want? I want you in bed. But I want you in bed because you want to be in bed with me. You don't have to second guess my motives. You don't have to wonder what I want in the relationship. We both know we will never be a couple. You know what I want, but it's your choice. I won't pressure you. I'd offer to shake on it, but you have to offer me your hand first."

Suspicious, Kim's eyes narrowed, "You're not going to pressure me?"

"I guess it depends on how you define pressure. I plan to be so utterly charming that you want to melt in my arms."

"You're using charm as your only weapon?"

"Yep."

"Then I should be perfectly safe," Kim laughed and extended her hand for Shego to shake.

"You need to open your mind to new experiences," Shego scolded as she shook hands with Kim.

Kim was at least willing to open her mouth to new experiences. Her eyes went wide at the first bite of aged steak. "It's... It's..." she sought for words after she swallowed.

"Wonderful?"

"Better than that! I... Wow."

"You're welcome. Don't expect all our dates to be this fancy. I'm trying to create a good first impression."

"Aren't you about three years late on first impression?"

"This is first impression when trying to seduce you. First impressions for when we were trying to take each other's heads off don't count."

Conversation continued as they ate, and Kim grew serious. "Shego... Were you really trying to kill me the first few times we fought? You said you were going to be honest."

"I... Probably."

"But the last couple years, you've had chances to kill me, and you didn't even try. You've saved my life several times. Why?"

Shego shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Getting you out of the way was my job, but I guess I began to see our competitions as the most excitement there was in my job. And I wanted to beat you fair. That was why I didn't hurt you when I had the chance – like when you were trapped under that file cabinet. And when someone else was threatening you... You're mine, Pumpkin. I need you to make life interesting. And if I can't fight with you physically we'll do this kind of mental battle. Oh, my high school did some musical. A character had the line, 'Oh, don't the days seem lank and long when all goes right and nothing goes wrong, and isn't your life extremely flat with nothing whatever to grumble at!'."

"You sing."

"I was chorus, not the star. And some guy sang that song. Point is, we need some conflict to provide spice. And my spice is this saucy Pumpkin cupcake I know."

"If you need conflict with me I suggested we learn to play chess."

"Will you be honest with me?"

"Sure."

"Okay, would you rather have just finished that meal or be staring at a chess board?"

"Fine, I liked– I loved the meal. But this whole trying to seduce me thing is just wrong."

"But I'm honest. I mean, you know what's going on. It's not like I'm trying to trick you or anything."

Kim was thoughtful for moment, "Interesting question. Can you be honest in trying to do something wrong?"

"What am I doing that's wrong?"

"Trying to seduce me."

"Why is that wrong? People are doing it all the time. You're not jailbait, there is nothing illegal in what I'm doing. Oh, if you say it's immoral I'll demand you explain why, and if you say two women making love is wrong I'll accuse you of being a homophobe. So, I repeat the question, why is it wrong?"

Kim thought for a second, then sighed, "Well, if you put it that way, nothing wrong with you trying to seduce me. Nothing wrong at all." She suddenly grinned, "Especially if I get treated like this." _"But I am not going to bed with you."_

"That's the spirit," laughed Shego.

The waiter stopped at their table to ask if they wanted dessert.

"No thanks–" began Kim

"Slice of the chocolate ganache cake, two small forks," Shego told him. "I'll have a cup of decaf. Kim? I noticed they had Ovaltine."

"You're treating me like a child again."

"I just thought you might like it."

"It's for kids."

"Who brings their kids here?" demanded Shego. She looked at the waiter, "Scratch that decaf. Two hot Ovaltines. Princess here is feeling too insecure to drink alone."

Kim fumed silently until dessert arrived.

The redhead didn't pick up a fork, so Shego cut off a bite of cake and held it up for Kim to try. "Open your mouth and let mommy feed you."

"You keep treating me like a child."

"You keep acting like a child. You're out for a wonderful dinner, enjoying exquisite food, and you sit there sulking. Would a, 'Thank you Shego, dinner was wonderful', really be so hard?"

"This is just so weird, being out with you."

"Ignoring the fact I'm sitting across the table from you, was dinner wonderful or not?"

"To be honest... This is the nicest date I've ever been on. Other than the fact it was with you, everything was perfect. I'm sorry for behaving badly."

"Apology accepted. Now, try this cake, or I'll hold you down and force you to try it."

"You promised not to touch me."

"You gave me permission to touch you in order to save you from harm. And if you don't try this cake you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and for the rest of your life. I'm trying to spare you from psychological trauma."

Kim picked up the second fork. "In that case, it sounds like I'd better try it."

"And," demanded Shego after Kim swallowed.

"Wow," Kim answered and cut off a bigger bite.

"Hey, hey! Don't be a pig! Small bites! Savor!" Shego warned and cut off a small bite to both show Kim the appropriate sized forkful and to keep the redhead from hogging the dessert.

Shego put the engine in park in Kim's driveway, and got out to open the car door for Kim. "I won't see you to your front door," the thief said as Kim got out. "You strike me as someone who doesn't kiss after the first date."

"Say what?"

"Or am I wrong, would you kiss after the first date?"

Kim quickly exited the open car door and fled to her house, she could hear Shego laughing behind her.

In the guest bedroom Joss drew a sigh of relief that Kim was home safely.

* * *

The next day Anne Possible answered the doorbell and found a delivery man from the florist holding a bouquet. She frantically searched her mind for the reason James would have ordered flowers for her – wondering what event she might have forgotten. Had he done something he needed to apologize for?

The mystery deepened when she looked at the card attached to the flowers, "Kim, you were wonderful last night."

"Kim!" Anne called. "Flowers for you, and I want an explanation!"

* * *

 **Author's Note** : I'm certain you all recognized the line Shego quoted as coming from one of King Gama's songs. I can't imagine any high school performing Princess Ida, but I needed a reason Shego would know the line. The Best Enemies Shego is a fan of Gilbert and Sullivan. This one isn't. But there exists the possibility that the writer likes Gilbert and Sullivan.


	7. Take Your Girlie to the Movies

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Take Your Girlie to the Movies, 1919, by Bert Kalmar and Edgar Leslie.

 _Take your girlie to the movies,_  
 _If you can't make love at home;_  
 _There's no little brother there who always squeals,_  
 _You can say an awful lot in the seven reels._

 **Take Your Girlie to the Movies**

"You did what?" Monique demanded when Shego told her of ordering flowers for Kim. "After taking her out to dinner you sent flowers?

"Yep," grinned the green woman.

"You're up to something."

"Jealous? Of course I'm up to something. Competing with Kim is the most fun I get with this job. Since I can't fight her, physically, right now I decided to play with her head."

"Play with her head? That sounds really nasty. You're just setting her up, making her like you before she recuperates and you can smack her down?"

"No, it's not like that... I really like her, sort of... I mean, like I said, I have fun competing with her. I liked going out to dinner with her. I liked– She claims no guy ever took her out to a really fancy restaurant before. Can you believe that?

"Earth to Paris Green, did any guy drop a bundle taking you out to a fancy restaurant when you were in high school?"

"She's not in high school any more," Shego pouted.

"Question stands, when was the first time a guy took you to a really fancy place to eat?"

"Uh, no guy has ever taken me to a place as nice as I took Kim yesterday."

"And number of times a guy has sent you flowers after a date?"

"Uh, once... Well, one rose anyway."

"So you're puttin' a full court press on my BFF, and I'm thinking of calling the cops."

"No way, you're a hostage! You said you'd do anything!"

"I said I wouldn't let you hurt Kim!"

"You need the money for college, and I'm not hurting Kim!"

"I'll delay college before I let you hurt Kim, and playing with her head sounds like you're trying to hurt her."

"I am not trying to hurt her!"

"You trying to get her in bed?"

"Well, duh."

"That's hurting... Did you use me? Swear to God, I'll call the cops right this–"

"Use you? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Did you threaten to hurt me if she didn't–"

"No I did not!" Shego retorted angrily. "There was no threat against you. Period."

"Uh, huh," Monique replied skeptically. "You're asking me to believe Kim wanted to go out with you?"

"I said no such thing. I agreed to take an important mission from Wade if she'd go out with me."

"And did your deal with her require her to go to bed with you, the way you demanded sex with me?"

"No it didn't! And I didn't demand sex from you. I gave you a choice, and you took it. My deal with Kim is that we only have sex if she wants it."

"Wait, you told her that?"

"Sure, I'm trying to be honest with her."

"Then you're never going to get her in bed. She's not going to have sex with anyone she's not in love with."

"I hope I'm not being crude, but, as you just admitted, you agreed to have sex with me."

"Yeah, well I'm me and Kim's Kim. I figure you got to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince Charming. I'm kind of choosy. I'm not gonna kiss every frog I come across. Now you? You're an odd frog, and I know darn well you're no Prince Charming. But, like you said, I made a deal and you're helping me so I'm not complaining. Kim's different. She still thinks she's going to find that perfect guy, the only one in the world who will fulfill her every dream, and they'll marry and settle down in a house with a white–"

"–picket fence, have two point three kids and a dog named Spot. You're kidding me."

"Not by much."

"Then I'm doing her a favor. You're smart enough to know you have to... Did you have to call me a frog? Well Kim needs a wake up call to reality. And she's smart enough to know the two of us are never going to be a couple. We have a great night together, in the morning we kiss, say goodbye, and go back to the old competition without any regrets."

"That couldn't sound stupider."

"No it's not! In your analogy I'll be her first frog. It will be an honor I cherish forever."

"I take back what I said, that sounds even stupider than what you just said."

"Ask Kim! I promised not to twist her arms in any way to get her in bed. I won't even touch her unless she wants me to! I told her I was going to be so sweet and charming she'll want to go to bed with her."

"Playing with a person's feelings is a dirty trick."

"I'm not playing with–"

"Playing was your word. You said it."

"That was a mistake. Ask her! I'm being honest with her."

Monique called Kim on her lunch break at Club Banana. "Uh, Kim? I had a talk with Shego about dinner and flowers. She admits she wants you in bed, but claims she told you that and is being honest with you."

"She, uh... Yeah, she told me she wants sex with me. No way it's gonna... I guess I call that honest. She told me that's what she wants."

"And she's not pressuring you?"

"Define pressuring. I mean, WOW, that was the nicest dinner I've had in my life. If she was a guy he'd have gotten an amazing goodnight kiss on first date."

"Is she using me to pressure you? Is she threatening to hurt me or anything?"

"No. She, uh..."

"She said she did some mission for Wade and you..."

"That's right; and I agreed to date her."

"But that's all you agreed to do?"

"Monique! How can you even ask?"

"You're my friend. I don't want you hurt. I agreed to be hostage on the condition she didn't hurt you. I'll call the police before I–"

"You need her to watch your brothers."

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry about me. She's trying to charm me into bed. No way that's going to happen. I can take care of myself. On the other hand, another dinner like the other night and I might kiss her."

"KIM!"

"Just kidding," the redhead giggled, "I'm perfectly safe."

* * *

Kim still didn't like to think of going out with Shego as a 'date', but dinner had gone very well.

Going to the movies wasn't a date. She and Shego had similar tastes in movies; and she knew she would enjoy watching the film they had agreed on. It would be more fun to see it with Shego than any guy she knew. But that was because they had similar tastes. It wasn't a date. She and Monique went to see movies. They weren't on dates. She watched some very bad movies with Ron before they dated, in the brief period in which they were dating, and had seen movies with him since they had gone back to their old friendship. At least those before and after the dating period had been seeing films without being dates. And she had always hated watching movies with Ron in all three periods. She and Ms Go had enjoyed watching a movie together. It hadn't been a date. She and Shego would enjoy a movie together. And it would not be a date. That was clear in Kim's mind. If Shego insisted on calling it a date that was purely a reflection of the green woman's thought process. It had nothing to do with Kim.

Anne Possible was as enthusiastic about Kim going to a movie with Shego as she had been about Kim going out for dinner with the thief. "You are not recovered enough for a fight!"

"Fortunately I don't plan to fight with her. At least not physically. We could have argued over the movie, but we found one without needing to punch each other out."

"You know what I mean, Kim. You've always told me Shego is dangerous."

"She is. And you'll also remember she's saved my life a few times."

"That doesn't change the fact she is dangerous."

"No it doesn't. But in her own weird way she's honest. She promised not to touch me unless I touch her first, I ask her to touch me, or I'm on fire or something and she needs to put out the flames."

"Unless you ask her to touch you? And why would you ever ask her to touch you?"

"I don't think I will, it was like I ask for a napkin and she hands it to me and her fingers brush my hand or something. It was just, you know, agreeing on the ground rules."

"Ground rules? You need to define some sort of rules clarification with Shego?"

"Yeah, that's it exactly."

"You're going to watch a movie with someone who needs rules clarification? And you're asking me not to worry?"

"I told you, in her own weird way she's honest. Once the ground rules are set I don't think she'll break them."

"And I still say you shouldn't trust her."

"Would it make you feel any better if I told you I don't really trust her either?"

"It might make me feel slightly better. But it makes me ask why you agreed to go to a movie with her in the first place."

"Because we both want to see it, and our tastes in movies are similar. I'm pretty sure she didn't touch me at any point when we went out to dinner. Can I promise you that we'll order separate popcorn at the theater instead of sharing a tub? That way you won't have to worry that our hands might bump together as we each reached in, and the touch of my hand thrill her so much she whispers in a throaty voice, 'Kim, I love you!'."

"You're being silly. She is a dangerous woman, and you're not entirely well."

"It's just watching a movie. Remember that. It's only a movie."

Part of Kim had resented being told to change clothes before going out to dinner with Shego, although the cheerleader laid most of the blame on the thief for not telling her in advance where they would be eating. On the other hand, Kim would have felt like a total slob had Shego not instructed her to change clothing. Since she knew the theater Kim chose her outfit with unusual care, making sure it was exactly right for a movie date. Not that this was a date. It wasn't. But, if it was, the guy would let out a low whistle when she walked downstairs and feel he was the luckiest guy in Middleton to be going to the movies with her. She was going to prove to Shego she knew how to dress for a date, it would prove to Shego that the green woman was to blame for how poorly Kim had dressed before.

Kim was not planning a grand entrance for Shego, but she was not ready when Shego arrived. A traffic jam delayed Kim down on the way home from Club Banana. She was still perfecting her makeup when her mother called, "Kim! You-know-who is here."

"I have a name, you know," Shego told her.

"You have two or three that I know of, although none of them are real, and several things you are called."

"You should be careful about what you believe on the internet. Is Kim about ready? We don't want to miss the start."

They heard a door open, and the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Kim's outfit evoked two very different responses in the women at the foot of the stairs. It worried her mother, who would wait until Kim came home before demanding to know why Kim had dressed so well for just watching a movie – especially a movie with Shego. It confused Shego. The green woman's first thought was optimism – Kim was dressing to impress her. Her second thought was pessimism – Kim was dressing to tease her.

Kim sensed her mother's displeasure, and said nothing until they were out of the house and Shego held the car door open for Kim. "Well?" Kim asked as Shego held the car door open for her.

"Well what?" Shego asked as she closed the car door for Kim, then went to the other side and got behind the wheel.

"How do I look?"

"You know know how you look."

"Sometimes a girl likes to be told."

"Fishing for compliments? Why do you want me to tell you? Are you trying to make yourself look attractive for me, or are you trying to tease me?"

"Neither! I... I guess I didn't like being told to change clothes before we went out for dinner the other day, and–"

"You'd rather I'd taken you to the restaurant the way you were dressed?"

"You could have told me in advance where you were going to take me!"

"And spoil the surprise? When someone is trying to seduce you, you should assume she won't be taking you to Bueno Nacho."

"I've never had anyone trying to seduce me before."

"Then the guys in Middleton are either jerks, or clueless. Maybe both. Or, it could be that you are totally oblivious and you only know it now because I'm so honest I told you. Oh, and you look gorgeous. Which you already realize. Looking that hot, when you're out with someone trying to get you in bed, screams you are very interested."

"T-T-That's not what I meant!" Kim stuttered. Shego glanced over, and found the cheerleader blushing red. "I- I just wanted to show you I know how to dress appropriately."

"You weren't trying to be the most beautiful woman in the theater?"

"No! I was... I... You really think so?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, I... Do you mean that or is that a compliment because you're trying to get me in bed with you?"

"It can't be both?"

As they neared the theater Kim giggled, "I promised my mother we'd have separate popcorn boxes."

"Say what?"

"She's concerned that if our hands touch while reaching into a tub of popcorn an electric thrill will run through your body and you will profess your passionate love to me."

"Seriously?"

"No. But she is seriously concerned about you starting a fight with me."

"And your views on that subject?"

"I trust you... OMG," Kim giggled. "I said I trusted you! Does that sound as crazy to you as it does to me? And it just means I trust we'll enjoy the movie. I don't trust you trust you."

Kim found seats in theater five while Shego ordered popcorn and sodas. The houselights were dimming for previews of coming attractions when Shego found her. "I promised my mom we'd have separate boxes of popcorn," Kim reminded Shego with a whisper at the sight of one huge tub of buttered popcorn and two sodas.

"You promised her. Go buy your own if it's important to you," whispered Shego.

Kim hesitated. She might miss the start of the movie while standing in line at the concession stand. "Do you promise to not be overcome with lust if we go for popcorn at the same time and our hands touch?"

"I promise to control my lust until the movie is over. I'll wait to jump you during the closing credits."

It became something of a game between them during the slower scenes in the movie. Kim would try to dart a hand into the popcorn tub and snatch a few kernels of popcorn, and Shego would attempt to 'casually' go for popcorn at the same time so their hands would touch.

Kim giggled, and whispered in Shego's ear, "You're not supposed to touch me."

"You're touching me," Shego insisted in the return whisper. "And stealing my popcorn."

"Stop for a cup of coffee and movie conversation before I take you home?" Shego offered at the end of the movie.

"Only if you let me buy coffee and, whatever."

"I think I've had enough popcorn that I don't need any whatever... Unless it's smothered in chocolate ganache."

"I know what you mean. I could probably eat an old hiking boot if they covered it with that stuff."

Nothing in the small pastry case at the coffee shop was covered with chocolate ganache, so Kim and Shego ordered two medium mochas and found an open couch. For the most part they agreed on what they considered the good parts, or the bad parts. There was disagreement in regard to what three scenes should be considered the best – and in what order, and a serious disagreement as to the two most egregious plot holes. Kim argued one character's motivation made no sense. Shego insisted the reason's for Will's actions had been set up, but when Kim tried to pin her down on how the motivation was established the green woman couldn't find a good answer.

Trouble, in the form of Bonnie Rockwaller entered the coffee shop on the arm of an offensive linesman on the Middleton football team. Steve had been considered the smartest individual on the football team, although the fact he was out with Bonnie called his taste into question – at least as far as Kim was concerned. He would start Princeton in the fall, and planned to focus on AI. Not that it mattered to Bonnie.

"Isn't that Kim?" he asked.

"Where... Oh... Is that Ms Go she's with?"

Steve shrugged, "I don't know. Could be. Should we say hi?"

Bonnie, under normal circumstances, would have simply ignored Kim's presence. But there was something odd about the sight of the two women being there together, and the way Kim was dressed made Bonnie curious about who the redhead was trying to impress. "Sure."

"Haven't seen you since graduation, Kim. How's it going?"

"Fine, Bonnie. Ron says you're in two of his summer classes. How are they coming along?"

"Just great," Bonnie answered in a hard tone. She didn't like being reminded that she needed to make up two classes she had failed in order for her graduation to be official. And she didn't like it being said in front of her very smart date. "You're awfully dressed up. Do you have a date in the bathroom or something?"

"No. Just went to Autumn on the Seine. It's pretty good."

"You went with Ms Go?"

"It's Miss Green," Shego told her.

Bonnie felt slightly confused. "You look like Ms Go, a teacher we–"

"A woman should be able to change her name as easily as she changes her outfits," yawned Shego. "It makes life ever so much more interesting."

Steve quietly maneuvered Bonnie in the direction of the barista so they could place an order. He found it impossible to start a decent conversation for the rest of the evening as she obsessed over seeing Kim and Shego together.

"We never heard the real story for Ms. Go leaving," Bonnie reminded him. "I mean, there were rumors. One was that her credentials were faked. Someone said maybe she got caught fooling around with a student."

"Maybe she had a family emergency or something innocent," suggested Steve.

"Then why the secrecy? And why is she back now? And why is she back with a fake name? Why are Kim and 'Miss Green' out together? And why is Kim dressed like that?"

"What's wrong with how Kim is dressed?"

"Nothings wrong with it. That's the problem. I wouldn't get dressed up like that to catch a movie with Tara or Crystal. She's dressed to impress the person she's with."

"So she wants Miss Green to think she dresses nice. No big deal."

"Ah Steve," Bonnie crooned, and patted him on the cheek, "so innocent. You don't dress up nicely just so people will think you can dress nicely. Kim wants a lot more than that from 'Miss Green' and the fact Ms Go is back in town says she's probably getting it."

Kim, unaware that the rumor mill had started to turn, left the coffee shop with Shego.

At one in the morning a faint rapping on her window awakened Kim, who heard the window sliding open. _"Oh great, what now?"_ she wondered as she waited for the desk light to come on.

"Remember that early scene in the movie where Will spoke to Tahj?"

"It's one in the morning. I can't remember my own name. Why are you here?"

"Seriously. Remember the scene?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Remember that Tahj revealed to Will that Raven was actually his sister? That was the reveal! That explains Will's motive!"

Kim sighed and thought a moment. "You're right. Now get out of here."

"Say it once more and I'm gone."

"Tell you to get out of here?"

"No, say I'm right. You know what I meant."

"And it's still one and you shouldn't expect me to be thinking clearly. But you were right."

* * *

The delivery man left a package at the Possible home. After the disappointment with the flowers Anne read the card first. For Kim, from Paris Green. Anne shook it slightly. The size, weight, and the sound and feel produced by the limited shaking all proclaimed a box of chocolates

Shego sat on a chair in the living room of the apartment, staring with amazement at the trio on the couch – Ron and Monique's brothers – as they wildly cheered, analyzed, second-guessed, laughed, and groaned at the choreographed antics of the professional wrestlers on the televised match. Her opinion of Ron had never been very high, but she had thought Monique's brothers were too smart to be entertained by such rubbish. A key could be heard in the door.

Monique entered, looked in at the happy group, stomped back to her room, and slammed the door with a resounding crash.

"Uh-oh, something wrong," was Ron's opinion.

"What was the clue?" asked Shego, then she offered, "Let me check."

Monique was pulling off her shirt when Shego walked in. "Nice boobs," the thief commented.

"Don't you knock?" the black woman snapped.

"Obviously not. Hey, you've seen me change. It seems fair."

"Get out!"

"You're in a mood."

"No, I'm not!"

"Want to re-think your answer, based on decibel level?"

Monique closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Okay. I'm in a mood."

"Hormones?"

"No."

"Well then, I might have the cure. Why don't we take advantage of Ron. We leave him here with your brothers and I take you out to eat."

"That... Wait a minute. We're going somewhere to eat a meal, or we're going to a cheap motel and you'll eat me?"

Shego grinned, "I hadn't even thought of that."

"The restaurant or the cheap motel?"

"The cheap motel. That may actually be what you need. But I'm offering to take you out to eat at some moderate restaurant. You're acting like you had the mother of all crappy days and you look like you need fast speedy relief rather than some snooty maître d' who sniffs there's a two hour wait."

"I..." Monique hesitated. "Any chance of a rain check? Right this minute I think I need to relax more than anything. It was one heck of a day and–"

"Perhaps even one hell of a day?"

"Yeah, probably. Anyway, feeling stressed up to my eyeballs – and then walking in and seeing everyone looking all happy – something just snapped. Sorry."

"No problem. We all have days like that. Planning to change the bra too, or just the shirt? Can I watch? I promise not to take pictures."

"Er, just gonna change the shirt."

"I guess I can wait. Put on a shirt. I'll throw another bag of popcorn in the microwave, just for you. Sit on the floor in front of me and maybe I can massage some of the tensions away."

There was no point in asking, "Do I owe you one?" Shego had stopped counting when Monique's 'debt' passed fifty. The green woman's explanation at the time was, 'If you like sex with me, we can do it again. If we don't enjoy it there's no point in a second time'. Monique responded to Shego's offer of popcorn and a neck rub with, "Thanks. Go start the popcorn so I can have privacy changing shirts."

"You never let me have any fun," complained Shego. "Oh, wait... You will."

Shego had a little trouble believing it, but Monique seemed to enjoy watching the wrestling matches as much as her brothers and Ron. It make massaging Monique's shoulders and neck difficult as the black woman did the same sort of excited gestures and movements as the three males. "I could massage your neck and shoulders a lot better if you stopped moving around like a frog in a hot skillet," Shego warned.

"It's a great match!" Monique insisted.

"It's professional wrestling, it's all fake!"

"It's educational," claimed Monique.

"Sure," Shego sneered, "what have you learned?"

"This," Monique demonstrated. She was seated on the floor in front of the chair in which Shego sat. She grabbed Shego's right arm with both hands and jerked forward, flipping the thief out of the chair and onto the floor in front of her. Shego landed on her back with a thud. Before the green woman could recover Monique landed on top of her, and started to tickle.

It took Shego, who hadn't been expecting the attack a moment to recover, and she was further hampered by the fact she was ticklish. As she launched her retaliation she discovered that Monique was ticklish as well.

Ron and Monique's brothers temporarily left the match on the television to cheer for one or both of the two women struggling and laughing on the floor. The battle did not last long. A thumping on the floor... caused by someone in the apartment below banging a broom on his ceiling was a warning to knock it off or he would call the building superintendent.

Monique sat quietly on the floor in front of the chair where Shego sat and let the thief massage her neck and shoulders.

Ron left at the end of the match. After Monique's brothers had gone to bed, Monique told Shego, "I'm going to bed early tonight. I need it after today." She impulsively gave the green woman a hug. "Hey, thanks for being a friend."

Shego found the gesture made her uncomfortable. She was no one's friend, and Monique should realize that.


	8. There's No Surf in Middleton

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

In 1978 the Euclid Beach Band informed the world There's No Surf in Cleveland. Most of us suspected that. They offered good news to Beach Boy fans who might have doubted if there is life without surfing. The Euclid Beach Band assured listeners you could have all sorts of fun without surfing. I figure there's probably no surfing in Middleton either. Is there fun? I'll leave that to the reader.

 **There's No Surf in Middleton  
**

Shego checked her phone between teaching private self-defense lessons at the the Y, and found a text from Monique. 'Call me'.

Monique answered with, "Give me a second to tell Shelly to cover for me. I'm going to the break room." Less than thirty seconds later Monique got back on the phone, "Okay, what's up with you and Kim?"

"Excuse me? Haven't we had this discussion already?"

"Not this discussion. There are rumors flying."

"What kind of rumors?"

Monique hesitated. "Okay, sounds crazy. And I don't think it's true. And if it's true I'm not sure it's any of my business. But Hope was in the store today. You don't know Hope. She was a cheerleader with Kim. Well, she was in Club Banana and–"

"Is there a point to this?"

"She heard you and Kim were sleeping together."

"What?"

"You heard me. You said you and Kim went to a movie the other day."

"We did."

"Someone see you there?"

"Are you asking for witnesses to prove we were there? We weren't invisible. A hundred people or so saw us."

"I'm trying to figure out who started the stupid rumor. Did you talk with anyone?"

"Ticket seller, usher, concession stand – Kim wasn't with me at the concessions. Theater was fairly full, mostly women watching it with friends... Oh, ran into someone when we stopped for coffee afterward. Some bitchy brunette... Bonnie."

"Bonnie? Bonnie Rockwaller?"

"Yeah. She didn't say anything of value and moved on. Nothing was said that would make a normal person think anything. I mean, Kim was better dressed for a movie than she needed to be, but that didn't mean anything."

"Your operative phrase there was 'normal person'. Bonnie is not a normal person, she hates Kim and... Kim dressed up for the movie? I don't understand. It almost... No, that's crazy. No way would Kim be trying to impress you."

"Really trying to crush my spirit there, Kate."

"No, seriously. What do you mean overdressed?"

"She looked real hot. Confused the heck out of me, but she explained she was pissed off I had her change clothes before dinner the other day. Before we went out to eat I made her change her outfit, she looked like a slob. So she wanted to make me feel under-dressed or something for the movies. Any chance this stupid rumor will just die?"

"Not if Bonnie is spreading it. Should we tell Kim?"

"How about we ignore it? If it stays alive she'll hear it eventually. No reason to worry her now. And if it dies, great."

Monique wanted very, very much to question Shego about the movie date, but told herself it was none of her business. Shego wanted Kim in bed. Monique trusted Kim to say no. She knew Kim had only agreed to go out with Shego because of some favor Shego had done. Kim getting dressed up for the movies seemed unusual, but Monique accepted Shego's theory for Kim's behavior rather than jumping to the conclusion reached by Bonnie. (It didn't matter that there was no hard proof that Bonnie started the rumor. In Monique's mind the fact Bonnie had talked with Kim and Shego after the movie established the theory as a fact.)

* * *

Shego performed another mission in Kim's place, with Ron and Rufus assisting. She wasn't sure why getting Wade's phone number seemed so important, probably because not having it might seem a sign of weakness. Shego hated appearing weak.

The mission proved relatively simple. Another of Cyrus Bortel's inventions had been stolen.

"Why doesn't he just hire decent security?" Ron asked as their ride took them to the hideout of the thieves Wade had traced through computer hacking.

"'Cause you and Pumpkin will protect his ass for free. And half his inventions are borderline illegal, and a couple are simply immoral. You think Bortel wants too much scrutiny?"

Ron shrugged, "Guess you're right."

"Let's get this over fast. I hate this stupid wig. You really think anyone will be fooled and think I'm Kim, just because I'm dressed like her?"

"Well, if we're fast enough it doesn't matter."

'Kim' and Ron rescued the device, but somehow on the return trip 'Kim' managed to accidentally break the invention. It wasn't easy, but she managed. "Ooops. Maybe that'll teach Bortel a lesson," she commented. Bortel had the plans and could build another, but even if insurance paid for the new parts it would still take him time to rebuild the device.

Ron called Kim on their return to Middleton to report on the mission. Shego briefed Wade. And at one in the morning Shego stealthily entered Kim's bedroom window to complain about Ron.

"You really dated that idiot?"

"He's not an idiot! He's my best friend. Okay, dating didn't work out so hot, but he's still my best friend."

"He's useless! The rat did more than Ron."

"Only because you didn't need him. Ron does as little as required. If you can do it all he's happy to let you do it all, but if you need his help he can do anything. He's the world's greatest backup."

"Let's hope I never need to count on him for backup," grumbled Shego.

* * *

"You went out late last night," Monique commented at breakfast.

"No I didn't," Shego lied.

"I heard you."

"Oh, I mean I wasn't out out, last night. I wasn't out doing... Not that it's any of your business, I just felt like taking a walk. You know, to help me relax. Just walked around the block."

Monique was beginning to read Shego. The green woman was lying. But the black woman had no idea why. If Shego had gone out to a bar there would be no reason to hide it. Monique promised herself she would listen to the news to see if there had been a robbery, but Shego seemed be taking the vacation angle seriously.

* * *

Monique's day off work gave Shego a day off from watching Monique's brothers, and a day to spend with Kim.

Their next outing was to Pike's Lake, north of Middleton. Kim drove. They arrived wearing their swimsuits under beach robes, Kim in a white one-piece and Shego in green.

"This is the best beach Middleton has to offer?" Shego complained as she looked it over.

"Whine, whine, whine. It's not like there are a lot to chose from," Kim reminded her. "If you want a public beach in Middleton this is pretty much it."

The green woman shrugged. "Some dates are duds."

"I'm hoping you mean the activity and not the person. Although if you're tired of dating me that's fine too."

"In some cases it's both. Here it's only the beach. I shall once again spend the afternoon telling you how wonderful you are."

"I've got an idea, how about you read your magazines and I read this book I'm supposed to finish before classes start this fall. Maybe a couple dips in the lake and some volleyball?"

"You haven't even started college and you're already doing homework? This is the summer between high school and college. You're supposed to take it easy, enjoy yourself, and have a passionate, romantic affair before life gets serious. Work with me, Pumpkin, I'm doing my best to provide the romance, but you got to help me."

"I'm offering to be your volleyball partner."

"Slow progress," Shego sighed, "but at least it's progress. You're allowed to play volleyball now?"

"Obviously. I follow the rules. Can't spend the day doing it, but I have permission for a couple games. And I can't race you to the diving raft yet."

"Okay, and I'll get us some ice cream cones at some point and as the heat melts it, and ice cream suggestively drips onto your toned body I shall graciously offer to lick it off."

"And I shall tell you to jump in the lake, which is what I will do if I get any ice cream on me."

"You really don't want me to have any fun."

"Not if I can help it."

"Ah well, I'm hoping you get your hands on me today."

"No way!"

"Way," Shego answered and reached into her beach bag. She tossed a plastic bottle to Kim. "Sunscreen me."

"Will you return the favor?"

"I figured I'd probably get my hands on you today. Of course, it's only with your permission – I'm keeping my promise."

"I distinctly remember our hands touching in the popcorn tub."

"I was defending my property as Kim Possible, girl thief, tried to steal it from me."

"Fine, have it your way. I'm a thief. But I think saving me from sunburn is like the permission I've already given you to save me from imminent peril."

Kim had brought a small cooler with diet sodas, and they each had one as they read for an hour.

Shego bought ice cream, and Kim ate her cone fast enough there wasn't time for any to drip on her. Shego consumed hers more slowly. She winked at Kim, "Well, I was going to offer to lick off anything that dripped on to you. Care to make the same offer to me?"

"Nope. Remember I said I'd jump in the lake if I got any ice cream on me? Here's my advice to you, 'Goest thou and jump in yonder lake'. I'll join you."

Twenty minutes in the water was followed by a game of beach volleyball. Kim and Shego were unaccustomed to working together, and further hampered by Kim having not trained or exercised in weeks. They lost the first game, rallied and won the second. Shego called off the third when it appeared to her that Kim had over-exerted herself.

"We could have beat them," Kim complained as they walked down to the lake.

"And you could have ended up back in bed from exhausting yourself. You're panting."

"Am not," Kim lied.

After a quick dip in the water to wash off sand and sweat they returned to the shelter of the beach umbrella.

Kim realized something was wrong, and it wasn't Shego. The pale woman left Kim in peace as she read her assigned textbook. Kim closed her book and shut her eyes for a minute to clear the image of pages blurring together from her mind. "I think this is the dullest thing I've ever read in my life. I'm never going to survive Russian history! Dull! Dull! Dull! And boring."

"Russian history is not dull," Shego retorted. "The book may be dull. Blame the writer, not the Russians. Sex, violence, crazies. Russian history is good stuff. With a good writer the truth is better than any novel. Maybe your teacher will be better. A good teacher can cover for the sins of a bad textbook."

Kim confirmed her fears by looking at the cover, "She wrote the book."

"Ouch. 'I weep for you,' the Walrus said, 'I deeply sympathize.' So, you have my sympathy. Anything else you want from me? I could stick a tongue in your ear to take your mind off what you're reading."

"This is so bad," Kim chuckled, "I'm almost tempted to say yes."

Shego laughed and pumped her fist, "Yes! I'm starting to tempt you."

"Just compared to reading this!" Kim reminded her quickly.

"Like I said before, slow progress – but still progress."

"Did you take Russian history in college?"

"Kate and I have certain boundaries, I don't ask her–"

"I asked if you took Russian history in college."

"And I'm telling you that asking me about college is an off-limits topic."

"That bad, huh? I didn't–"

"You're talking about me and college. Drop it. I'll respect a topic you put off limits, like your homophobia."

"I'm... I'm not sure how to respond to that. It's kind of a 'have you stopped beating your wife yet' kind of question. I don't think I'm a homophobe, but if I say I'm not it just encourages you."

"Yep, declare yourself a bigot or confess you might be interested."

"Russian history sounds better all the time," Kim said and opened the textbook.

More napping, and another diet soda took up most of the afternoon. Late in the afternoon Kim glanced over at Shego to see if she was awake. "I'm glad you're a woman."

"Huh?

"I'm having so much fun with you... If you were a guy... If you were a guy I might be in trouble."

"If your hormones are raging don't let the fact I'm a woman stop you."

"My hormones aren't raging. I'm having fun. And you're spoiling me."

"I could kill the mood by saying, 'That explains the smell', or I can compliment you and say you're a special woman who deserves to be treated well."

Kim chuckled, "You're as good at being good as you're good at being bad."

"Shhhh," Shego warned in a gentle hiss, and winked at Kim. She whispered, "Don't let Drakken know. He's already pissed that I'm spending so much time here. He wants me to come back and steal for him."

"But you plan to eventually, don't you?"

"Eh, I'm kind of getting into this. Tell me, right this minute, would you rather be lying here on the beach by a beautiful woman or stealing for Drakken?"

"I don't think that's a choice that–"

"Which one? If those were the only two options you had."

"Rather be here with you."

"And I can be even better – want me to prove it?"

"Not tonight, Dear," Kim laughed, "I have a headache."

* * *

As they headed back to the car Kim confessed, "Uh, Shego? I... I've been putting off... I'm not sure... Uh, supposed to tell you that you're eating dinner with the family this Thursday."

"You're getting serious about me?" the green woman laughed. "Taking me home to meet the parents and see if they approve?"

"Not exactly, more like you should consider it a command performance. You're dating their daughter, mom and dad... mostly mom, insist you come to dinner."

"I'm not dating their daughter. I'm trying to seduce her."

"You want to tell them that? And exactly how are you trying to seduce me? Aren't you taking me out on dates?"

"Well yeah, I'm taking you out on dates," Shego reluctantly admitted. "They think I'm seriously interested in you?"

"They're my parents. I don't know what they're thinking. But c'mon, flowers? candy? That was seriously corny."

"Uh... Exactly what have you told them? Did you tell them I'm trying to seduce you?"

Kim rolled her eyes, "You think I'd tell them that?"

"Just checking... If your dad comes to the door with a shotgun I'll figure you're lying to me."

"No, but you might want to think of what you're going to say if he asks your intentions towards his daughter."

Shego's forehead wrinkled in thought, "He wouldn't... Would he?"

"Those might or might not be his exact words. Maybe it will be mom. But either he or mom will probably interrogate you."

Shego sarcastically twirled her index finger in the air, "Oh, this sounds like a real night for whoopee – grilled by your folks. I feel a cold coming on, and won't be able to make it."

"I think it's come to dinner or don't expect any more dates with me."

"You're kidding, right?"

"I get the impression that's Mom's idea."

"You could sneak out the window or something, couldn't you? I mean, if I can get in you're healthy enough to get out. You're an adult, you can decide for yourself."

"I'm their daughter living in their house. And I play by the rules. You've got a choice, dinner on Thursday or I won't be going out with you."

"What time?" grumbled Shego.

"Six," Kim told her. Part of her had wanted Shego to refuse, and yet she found herself feeling slightly pleased that the green woman had accepted Anne Possible's terms.

* * *

"You seem really happy," Monique remarked over dinner.

"Good day at the beach," grinned Shego. "Maybe even a great day at the beach."

"Sure," the black woman agreed in a tone that screamed skepticism about Shego's understanding of the word 'great'. "Why don't you tell me all about it over tea after Nelson and Steve go to bed."

An hour and a half later Shego put steaming mugs of tea down on the table as Monique brought out the Milano cookies.

"Okay, you were at the beach. You realize that stupid rumor about you and Kim isn't going to die if you keep being seen with her."

"C'mon people aren't that stupid. Most of the women there today were there with other women. Most of the guys were there with other guys. People hang out at the beach with their friends. It not like there was any kind of PDA. There was zip, nada, zilch. We read, played volleyball, and swam."

"And you're happy because?"

Shego smiled broadly, "I think Kim is getting to like me."

The black woman raised an eyebrow, "Could you give me an example?"

"Well, when we went out to eat she was really nervous, and not just because it was a fancier place than she'd ever been to. She was scared. Then, at the movie she was... I mean, it was just watching a movie, but we talked afterward like friends or something. And today at the beach? I think we did a little flirting back and forth. She said if I was a guy she might fall for me."

"And that really matters to you?"

"Of course it does!" snapped Shego.

"And you're getting to like her too, aren't you," Monique sighed.

"What? Jealous?"

Monique drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm your friend. I'm trying to do you a favor. This is bad idea, on so many levels. You need to stop making moves on Kim. It's not good for either one of you. The two of you are too different."

"That's not–"

"Even outside of the different sides of the law question you two are wildly incompatible for commitment reasons. You're against a committed relationship, and she's for it."

"I told you, I'm not against commitment," Shego reminded her. "I think they sound great. I'm just a realist. Going back to different sides of the law thing, I mean a long term relationship isn't going to happen. Not with Kim anyway. I know that. Kim knows that."

"Okay, you're ambivalent on a committed relationship. That doesn't–"

"I'm not even ambivalent! I'm all for it. It just ain't gonna happen!"

"Lower your voice or you'll wake up Nelson."

"Sorry. But you're putting words in my mouth."

"You're getting to like her. Maybe she's getting to like you. Maybe she was just–"

"She's starting to like me!" insisted Shego.

"You will go back to Drakken someday, and that's gonna mess you both up."

"I can live with it. I'm a bad girl."

"And I saw the way you looked tonight. You're starting to fall for her. You're going to be in trouble if you don't stop it now."

"Hey, your dad may be named for a prophet, but you're not one. I can take care of myself."

* * *

"Wade?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, Kim. What's up? How're you doing?"

"Much better. I need a favor."

"For you? Anything."

"Okay, this may sound weird, but I was at the beach today with Shego. I was talking about college this fall, and asked Shego about college and she got weird on me... I mean, she's always, but... She said college was something she wouldn't talk about."

Wade hesitated, "And your favor?"

"I'm curious. Did she get kicked out or something? Why didn't she want to talk about it? You can find out where she went to college, can't you?"

"Well, I... Uh, I mean, if she doesn't want to talk about it I think I should respect her wishes."

Kim stared hard at the small screen of the Kimmunicator, "That doesn't sound like you. You want to know everything... You already know, don't you! Are you blackmailing her to force her to do missions?"

The image of Wade on the small screen began to break up, and the static quickly grew worse. "Losing signal," Wade told her, "going under a bridge."

"You're at home!" Kim shouted at the screen as it went dark.


	9. Dinner Music for Hungry Cannibals

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I originally had this chapter titled 'Guess Who's Coming to Dinner', but despite the movie's controversy in 1967 it has aged badly, in my opinion. Raymond Scott doesn't get old. In 1943 Warner Brothers bought rights to use his music, and Carl Stalling put it into over a 100 cartoons, with later animators continuing to draw on Scott's music. (You have heard Scott's music. Go to YouTube and listen to Powerhouse.) His compositional technique differed greatly from other jazz musicians, but that gets too far afield for this note. **  
**

 **Dinner Music for a Pack of Hungry Cannibals**

Kim wondered if Shego applied the same set of rules to Monique that she applied to Kim. Not that she imagined Shego was trying to seduce Monique. But Shego had said something about topics that were off-limits between her and Monique. Maybe she should have listened better when Shego tried to explain off-limit topics. Or, Kim wondered, could there be different off-limit topics for Monique and her? Could Monique know why Shego didn't want to talk about her college days with Kim? Probably not. But one person could certainly tell her something about where Shego attended college.

 _"Hello?"_

"Mister Barkin? This is Kim Possible."

 _"Miss Possible. I hope you're fully recovered."_

"Yes, thank you. I, ah, called to ask if you could do a little favor, please?"

 _"A favor?"_

"Yes. I... That is, could you please tell what college Ms Go attended?"

The assistant principal's voice took on a hard edge. _"I don't know a Ms Go."_

"Sure you do. You hired her as a substitute teacher at Middleton for a couple weeks this–"

 _"There has never been a teacher at Middleton High named Ms Go."_

"She taught–"

 _"I repeat, there was never a teacher at Middleton High named Ms Go, and you must now excuse me. I have chocolate chip ice cream in the oven and need to check on it. Good-bye Miss Possible._

 _"Chocolate chip ice cream in the oven?_ " Kim wondered. She suspected he meant cookies, but after the incident of the cherry gelatin and the emu she had given up on trying to understand Mr. Barkin.

* * *

Shego took deep, cleansing breaths to calm her nerves as she stared at her watch prior to ringing the Possible doorbell on Thursday. She was exactly on time. There were people for whom six o'clock meant a quarter 'til six. There were people for whom six meant six-thirty. There were people who regarded it as rude if you arrived even three minutes early, or three minutes late. Shego's best guess was that Anne Possible liked things done exactly on time.

The tension each of the three women felt as they ate dinner was obvious. It was obvious to each other. Men, being men, were, of course, oblivious.

At the end of the meal Anne instructed her sons, "Jim, Tim, eat your pie in the living room. Adult conversation in here."

A vague instinct for self-preservation caused James Possible to want to pick up his plate of lemon meringue pie and seek refuge in the television room with his sons. But years of married life had taught him that the path which seemed to lead to safety in the short term was sometimes the most fraught with danger in the long term, and he remained at the table.

"Coffee with dessert?" Anne asked.

"Yes, please," her husband answered.

Shego thought quickly, a cup of hot coffee might make a good offensive weapon if she needed to escape suddenly, "Sure."

"Now then," Anne began when everyone had been served and they were again all seated, she looked at Shego, "I want to ask about you and my daughter. Let's begin with the big one – I've heard you and Kim are having sex."

"What?" sputtered James.

"No way!" Kim protested.

"You shouldn't listen to idiot rumors," yawned Shego.

"The accusation doesn't seem to surprise you," Anne commented. "Did you start the story?"

"Mom–" Kim tried to protest.

"Oh, Monique called and told me about the rumor a couple days ago," explained Shego. "Her opinion is that Bonnie Whats-her-name started it."

"And you didn't tell me?" objected Kim.

"Would it have done any good, Pumpkin? I mean, seriously, are you going to punch out the idiot for lying? And it's your own fault."

"How is it Kim's fault?" Dr. Possible wanted to know.

Shego shrugged, "That was the theory Monique and I worked out. Kim looked like she was dressed to impress at the movies, and she was with me – so either Bonnie jumped to a wild conclusion or she's simply a lying manipulative bitch. Although it could be both."

Kim repeated, "You should have told me."

"So, mind at ease?" Shego asked Anne. "Although, if Kim and I were having sex, would it be any of your business?"

"Mom! Shego and I are not–"

"You have tried to kill Kim in the past, you are now treating her like... like a friend. I think I have every reason to be concerned."

"Mom! Shego has saved my life!"

"Which doesn't change the fact she has tried to kill you." Anne looked at Shego. "Do you deny that?"

"Nope, true enough. But that was years ago, as Kim has mentioned."

"It still makes me reluctant to trust you. You and Kim still fight regularly, so I am very curious why you are going out with her?"

"Do you mean how I coerced her, or my motives?"

"You coerced her?"

"You think she would go out with me because she likes me? She's out of action, so I've done a couple missions in her place with the condition she accepts my invitations."

Anne looked at Kim, "Is this true?"

Kim squirmed slightly, "Well... Yes."

"And you didn't mention this?" She looked at Shego, "I don't think promises made under duress–"

"Hey, I didn't twist her arm. I gave her a proposition, she accepted, I did the work. There is a karma balance sheet and I'm calling in the debt."

"I will talk to Kim about her agreeing to your proposition later. What are your motives?"

"You're asking a lot of questions, but you haven't answered mine. Would it be your business if Kim and I were sleeping together?"

"Mom! I'm not sleeping with her!"

Anne ignored her daughter. She finally answered, "I'm not sure. Kim is an adult. I have serious issues with you, however. Given your history of fighting with my daughter I find your behavior very suspicious."

"Fair enough. And now you are asking about my motives. Working for Drakken was getting boring until Kim came along. I tried swatting her like a mosquito at first, and she just kept coming back. Sometimes I'd win. Sometimes she'd win. I like the challenge. So I stopped trying to hurt her seriously, and have stepped in a couple times when someone else was threatening her... Can't let someone else take away my fun. And then she got that damn mono. I miss the competition. She may miss it too, Kim suggested we learn how to play chess so we could–"

"Kim suggested the two of you learn how to play chess?" James Possible asked in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"I assume she was serious. The point is, I wanted a challenge and she's one of the few people who can give me one. She can't fight until she's back to a hundred percent. I don't cheat at solitaire. Since there's no point fighting her physically right now I'm trying a mental challenge, her suggestion was chess. I decided to try testing her temper. We go out and I insult and tease her, trying to get her mad enough to try and punch me."

"You're teasing and insulting my daughter?"

"Sure and she gives it right–"

"Shego is lying, Mom," protested Kim. "Okay, we do a little teasing, but I think she's lonely and–"

"I'm not lonely!"

"Okay, how about you want to be with someone who knows the real you, so you can relax and be yourself. I'm pretty sure you told me that."

"I... I told you that," Shego admitted. "But that doesn't mean I'm lonely! I just don't want to put on a stupid, fake plastic smile and pretend to be someone I'm not. It just means I want to hang around with someone who knows me so I don't have to be fake – it doesn't mean anything else."

"And your long term plans? Are you still working for Drakken?" Anne demanded

"Yeah, if he needs me I go back – and Kim should wait until she's really ready for a fight before she tries anything. I figure I'm working by just being here in Middleton and monitoring how fast Kim is getting back in shape. Actually, the good doctor and I are having something of an argument at the moment. He wants me back stealing for him now and thinks my Middleton vacation has lasted too long already."

"So, when are you planning to go back?"

"Heck of a question. I can't believe I'm still here. Monique begged me to come when her aunt needed surgery and–"

"She begged you to come? And since you mentioned Monique, exactly what is your relationship with her?"

"Doctor Possible, I'm trying to be as honest with you about Kim as I can manage. I haven't had a lot of practice. However, I'm pretty sure that my relationship with Monique is none of your damn business."

Anne Possible was a woman accustomed to getting her way, and having her questions answered. Her husband and daughter held their breaths, expecting an explosion. There was a moment of silence as the fuse burned, and then... It didn't happen. "You are correct. It is none of my business. I apologize for asking."

"No problem, you're concerned for Kim. It just made you a little rude." Shego glanced at Kim, "Think she'll try hitting me, or is her self control and patience as good as yours?"

"My self control is excellent," Anne assured her. "I've wanted to call the police since the day you arrived in Middleton. But Kim insists you are helping Monique out during a family crisis – which I will accept although I don't understand your actions. And–"

"I'm actually a sweetheart," Shego assured her, "always there for others."

"There is no reason for sarcasm. Kim also suspects that the Middleton police would be unable to arrest you, or hold you if they were able to arrest you – which is the other reason I've refrained from alerting the authorities. But I will repeat my question, how long are you planning to stay in Middleton?"

"Hard to say. Another month, maybe. I'm surprised I'm here now. I figured I'd be in town a week, maybe two – tops. Just a short break for me. Then Monique's mom decided that since there was someone here helping Monique she'd stay on and help her sister through rehab. Monique was desperate, said she'd do anything if I helped with her brothers. And, I mean, how could I turn down someone in need? Like I said, I'm a sweetheart."

"Sure," was Anne Possible's dry retort. "How much did you threaten Monique?"

"To know me is to love me," Shego grinned. "And let's be clear on one point, there has never been any kind of threat to Monique while I've been in Middleton, no threat of any kind. She has been completely safe from me. Period."

Anne noticed that the promise there had been no threat to Monique was limited to while Shego was in Middleton. It allowed for the chance there had been a threat at another time or place, but if Anne asked about that Shego would probably claim it fell under the category of Monique-Shego relationship that Anne had no business asking about.

"Monique's mother will be coming back in a few weeks?"

"Looks that way. And at that point I split. While she appreciates how I'm helping out at their place, I suspect she doesn't really want a super villain camping out there. Any chance I could move into the guest room here?"

"I hope that was meant to be a rhetorical question. Now, about the relationship between you and my daughter–"

"Mom!" protested Kim, "Shego and I are not in a relationship."

"Oh, but we are," Shego chimed in. "Any two people in the world have a relationship, even if it is the relationship of being total strangers to each other. Your mom and I are in a relationship. Relationships are not always symmetrical. See, I'm on my very best behavior, but your mother's relationship to me..." Shego turned to Anne Possible, "What's the best adjective here? Hostile? Adversarial? Antagonistic?"

"That this is your best behavior says a great deal about you. I will call it mutually adversarial. And don't change the subject. Your relationship with my daughter?"

"When? I mean, we've already gone over the fact it has changed over the years. You really want to go back to the beginning?"

"Let's start with your arrival in Middleton."

"Okay, I arrived in Middleton and my relationship with your daughter was respected enemy. I wasn't planning to hurt her, but I knew just being here would annoy her – only damage I would attempt while she had mono. Asked her out for dinner after graduation to celebrate. She told me to go gargle with hydrochloric acid and–"

"I did not tell you that!"

"I'm cleaning it up for your mom and dad. They don't want to hear what you really said."

"Mom!"

"Continue," Anne told the green woman. "My daughter told you no."

"Can you believe it? I've saved her life, and she won't even go out to dinner with me? I didn't even think I'd be in town that long, but out of the goodness of my heart–"

"Can we please skip the goodness of your heart?"

"I happen to think it is important to the story. Anyway... Oh, yeah. I mean I'd saved her life and she said 'no'. What do you have to do to get Kim to go out get treated to a nice dinner, save the world? And it turns out, yeah, that's what it takes. The world is in peril, evil threatens to overcome the forces of good and Kim Possible is sick in bed. Wade pleads for me to take up the dangerous challenge, risking my life for truth, justice, and the American way. And Kim grudgingly says I can drop money on her if I save the world first. There's no gratitude."

"There's a great deal of something in your story," Anne muttered, "and it isn't gratitude. So Kim agreed to go out to dinner with you... This was some time before graduation?"

"Yes, but it was more open-ended than just the one dinner. It was kind of she had to accept invitations from me as long as I was in Middleton. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think either one of us imagined I'd be around here this long."

"But you have been around longer than you had imagined, and admit that Drakken would like you back now. Yet you remain in Middleton and–"

"Monique needs me, remember?"

Anne paused. "Alright, you have stayed, as you say, out of the goodness of your heart – to help your friend Monique. Nevertheless, it has resulted in your spending time with Kim. Your current relationship with Kim?"

Shego shrugged, "I enjoy spending time with her. And, while it is very dangerous for me I'm starting to see her as a friend. Not sure how–"

"Dangerous?" James Possible asked.

"I don't like hitting friends, and I assume Kim and I will be slugging it out again one of these days when she's back to one hundred percent. Still, we're both dedicated to our causes and I'm sure we'll handle the relationship professionally. Maybe after we clock out after work we can get together for a drink and talk about the fight." Shego looked over at Kim, "What do you say, Cupcake? Loser buys dinner for the winner once we're back to the grind? Or is your opinion of me still that I should tie a stone around my neck and throw myself in the river?"

Kim kept her eyes on the plate in front of her, pushing a few crumbs of pie crust around with her fork.

"Kim," Anne said, "Shego asked you a question, and I'm terribly curious about the answer myself."

Kim blushed, "I... I'm not sure. We... I've had fun when we... But I don't know if I can trust her. I mean, she says she's starting to feel like a friend, but maybe she's lying."

"I'm glad you feel that way." Anne looked at Shego, "My daughter says she doesn't trust you. I hope you will take that as a reason to stop asking–"

"Ah, but I enjoy going out with her, whether she trusts me or not. And while it may be selfish I want to enjoy myself while I'm here in Middleton, and Kim did agree to accept dates for–"

"Do you have to call them dates?" protested Anne.

"Going out with a friend?"

"No, not that either. I suspect there is no way to phrase it that would make me happy."

"I did agree, Mom," Kim reminded her mother. "It's just a few more weeks."

That ended the interrogation portion of the evening. Somehow it was difficult to transition to lighter conversation and Shego announced that, while she had enjoyed the lovely dinner, she needed to leave.

"Kim, would you clear the table?"

"In a minute, Mom. I want to say something to Shego before she goes."

Once outside Shego looked at Kim and raised and eyebrow, "Going to apologize?"

"No. I'm mad."

"Your mother was just doing what–"

"I'm mad at you."

"Why?"

"For lying to my mother!"

Shego sighed, "That was the most sustained piece of truthing I've done in years. I don't think I told your mom any lies, and it put so much strain on my system I'll stop for a drink before I go back to Monique's."

"You said you hadn't threatened Monique in Middleton."

"So?"

"The bomb around her ankle."

"There was never a bomb on her ankle."

"But she said... Monique lied to me?"

"You may not remember the conversation, but Monique didn't lie to you. She told you she was a hostage, I took the phone, and said she had a bomb on her leg. She didn't want to lie to you – even for your own good."

"I was worried sick about her, and it was for my own good?"

"You have a pattern of being reckless. Monique made me promise not to hurt you while I'm here. Well, I won't start a fight. I said I'd defend myself if attacked. I was afraid you'd try to rescue her from hostage status before you were well enough to fight. The idea was to scare you enough you wouldn't do anything stupid until you were fully recovered."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Hey, it worked. Oh, and tomorrow afternoon, double date for bowling."

"Double date?"

"Couple guys and us."

"Two of Drakken's goons?"

"Hey, they're not all goons. A few have evolved into Neanderthals. But these are a couple guys from Middleton... You already know them."

"I know them?"

"Yep."

"Jocks from one of the teams?"

"I'll let you be surprised."

"'Cause some of the jocks are... Where did you–"

"Tomorrow afternoon. We'll pick you up at one-thirty. Always lanes open in the afternoon."

Kim was intensely curious, but knew she'd have to wait. One of the guys was probably Ron... No, not Ron. Both of Middleton's bowling alleys had banned Ron. Could Ron have given Shego suggestions on two guys to invite? She hoped he realized she had lost interest in Josh. More likely Shego had asked Monique for names. Monique wouldn't give Shego the names of anyone with whom Kim would be embarrassed to be seen.

* * *

"Well," demanded Shego, "could your mom object to these fine gentlemen?"

"Yea, Kim!" voted Nelson.

"You'll be with us, and Miss Green? Honest?" Steve asked.

"They've never been bowling," Shego explained as they drove to Middleton Lanes. "Their dad handed me some cash and said give them a few treats on him–"

"And we went to the movies, an' we–" interrupted Nelson from the back.

"No need to give her the full list. Today is bowling. And I'm warning the Princess here that she and I will probably need to spend some time giving you two lessons before you can really bowl. I'm hoping we can get adjacent lanes and you and your brother will take one and Kim and I will take the other."

Nelson wanted to know, "What's a lane?"

"Want to take that one, Cupcake?"

"It'll be a lot easier to show you once we get there," Kim explained. "And scoring may seem a little confusing to you your first time out, so I'll keep score for you."

Shego got a sense that Kim was unhappy about something as they rode to the bowling alley. She hoped she was wrong. The feeling persisted as they gave Monique's brothers a lesson in bowling. When they moved over to the next lane for their own game she was able to whisper, "What's wrong Princess? You seem pissed off. Steve and Nelson that much of a disappointment? Expecting a couple hunks?"

"No... I'm mad that you lied to me."

"Oh, which time? I really feel like I'm being pretty good with the truth."

"Telling me Monique had a bomb on her leg! Do you know how worried I was?"

"Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

"It's not ridiculous. I was scared it would go off. That night you took me out to dinner? When you headed to Upperton I was afraid she... And she was never in any danger!"

"Let me try and get this straight," Shego demanded. "You're angry because Monique was never in danger, so you feel you wasted worry on her? You'd feel better if I had really strapped a bomb on her leg, so you being frightened wouldn't be wasted?"

"That's not what I mean!"

"Good, 'cause wanting me to strap a bomb on–"

"You know what I mean!"

"Probably, and I can see you feel it was a mean trick to play on you. Try to picture it this way, I didn't put her in any harm, and I really felt like the threat was what you needed to keep you from trying some stupid rescue before you were healthy."

"I'm going to try and concentrate on Monique not being in danger, but you still got me worried over nothing."

"Would it make you feel better if I strapped a bomb on her leg now?"

Kim closed her eyes and counted to ten. "I've got a better idea, how about we bowl?"

"Good idea. And what a coincidence! We're in a bowling alley!"

"I was going to suggest roller skating, but think the management would object. Ron's been banned."

"For roller skating?"

"There are things worse than roller skating in a bowling alley. You don't want to know."

"I believe you. Let's bowl."

Nelson considered it a success if he kept the ball out of the gutter. Steve had more problems with learning delivery, stepping over the foul line several times, but was proud he managed a few strikes and spares.

With the air somewhat cleared between them, Kim and Shego focused on bowling. Neither was a good bowler. They two were evenly matched on a level that serious bowlers would have considered lower mediocre. Not that it mattered. Neither had any dreams of bowling a three hundred game. Their shared goal was simply to beat the other, and their competitive spirits kicked in.

Nelson and Steve managed three games before giving up to work on a pitcher of root beer. Kim and Shego finished four games in the time the younger boys needed for three, and each had won two.

"Good place to stop," Shego commented. "We're even."

"One more game, please?" Kim begged. "I want to beat you."

"Ask Steve and Nelson, if they're willing to watch I'm willing to beat you."

"Ha! In your dreams... This is way better than chess."

"And you were too sick when I got to town to bowl."

"Well I'm fine now."

At the end of three frames Shego was ahead by four pins. "Place a little wager on the outcome?"

"The game's early. I can win!"

"I know. I just thought a little side bet might make it interesting."

"What kind of a bet?"

Shego dropped her voice slightly so the brothers wouldn't hear. "I was thinking, if I win, you have to kiss me."

"And if I win?"

"I have to kiss you."

"You never give up, do you?"

"My dad always told me persistence is a virtue."

"I believe that only applies if your goal is something good."

"Don't put yourself down like that."

"Put myself down?"

"Yeah, my goal is great. It happens to be you. But if you're chicken, how about loser buys coffee and biscotti tonight?"

"You're on."

It appeared Shego would cruise to an easy victory, until a seven-ten split in the eighth gave Kim a chance to gain ground, and Kim's strike in the ninth was followed by another strike with her first ball in the tenth. Even though the second ball only knocked down four pins it still gave Kim two hundred and one; a victory over Shego and the first time she had broken two hundred.

"So, when do I pick you up for coffee?" Shego asked as they left Middleton Lanes.

"I'll pick you at eight-thirty. I'm paying!"

"You won."

"I'm celebrating breaking two hundred!"

* * *

Shego raised an eyebrow at the sight of Ron in the back seat of Kim's car when she went outside.

"I asked Ron too," Kim explained, stating the obvious. "It's safer."

"Safer?"

"We might run into Bonnie or someone who's heard the rumor, which sounds like most of Middleton."

"Hey, Stoppable, did you hear that Kim is having sex with me?"

"I heard."

"And you thought?"

"Dumb lie."

The green woman shrugged, "You're a whole lot smarter than you look."

"Thanks, I... Hey!"

"Focus on the smart part," suggested Shego.

It was much safer to have Ron along, in Kim's opinion. The reason she admitted to herself was that being seen with just Shego would keep the rumor alive. There were reasons she was less willing to admit. She was starting to enjoy her time with the older woman, but worried that Shego was just pretending to like her, to make defeating Kim easier the next time they fought. _"I don't like Shego,"_ Kim reminded herself every time she thought about how much fun she had when she was out with the thief. She could also remind herself, _"Shego is only around Middleton for a few more weeks."_ It was a reminder supposed to put her mind at rest, but it caused more of a feeling of regret.

And while the purpose of inviting Ron along was to stop the rumor about Kim and Shego having sex, it meant that Kim had to sit close to Shego when the three shared a couch at the coffee shop. Kim found the feel of Shego, pressed against her as they sat side-by-side, uncomfortably pleasant.


	10. Moons and Junes and Ferris Wheels

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

The alternate chapter title was the 1916 song There's a Little Bit of Bad in Every Good Little Girl. Joni Mitchell wrote Both Sides Now in 1968, Judy Collins released her recording of the song prior to Joni Mitchell.

 _Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels_  
 _The dizzy dancing way you feel_  
 _As every fairy tale comes real_

 **Moons and Junes and Ferris Wheels**

The hand clapped across Shego's mouth kept her from calling out even as it startled her into consciousness.

"Jesus Christ, Pumpkin," she swore when the hand was removed. "Visiting hours are over... Ah, not that I have anything against you being in my bedroom at, whatever time in hell this is, but I'd much preferred if you just rolled over in bed, nudged me and suggested we have sex again."

"I was afraid you'd scream and wake Steve and Nelson," whispered Kim, "so I put my hand over your mouth and–"

"I get the picture, and I don't scream when awakened."

"How would I know that? I never woke you up before. And you sneak into my bedroom all the time."

"But I don't put a hand over your mouth."

"You don't need to wake me up, I hear you come in. You were in here sleeping like a log."

"Well, that's 'cause I made the mistake of trusting you to not attack me in my sleep. So, what's up that it couldn't wait? Want to crawl into bed with me and tell me the whole story?"

"No thanks, I think I'll just stand here. Remember next Saturday?"

"A week from this Saturday? It's awfully hard to remember something that hasn't happened yet. Remember the first time you kissed me and told me you loved me?"

"You're impossible. And you know what I mean."

"You're Kim Possible, and I believe your instructions to me were that I was not to call you that Saturday under penalty of death, excommunication, or being exiled forever on a desert island – your choice."

"That's a paraphrase, but close enough."

"And you woke me up to say the curses are still in effect?"

"I woke you up to tell you I've changed my mind. Don't make any plans for next Saturday – we're going to a concert."

"A concert? You didn't tell me you'd be at a concert."

"And risk you showing up and messing it up for me?"

"You think I'd do that?"

"It isn't _a_ concert, it's _the_ concert. I bought tickets months ago – seven seconds after they went on sale. Computer was slow or I'd have had them faster. And I was scared if you knew, you... Well, now I trust you won't mess it up. When I warned you not to ask me out, or call me I was afraid you might."

"So, after hurting my feelings by not wanting to be seen with me, now you want to kiss and make up?"

"I don't want to kiss and make up. I'm just saying I know I can have fun with you... And I couldn't get anyone else to go with me."

"There you go, hurting my feelings again. No Stoppable?"

"Long story, okay? You in or not?"

"How could I possibly say no to a pretty stalker who breaks into my room in the middle of the night to ask me to a concert? Can I ask what kind of a concert? Is this, like, fancy dress for the symphony or a grunge look for some punk group with safety pins in their cheeks?"

"Indie. Concert is outdoors. Club Banana or Eddie Bauer would be preferred, wait until you get the weather forecast the night before to choose the exact outfit."

"Okay, one final question."

"Yes?"

"Why did you wake me up in the middle of the night for this?"

"Needed to ask you as soon as possible, so you wouldn't make other plans... And if I didn't ask right away maybe I'd chicken out and not ask at all."

* * *

"You seem terribly happy," Monique commented at breakfast.

"Yeah, Kim asked me to go to a concert with her – a week from Saturday."

"Wait, Kim asked you to go with the concert with her?"

"Can we come to?" Nelson wanted to know.

"It's the day after you two leave for Mississippi, remember?" their big sister reminded them. She looked back at Shego, "Seriously?"

"Virtually a command performance."

"She asked me to go with her at one point."

"Is everyone trying to depress me? I must have been, like, number seven hundred and twelve on the list or something."

"No the concert means a lot to her, she'd only ask a good friend."

Shego smiled at the comment. "And you bailed on her? What kind of a friend are you? Or is the group she likes that bad?"

Monique shrugged, "We all have our own tastes in music. Kim would move mountains to hear this performer. She's okay. But, as you know, I'm insanely worried about saving money for college and would rather work than spend all day in the sun for a singer who's good – but not anyone I'd move a mountain for. So I figured Kim would find some other fanatic to enjoy the concert with. If you don't know anything about the concert why are you... Never mind." Shego wasn't going to the concert for the music, Monique realized, she was going to be with Kim.

Once at work Monique texted Kim, 'Will call on break.'

"What's up," Kim answered cheerfully when Monique called a couple hours later.

"You sound happy."

"Shouldn't I?"

"No... It's just Shego was really happy at breakfast. Said you asked her to the concert."

"Okay..." Kim answered slowly. "You, uh, needed to call me to say Shego sounded happy?"

"No, I'm your friend... I'll even call myself her friend. You... Okay... I don't know if it's true, but she told me you know she'd like to have sex with you."

"Yes, she told me that. I've told her no way. I'm pretty sure my mom can tell what Shego wants."

"She really told you she wants sex with you? I thought maybe she was lying when she said she told you."

"She claims she's being honest with me. I mean, she wouldn't lie about that – would she? She wouldn't say she wanted to sleep with me if she didn't, right?"

"And you still asked her to go to the concert with you?"

"Mon, you're my BFF, but I can't figure out what you're talking about."

"She's fought you for years. She's trying to get you into bed with her, and you're this casual about it? You even asked her to the concert you're desperate to see? Kim, if a white rabbit wearing an Edwardian frock coat walked into Club Banana and pulled a gold watch from his vest and shouted, 'I'm late' it wouldn't be this weird. She wants sex with you, and you're inviting her to go out with you?"

"She twisted my arm to make me go out on dates with her. Why not ask her to go to the concert? It's something I really want to go to."

"This is Shego!"

"I have fun with her. I have a lot of fun with her. If she were a guy I'd... It doesn't matter. She's a she. And I've told her I'm not going to have sex with her. Period. She knows that and–"

"She's falling for you."

"No she's not! She's just being nice to me 'cause she wants me in bed. I like being with her. But she doesn't really like me."

"I hear her when she's not around you! She likes you, and asking her to the concert... I talked with her, she's walking on air."

"It was all show. You're the one who reminded me she's Shego."

After the call Monique closed her eyes and sighed. Kim and Shego were on a collision course. One or both was going to end up hurt. It was obvious to her even if the two of them were in denial. Should she try and find a way stop the crash before it happened, or would that simply cause problems for her? Would it be better to just let the crash happen and try to help the survivors pick up the pieces?

* * *

Shego called Kim that evening, "Remember those two cute guys we went bowling with?"

"Yes."

"They want to go to something called Lemur Days in Lowerton tomorrow. You up for another double date?"

Kim briefly considered refusing. Lowerton Lemur Days were a celebration of Lowerton school sports teams with a variety of amusements for younger children. It held no appeal for a Middleton high school graduate. On the other hand, it appealed to boys the age of Monique's little brothers. It wouldn't be fair to strand Shego in Lowerton. She really was helping Monique. "Sure. Steve and Nelson will love it."

"Do I detect a lack of enthusiasm in your voice? I could take a shower before we go if that'll help."

"It isn't you. It's like I said, the boys will love it. You and I will endure it."

"And you're still willing to come with us?"

"I'm there for moral support. You need it."

"And if you need any immoral support, I'm there for you."

"Sounds like, between the two of us, we're ready for anything."

"Well, I'm ready for anything. You keep telling me 'no'."

"I told you, I'm there with _moral_ support."

"My own Jiminy Cricket to serve as my conscience?"

"Exactly. A dirty job, but someone has to do it."

* * *

Shego drove Monique's mother's car to the Possible home. "You're both in the back seat when we drive to Lowerton," she warned Steve and Nelson.

"Do we really have to text you every twenty minutes to say we're okay," complained Steve.

"I'm cutting you slack," she shot back, "Monique wanted you to check in every fifteen. And, while I think it very unlikely you'll get in trouble, remember you are chipped so I can find you."

Lemur Days were held at the Lowerton fairgrounds. The parking situation was as chaotic as Shego had feared, and the reason she had driven Monique's family car.

Baseball diamonds at the fairgrounds were hosting a tournament, with soccer and football exhibitions held on other fields. A small traveling carnival was set up for Lemur Days. There were booths for games, and a few small rides that could be taken down and loaded onto trucks when it was time to move on to a new town. On the fair's bandstand local entertainers performed one hour sets. Listening to Drakken on his karaoke nights was less painful.

"Okay, more spending money from your dad," Shego told the brothers and gave each of them four, five dollar bills. "Put it in different pockets so you can't lose it all at once. Don't spend it all cotton candy. It's not my car, but your sister and mom don't want you yorking in the back seat. Any problem, repeat, any problem and you call me. Stay together, and send me that text you're safe every twenty minutes."

"We promise," Steve told her, feeling very proud and independent that Shego was letting them go free range.

Shego looked at Nelson. "Me too," he promised.

The two quickly hurried off.

"If you don't mind, Princess," requested Shego, "I'd like to spy on the boys for fifteen to twenty minutes to make sure they're behaving themselves. There're kids running loose all over, and too many witnesses around for anyone to try and grab them, but boys will be boys. I want to make sure they're acting safe."

"They're good kids. You really like them, don't you?"

"Me? Like them? No way. I just don't want to piss off Monique. Never make the woman who cooks breakfast for you mad at you."

"Monique makes you breakfast?"

"We kind of split the duty. Sometimes Steve puts out cold cereal and milk. He wants to use the stove and try making omelettes, but if you let him use the stove you have to let Nelson use the stove. If you check the dictionary that's the definition of bad idea."

The brothers did a slow trip through the midway, then headed for the ball diamonds to watch the tournament.

"I'm tempted to join them," Kim commented.

"Maybe later. Did you see the game where you throw darts to break balloons?"

"You're on! Assuming that was a challenge."

"Everything is a challenge between us. That's why I'm so looking forward to getting you in bed."

"Let's stick with the darts and take the bed out of the conversation."

"Stick with darts? Good one, Princess. Or was that happy accident? Luck is the only way you'll beat me."

"Hey, I beat you at bowling the other day."

The green woman shrugged, "Like I said, luck."

A half hour later Shego admitted, "This was a mistake. Now we got to lug this junk around with us for the rest of the day."

"Let's go put them in the car."

"And I really think Steve and Nelson have no interest in this... Can you imagine any self-respecting boy older than than five carrying around a stuffed unicorn?"

"If they're not interested I bet Hana would like most of this."

"Good thinking."

They hiked out to the parking lot to deposit their winnings in the trunk. As they returned to the midway Shego pointed out, "Willing to admit I beat you?"

"Remember how you accused me to needing luck to win at bowling?"

"Are you suggesting I beat you by luck?"

"The thought did enter my mind."

"And for thinking that thought, instead of admitting you lost fair and square, you pay a forfeit."

Kim's eyes narrowed, "What's the forfeit? You're not going to demand a kiss, are you?"

"Heaven forbid. Rules are you have to want to kiss me. No, I'm suggesting a true test of nerve, something vastly more frightening than half of Drakken's lame death traps. I'm suggesting a horror that would blast the soul of any thinking man and cause him to run, screaming in terror."

"Are you sure that isn't asking me to kiss you?"

"You're getting a smart mouth, Possible."

"Probably from hanging around with you."

Shego laughed, "You get a point for that. No, we're going to ride the Ferris wheel."

"The Ferris wheel? That dinky thing?"

"Exactly. Think about it. This is no big, well built wheel. This is a something they tear down and put up somewhere new two or three times a week. Think about how things are wearing out from all that construction and tearing apart. Think of a thousand bolts and the chances they may have missed one through some drunken worker not paying attention. I bet if there wasn't so much noise from the crowd we'd probably hear the squeal of metal on metal as it tries to tear itself apart."

They climbed into their gondola, and the carny locked the safety bar into place. The wheel jerked as the operator set it in brief motion to bring another gondola into position for two other passengers and Kim squealed with laughter.

"Okay, it's as scary as you say," the redhead confessed.

"Told you so. Hey, isn't the top of a Ferris wheel one of the classic places to kiss your date?"

"If we're talking theoretically, yes it is. I think it only applies to real Ferris wheels and not this erector set thing."

"So, where's the closest real Ferris wheel? Theoretically asking. Oh, and ever been kissed on one?"

"No. You?"

"No, kissed a guy on an elevator once... Not as classic as a Ferris wheel. That was actually the first person I kissed, I mean really kissed. Relatives don't count."

"Sounds way better than my first kiss."

"Mine was pretty bad."

"Mine was worse. What's so bad about kissing on an elevator? Like you said, it's kind of classic."

"Trust me, Pumpkin, most first kisses are bad – but this was a disaster. I doubt you can top mine for epic fail."

"Tell me yours first. You and some... guy or girl?"

"Guy. This was middle school. Didn't kiss a girl until high school. It's sort of the same, only different. Anyway, we were on a class field trip in middle school, and must have been more than a dozen of us jammed into this elevator, and I realized I was standing by this guy I thought was cute, and he never even noticed me, so I kissed him."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"The classic elevator kiss is just the two of you. Maybe the elevator stops at some floor to pick up a passenger and you get spotted as the door opens, but it's supposed to be the two of you – not a herd of kids packed in like sardines. And one of the chaperones – somebody's mother – saw it. And he got in trouble! I kissed him, and he got in trouble. He avoided me like the plague after that. Go ahead, top that for worse first kiss."

"Okay, it was middle school for me too. First date. His name was Walter Nelson, and we kissed at the end and our braces locked! Can you–"

Shego stared in disbelief, "Stop! You're asking me to– Okay, you were swapping spit at the end of your first date?"

"Swapping spit?"

"There is no way in hell you could lock braces unless you had your mouths open and your tongue was in his mouth."

"His tongue was in mine!"

"And that makes a difference?"

"I didn't know how to kiss! He just... And I–"

"And you had to be pretty enthusiastic about it to lock braces. And on the first date? There's a term for girls like you."

Kim flushed, "I'm not a slut!"

"Oh, that's your term for a girl who French kisses on the first date? I was going to say she sounds like a lot of fun. How come I haven't gotten my tongue in your mouth yet?"

"Look, I didn't know how to kiss! His tongue was there, and I thought that was how you did it, and he started... And then our braces got tangled up."

"Okay, your story is going to be he took advantage of your innocence. I'm not saying whether I believe you. What was this guy, like thirty-nine or something?"

"He was a year older! He just had more experience or something."

"Not with kissing a girl with braces. Hey, when I kissed the guy on the elevator I was a good girl and kept my lips closed."

"I'm not a slut! And this was worst day of my life! I mean, that was just the start!"

"That was just the start?"

"We couldn't get unstuck. We had to be taken to the orthodontist. Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk with braces locked?"

"Thankfully, no."

"My mouth hurt for a week!"

"And you learned a valuable lesson, never French kiss a guy on the first date if he wants to take advantage of you– unless, of course, he's not wearing braces."

"I'm not like that!" Kim retorted angrily. She turned away from Shego and stared out at the Lowerton fairgrounds until the ride was over. She remained silent even after the ride.

Shego decided it would be wise to drop the subject for the time being. They shared a funnel cake and headed to the ball diamond to watch a Middleton team play a Lowerton team.

At the end of the game they found Shego's charges. "Time to head home."

"Can we stay, please," begged Steve, "there're going to be fireworks."

"You'll have fireworks for the Fourth while you're with your Dad."

"We could have them today, and the Fourth," argued Nelson.

"Or, if we leave now, you can have pizza at JP Bearymore's," Shego countered.

The brothers voted for pizza.

* * *

"They weren't as hungry as I thought," Shego commented as she looked at the pizza remaining from the two pies. "Or they just wanted to play those games." The brothers were now spending their remaining money on arcade games, while the animatronic band played on the stage.

Kim, sitting across from her in the booth, reminded her "We didn't ask how much cotton candy they ate, or corn dogs, or funnel cakes."

"True enough. I'm going to ask for a take-home box when we leave."

The two women stared at the boys for a minute, and Kim offered a confession. "I have fun with you."

"The feeling is mutual. I think I could just sit here with you in this booth forever... Or at least until I need to run into the bathroom and pee."

"Want to hear more about the concert?"

"Nay, why kill the surprise? I think I'll just wait and be blown away by how wonderful this performer you have to hear is."

"She's great! You'll love her music... You know, under that tough girl exterior, you're really sweet."

Shego raised an eyebrow and looked across the table, "You know, under your nice girl exterior you're pretty wild. Swapping spit in middle school? If you ever feel a relapse coming on, give me a call."

"You're doing it again."

"Saying you're attractive and desirable? Confessing that making love to you sounds wonderful? I plead guilty as charged."

"No, teasing me about something I don't want to be teased about. I'm sorry I told you... I don't like to talk about that, and..."

"I'll try and drop it. It was just so... I'll do my best. You trusted me with a secret. I should be flattered."

"Thanks." Kim felt confused about why Shego's opinion of her seemed so important. She didn't want Shego to think she was easy... Was it because she was afraid Shego might think she had more of a chance with Kim? Was it because she feared it would hurt the green woman's opinion of her? She couldn't believe she had opened up so much she had shared that story of the kiss.


	11. A Heart that Does Not Know Its Mind

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

gerbilHunter put the closing scene of this chapter into my head. If you make interesting suggestions in reviews you have only yourself to blame if they appear in a chapter. A phrase from Vercingetorix appears, seconded by Thomas Linquist. (Apologies to those who make interesting suggestions that don't appear in this chapter... Actually, I'm pretty sure that several ideas from Thomas Linquist appear in other stories. But more often TL correctly predicts where I'm going planning to go before I post a chapter.)

I started this story without a clear ending in my head. There were several ways it could have gone. One of them had Kim with more of a feisty response to Shego's announced seduction plan. That was the idea which gave rise to the title, Hit Me with Your Best Shot. "Go ahead, you think you can make me love you? Do your worst, hit me with your best shot. I'm not going down easily." Doesn't seem to be working out that way. Meanwhile, this chapter title comes from Gilbert and Sullivan's Ruddigore:

 _In sailing o'er life's ocean wide_  
 _No doubt the heart should be your guide;_  
 _But it is awkward when you find_  
 _A heart, a heart that does not know its mind,_

 **A Heart that Does Not Know Its Mind  
**

Monique tossed about in bed, unable to sleep. Why should she care if Shego ended up hurt when her pursuit of Kim failed? It wasn't Monique's fault if Shego made a fool out of herself, was it? Okay, there was the pragmatic angle. Shego was a super-powered criminal, and while she had been on her best behavior for the last couple months it wasn't clear how she would respond to rejection. Would she sink into a deep depression? Would she simply slink back to Drakken and sulk? Would she go ballistic and burn down half of Middleton? She had behaved like a friend while staying with Monique, but it was a little like playing the Stock Market. How a stock had behaved for the last several months didn't predict what it might do tomorrow. There was an additional factor to the confusion. Monique also felt a deep sense of gratitude to Shego. Shego watching her brothers had kept Monique on track for her college funding, it had helped her mom care for her sister, and the thief's talk with her father had even helped get her mom and dad talking again. Monique realized she owed Shego. She owed Shego big time.

And perhaps getting Shego out of Middleton as fast as possible, before she could be hurt worse, was the best way to repay her debt of gratitude to Shego.

Was there any chance Kim was developing feelings for Shego? Kim had originally been pressured into dating Shego. Now the redhead was inviting Shego out; inviting her to things Kim considered important and confessing she enjoyed the green woman's company. That was not normal Kim behavior. What did it mean?

The phone call from Kim didn't relieve Monique's anxiety.

"Kim?"

"Monique... Um... Did Shego say anything to you about kissing on the Ferris wheel?"

"You kissed Shego on the Ferris wheel yesterday?"

"No! Of course not!"

"You're asking if she said the two of you did?"

"No, we talked about kissing on the Ferris wheel."

"You planned to get on the Ferris wheel and kiss?"

"Of course not. You're not paying attention."

"GF, I am not the problem in this conversation. That's what you said, you said you talked with Shego about kissing on the wheel."

"Yes, but... Oh, okay. What I meant was Shego and I were on the Ferris wheel and talked about kissing– Not kissing each other! We didn't talk about kissing each other! We talked about people we've kissed before. Guys! Guys we've kissed."

"Kim, I need to get to work. What are you talkin' 'bout?"

"Okay, I'm just asking if Shego told you... And apparently she didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't tell you the story of something I did."

"What did you do?"

"Just something dumb... It was years ago. I didn't want... Never mind."

"Wait, so you opened up with Shego and were talking about some story that I don't know about, and now you're wanting to know if she blabbed to me? You trusted her with some embarrassing story that you couldn't tell your BFF?"

With perfect logic Kim pointed out, "You and I have never talked about kissing on a Ferris Wheel."

* * *

Her self-defense classes over at the Y, Shego took a shower and stopped by to see the director before she collected Steve and Nelson. "Looks like I've got about a month left before I leave Middleton."

"I'm sorry you're leaving. All the women you've worked with have raved about how wonderful you are. I hope they're telling you that too, and not just me."

Shego grinned, "They tell me. It's nice to hear." It was very nice to be told she was doing a good job. Her private students were even more effusive in their praise, but they might have been doing that to justify the high price they were being charged. If you thought you were getting a great teacher you didn't mind paying for a great teacher. Praising Shego was a way of saying, 'I didn't make a mistake taking these lessons.'

Drakken paid few compliments. If you did your job well, he simply credited it to the fact you were doing your job. When Kim started showing up, and kept Shego from doing her job the green woman had been enraged at first when Drakken blamed her for his plans failing. Shego had learned that Drakken's plans usually failed not because of any failure on Shego's part. Drakken's plans failed not because of any success on the part of Kim. Drakken's plans failed because Drakken hadn't thought things through well in the first place.

Shego was done with being blamed for Drakken's shortcomings, but her years with him had limited the options available to her.

* * *

Steve and Nelson were watching wrestling on television as Shego went into her room. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If she remembered any prayers she would have said one. Was there any chance this could work? Was it really what she wanted? It was a dive into the unknown, and could fail utterly. Would she be any worse off if she failed? The answer to the last question was no. She dialed Wade's number.

"Shego?"

"Yep. You sound surprised."

"You don't call me, I call you – remember?"

"I was just thinking, I've been awfully hard on you, and I want to offer you a favor."

"How good is the speaker on your phone? Can you hear the disbelief in my voice?"

"Don't be a cynic. I'm offering to do any job you want. Any. I don't care how hard."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what do you want in return? As you may have noticed we aren't friends, our relationship is strictly quid pro quo."

"Could you fast remind me what that means?"

"Latin phrase. Roughly translated it means you wash my back, I'll wash yours. I don't call you unless I need a favor – and you charge me. You don't call me unless you need a favor, and I charge you. I'm asking what you want, and it better not be more stuff you can use to blackmail Kim."

"I never used blackmail on Kim! That was... I think it was extortion. And I feel guilty as Hell and want to do you a favor to soothe my guilty conscience."

"You feel guilty? I guess that makes sense."

"You're being sarcastic again. But as long as you brought up how you can thank me, I have a tiny little favor to ask, really nothing for a man with your talents."

"If it's really nothing, why don't you ask Drakken to do it for you?"

"Three reasons, I'll give you two. First–"

"You'll give me two of the three?"

"A girl has to keep some secrets. Now, first, he would probably fuck it up – and you can do things right. Second, I'm considering life post-Drakken. Maybe try and go legit."

"Who is this really, and how did you get ahold of Shego's phone?"

"It's really me. And I got tired of spinning my wheels working for Drakken. There are enough warrants out for my arrest that my options are limited. So I'm thinking maybe Shego disappears. You could create an identity for Paris Green. You know, the works – school, former places of residence, jobs held... Companies that have gone out of business or where my supervisor died so the new company can't call the old one up and ask for references."

"All of which is illegal."

"So is your hacking. Deal? Any job you want, no sarcasm."

"And you're going to go straight?"

"I'm going to try. I'm starting to like having a place to come home to at the end of the day that Princess and Doofus aren't going to blow up."

"Let me think about it," he countered. "Having you do three big jobs for me would–"

"Three? I said..." Shego sighed, "Yeah, I said three. You'll do it?"

"I told you, I need to think about it. It might not really be so hard. You know, the best way to create a new identity would be to pick up an abandoned identity – find out the details on someone who disappeared and take over that person's life. I heard of a seventeen year old from Chicago who disappeared around six or seven years ago. She'd be just about your age. Large family, four brothers. Parents were killed when–"

"You son of a bitch. How long have you known?"

"Oh, just a piece of information I filed away a couple years ago. I thought it might come in handy some day. I can give you her identity. Bingo, you've got your own Social Security number, residential history, and everything else you had when you left your brothers. What do you want for job experience and life since then? I mean, you don't want Drakken mentioned on your work résumé."

"Let me think."

"Oh, and want your old name back, or stick with Paris Green?"

"How about at eighteen I petitioned the courts and had my name legally changed?"

"From your original name to Paris Green? I can work with that. But I'm curious what brought this on?"

"I told you, I want options for my future. Drakken doesn't hack it for me any more. You really didn't tell anyone? Why didn't you... Hoping to use it against me at some point?"

Wade hesitated, "Yeah. Hadn't found a way to use it yet."

"And you didn't even tell Kim?"

"She might have let it slip. I needed to keep it secret until I found a way to use it. She called a few weeks ago and asked where you went to college."

"She did? Did you tell her?"

"No. What difference would it have made?"

Shego hesitated, "Maybe none. But, like I said, a girl wants to keep her secrets." She chuckled, "I like you. You're a SOB, but you're my kind of SOB. You plan ahead, and you keep your mouth shut. Keep me updated on my new identity?"

"Remember, I didn't say I'd do it. I didn't say no. I told you to let me think about it. But getting you straight would be worth–"

"Who said anything about straight?"

"You said you'd go straight!"

"I said I'd be legal. Never mind. Stupid little inside joke."

* * *

Kim was awakened by a hand over her mouth. When Shego released her Kim responded, "I thought you weren't going to touch me."

"That was unless you touch me first, remember? So when you woke me up in my bedroom it meant I could wake you up the same way."

"I... Okay, I should have remembered the rules... You just did this to see if you could catch me asleep, didn't you?"

"Of course not, I'm not trying to prove I can be as sneaky as you. I'd never be that competitive. I had a vital question to ask at two a.m., one so important it couldn't possibly wait until morning."

"Important, huh? So, wassup?"

"Our boyfriends would like to go bowling one more time before they head south for family. Since you beat me once at bowling, and I beat you at dart toss I thought–" '

"You're on," agreed Kim. "And loser... Whoever loses pays for the movie Friday night."

"Deal."

"I thought you said you weren't that competitive?" Kim started to ask, but Shego was out before the question was finished.

Thursday morning Kim called Shego, "I'm coming down with a cold. I don't know if I should go bowling or not. I might be contagious. What if I get excited and kiss you or something? I wouldn't want to infect you."

"Three word answer, Cupcake. So worth it. Practicing your excuse for when you lose?"

"No, I really have a cold."

"Okay. Take it easy. I think I can manage the boys without you."

Kim sighed, "I'd hate to disappoint them. And I can beat you bowling. It's just a little cold. But separate boxes of popcorn tomorrow night at the movie theater. I don't want to risk infecting you."

"Yeah, if you're going to give it to me, I'd much prefer you spread it by kissing me."

Kim brought a box of tissues with her to the bowling alley. "Should I turn in the ball when I turn in the shoes so they can disinfect that too?"

"Probably a good idea," agreed Shego. "Wouldn't want the Possible plague sweeping through the bowlers of Middleton." She looked with mild disgust at the footwear, "Here's an idea for some venture capitalist. Sexy bowling shoes."

"I happen to like these ugly ones. They keep you from hitting on me while we're bowling."

"My dear Princess, it will take something more than ugly shoes to keep me from hitting on you. I never had a foot fetish anyway." Shego glanced over to make sure Steve and Nelson were too busy putting on their own shoes to pay attention. "I stare at your ass," she admitted in a whisper, "and you look amazing as you throw the ball."

Kim blamed the cold for doing worse than she had in her prior outing at the bowling alley. Kim blamed Shego's comment for distracting her and causing her to bowl worse. Shego had no excuse for the fact she was bowling worse also.

The fact each did worse than their last time bowling, while trying harder, created the frustration that was probably the biggest handicap for both of them. Nevertheless, Kim appeared headed for a narrow victory. If she could knock over a single pin on a 6-7-10 split she would win. The ball slipped into the gutter, leaving the competition tied for the day.

"Did you throw a gutter ball on purpose?" Shego demanded. "I don't need charity."

"You think I'd give you charity?" Kim retorted, and blew her nose again. "But isn't it nice for the two of us to tie rather than one of us having to beat the other?"

"Well... Yeah. I still think you... Okay, you didn't lose on purpose. You tied on purpose. I can live with... So who pays for the movie tomorrow?"

"We'll flip a coin when we get to the theater. Tomorrow's winner pays for the movie after that."

* * *

Shego looked at her phone at breakfast. "Text from Kim." The green woman read the message. "I was afraid of that. She wants to skip the movies tonight. Says she still has her cold and needs to rest to make sure she's fine for the concert tomorrow."

"I don't remember you and Kim planning to go to the movies," Monique commented.

"Sorry, must have slipped my mind. It came up a day or two ago. Kim suggested the movies. She said we'd flip a coin for who paid tonight, and winner would pay for the next one."

"That was Kim's suggestion?"

"Yeah, it seems fair to me. Why?"

"Oh... Nothing. Just curious." Except it wasn't nothing. Kim was suggesting movie dates with Shego, making plans to spend time with the thief instead of being pressured to accept dates. In Monique's mind this was not Kim's normal behavior. What was going on in Kim's head?

Monique felt certain that Kim was not teasing Shego, playing with the older woman's emotions. That was totally un-Kim. Could Kim be starting to see Shego in a romantic... That didn't seem possible either. The most logical scenario was that Kim was starting to accept Shego as a friend. That made sense. Under Shego's cynical exterior was a person it was easy to like. It had taken Monique a month of living with Shego to realize that. Kim must have realized the same thing. _"What Kim doesn't realize,"_ Monique reminded herself, _"is that Shego is getting major crush on her."_ Kim wouldn't play with Shego's emotions on purpose, but could mess up Shego just as badly by not realizing the older woman's feelings. Perhaps a call to Kim would be a good idea.

Kim's voice was slightly raspy as she answered the phone, "Hey, Mon, what's–" A fit of coughing kept her from finishing the question.

"Shego got a text saying you're sick. You feel as bad as you sound?"

"No. Tiny little cold. I'll be fine tomorrow."

"You don't sound fine."

"I'll be fine tomorrow for the concert. Taking it easy."

"Uh, great. Get well. Look, maybe it's none of my business. Shego said you asked her out for the movies tonight?"

"The text said we couldn't go."

"I know, that was what the text said. It was just that, well, you asking her out was kind of weird. The concert, you really want someone to go with... Okay, maybe I could understand... But just asking her out on movie dates?"

Kim coughed before answering, "She's a lot of fun. If she were a guy, I'd be in real trouble."

"Trouble?"

"I'd fall for him in a minute."

"But she's not a guy."

"I know." *Cough* "And that's all that keeps me safe."

"So, no interest in her, romantically, at all?"

"Monique! How can you even ask! Of course not!"

"Just that you asking her out and talking about kissing on the Ferris wheel was–"

"You misunderstood that."

"Okay, sorry to bother you. Hey, plenty of rest and lots of fluids."

"Thanks."

The call partially eased Monique's mind. Surely Kim would have told her if there were any kind of romantic feelings for Shego. So, best solution to Shego's crush was to get the older woman out of Middleton as quickly as possible to keep her from getting hurt worse.

* * *

Shego drove the brothers to the airport. "Okay, you two are what is known, in airline lingo, as unaccompanied minors. So–"

"What does that mean?" Nelson wanted to know.

"It means we don't have a grownup with us," Steve explained.

"Exactly," agreed Shego. "And it means the airline will be very careful about what they do with you. It's, like, really, really bad luck if you're supposed to go to Mississippi and they accidentally put you on a plane to Ireland. You wouldn't like Ireland. The food's terrible. As far as I know even the Irish don't eat Irish food if they can avoid it. I'll stay with you in the terminal until they start loading. They'll probably take you on first. You got a layover in Dallas, and–"

"Layover?" asked Nelson.

"They stop the plane and we get on another plane."

"They don't stop it in the air," Shego assured the younger brother. You'll land in Dallas. There should be someone to take you to the next gate. If there isn't call me and I will call the airline and give them bloody hell. Monique says you're going to have a bunch of people waiting for you at the airport in Mississippi."

"An' you'll be gone when we get back? I like you," Steve commented.

"And I like the two of you. But you'll come back with your Mom and I need to be out of the way by then."

"Will you see us sometime?" asked Nelson.

"Maybe. I'm really lousy at predicting the future."

At the gate Shego knelt down to give her final instructions as a flight attendant came to escort the brothers onto the plane. "I have to worry about you until you're in Mississippi. Once you're there you've got uncles and aunts and cousins and your dad to worry about you. Stay together in Dallas. Don't play hide and seek with the flight attendant, it annoys them. Have fun."

The younger brother gave her a big hug, then took the flight attendant's hand and left.

Shego waited at the terminal until the plane departed, then texted Monique, 'Safely off'.

Monique responded, 'Good. Get red wine 4 dinner tonite.'.

'We're having wine for dinner?'

'Herd red wine goes w steak.'

Shego considered asking if the liquor store had a brand of wine called Herd, but settled for a red that came with a wonderful combination of high rating and moderate price.

As she paid she asked, "Temperature? I hear there's tons of debate on the subject."

"Not here there isn't," the clerk told her, "our designated expert has all the answers." She shouted, "Theo! Temperature on a hearty red?"

"Sixty to sixty-five.* An hour in the fridge before serving."

"See," the clerk explained, "an easy way to avoid debate. If you have a question on imported European beers I'm the store's designated expert and everyone else is required to agree with me."

Before heading for the Y Shego stopped at the apartment to change, and puzzle about the wine. How much did the temperature matter? Put it in the fridge now, and it would be cooler than the expert advised. Wait until she got back and it wouldn't have time to chill properly. _"Wine snobs are nuts,"_ she thought and put a note on the bottle instructing Monique to put it in to chill when she got off work.

* * *

Shego returned from the Y and inhaled deeply as she entered the apartment, "Honey, I'm home... It smells great in here. What's up, Kate?"

Monique came out of the kitchen, in a nice outfit, "Would that be the dinner that smells so nice, or me?"

The green woman frowned slightly, puzzled. "Okay..." she said slowly. "I know I'm in the right apartment. Do you have some hot date lined up? Do you want me to go watch a movie for a couple hours or something? I can find a place to crash tonight if he's really special."

"This is for you," Monique told her and gestured for Shego to come see the table, with the company china and silverware and candles in place.

"Table looks lovely. You look great. Food smells terrific. Can you give me a clue?"

"I'm paying my debt so you can go back to Drakken."

"Debt?"

"I owe you more than fifty kisses. I'm supposed to wine and dine you first, but I can't order wine and it's cheaper to buy a really good steak and cook it here than spend a fortune at a restaurant."

"Something stinks here... I mean that figuratively, I... Why are you doing this?"

"You've been saying Drakken's after you to come back. It's been selfish of me to keep you here watching my brothers. Selfish of me, wonderful of you. Now that Steve and Nelson are gone we have sex, and you go back to Drakken."

"You're that anxious to get me back with Drakken?"

"You said when you came you'd go back to him. I feel like I'm holding you back."

"And that still doesn't make sense. But right now we're going to enjoy the dinner and see if the bottle of wine deserves its rating. Then we'll get comfortable and–"

"Have sex so you can go?"

"If I really thought you wanted to make love I'd be flattered as Hell, but I feel like you're doing it to get rid of me. I'm feeling like we're friends and–"

"Friends pay each other what they owe."

"Drop it, Kate. Let's enjoy dinner. I'm hoping half a bottle of wine will get the truth out of you and I won't need to use extreme interrogation techniques."

Dinner was wonderful. "That steak would have been fifty bucks at the restaurant. Was that rice thing something your Dad taught you?"

"Yeah. Like it?"

"Everything's wonderful. And the guys who rated the wine nailed it. This is good."

"I've got kind of a buzz."

"Half a bottle of wine can do that to a lightweight. Leave the dishes. Now we go lie down on your bed."

Monique hesitated a second, then undid a button on her blouse.

"Leave your clothes on," Shego instructed her. "We're just going to talk. And we're doing it on your bed in case the wine puts you to sleep."

Shego stretched out on one side of the bed, Monique on the other.

"Let's start by clearing the air," Shego told her. "I'm going to be honest, then I expect you to be honest. I never intended to have sex with you. I was going to be here maybe two weeks before I went back to Drakken. I was playing with your head when I said I could exchange fifty favors you would owe me sex. It wasn't going to happen. Then, well, you know, my stay got extended a lot longer than I planned."

"Wait a minute! You had me all– And you never intended to have sex with me? It was just a joke? I don't know whether I should feel relief or rejected."

"Okay, let me amend that a little. When I said 'fifty favors and you owe me sex' I was kidding. When you took it seriously I switched over to, 'She's hot. This could be fun.' Does that make you feel any better?"

"Maybe."

"Oh, remember that day you were tickling me?"

"Yeah."

"If your brothers and Ron hadn't been sitting there right then I'd have really given your downstairs neighbor something to really complain about."

"I was just kidding around!"

"I figured that out later. At the moment I thought you were coming on to me. Now, I've been honest with you. I want to know what's really going on."

Monique sighed, "I... I agreed to have sex with you. I've had it in my head it was going to happen. And I owe you! You've done so much for me, for my brothers, for my mom. You've done stuff for my aunt by letting Mom stay and help her, and you don't even know my aunt. I figure I owe you so much that this is the least I can do."

Shego looked thoughtful, then made a humming noise and announced, "My built in truth-o-meter, patent pending, says that's not the whole story."

The black woman took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, I'm worried about you feeling really hurt and rejected when Kim says no. I'm offering myself as a consolation prize. Accept your prize now and go back before you hear Kim say she's not interested in you that way at all."

"You would make a wonderful consolation prize, but I'm not accepting a consolation prize yet. And if Kim tells me to drop dead... There was some album of an old Broadway musical my dad used to play... Some song with a line about 'without a hurt the heart is hollow'. Maybe Kim turns me down. And I get depressed. She's still the person I've wanted to make love with more than anyone in my life."

There was a moment of silence. Shego glanced over, wondering if Monique had fallen asleep. The black woman had a frown, as if thoughtful or fighting the urge to say something, and Shego had another thought. "Is this about me, or Kim?" she demanded.

"About Kim?"

"Yeah. Kim's your friend. You don't want her hurt either. You think she's falling for me and you want me out of town? That's... Or you offer me sex, tell Kim, and figure that will keep her from... This is about Kim as much as me, isn't it?"

"I... I guess so. I know what's going on in your head. I don't know what's going on in Kim's head."

Shego sighed, "And so, you figure sex with me would be what's best for me and Kim both, huh? How about yourself?"

"Myself? You mean helping my friends?"

"I mean, you might have liked it too... Look, Kim shoots me down; maybe I can take you on as wing-man."

"Wing-man? Was he a DC character?"

"No, that's Hawkman. Wing-man is a throws-himself-on-the-hand-grenade best buddy."

"I don't like the job description."

"Not exactly. Two guys in a bar. They spot two chicks having after-work drinks. One is gorgeous, so alpha-male tells wing-man to play border collie. He'll go over and separate the plain-looking friend from the gorgeous girl – ask her to dance or something. This allows alpha-male a clear shot at gorgeous girl."

"I don't know if border collie is exactly what–"

"I do recall, back when you thought I really was demanding sex, that you offered to try and set me up with someone nice as a substitute for crawling into bed with me."

"Fine," Monique agreed. "I'm wing-man for your alpha-male."

"A new dynamic duo," Shego laughed, "the sidekick in my quest to fascinate someone gorgeous." Shego held up her fist, offering a fist bump.

Monique accepted the offer. "But you're still trying for Kim first?"

"Yeah. Oh, piece of good news for my wing-man."

"I'd like one."

"In the romance movies? More than half the time gorgeous-girl turns out to be air-head or klutz, and the plain Jane turns out to be witty, rich, or a genius, or all the above."

* * *

*Kim Possible is set in America, so temperatures will be in Fahrenheit. In the rest of the world a hearty red is ideally served 15° - 18°

The song Shego quotes a line from is Try to Remember, from the world's longest running musical, The Fantasticks, which enjoyed a 42 year run beginning in 1960. Shego's memory was a bit faulty in calling it a Broadway production, it ran off-Broadway. Quite likely the album her father played so often was from an original cast recording.


	12. I'll Wear Your Colors My Dear

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I'm not sure whether April Smith and the Great Picture Show still perform. They were active in the time period of this story, and my daughter was among their rabid fans who would have made the same effort Kim makes in this chapter to hear them. Although I not a fan on that level I think their music is dynamite and deserves the awards and publicity it has received. I once volunteered at a concert similar to the one described here, and years before that I shared a poncho with a young woman as we listened to a concert in the rain. Life imitates fiction. You may have heard several of April Smith's songs. Colors appears in a commercial, so is the one you are most likely to have heard. [Spoiler alert: Perhaps this would have worked better as the title for the final chapter, but it came up on shuffle as I was writing and I took it as an omen.]

 **I'll Wear Your Colors My Dear  
**

"I don't want Kim going to the music festival today," were Anne Possible's first words to Shego when she answered the door.

"Still don't trust me?"

"No, but that's not the issue."

"What's wrong?" Shego asked, and Anne thought she heard real concern in the thief's voice. "Is Kim all right? Relapse of some kind? Not over her cold?"

"It's the cold. There are two stages to mono, first when you're really down with it – and then a long 'don't do anything dumb; take things easy for a few months' stage. She's probably still in the take it easy stage. And perhaps that is why the cold has hit her so hard. Kim didn't sleep well last night and–"

Kim's voice came down the stairs, "Is that Shego?" The question ended in a cough.

Anne called, "Yes," then turned back to Shego. "I'm really afraid she'll overdo for this concert. But even if she hadn't had mono, the cold is bad enough that she shouldn't be going out."

"So she's staying home? She's told me how much she is looking forward to this–"

"She doesn't plan on staying home."

"But you said she needed to rest."

"Did you always do what your mother told you to do?"

"My mom wasn't a doctor."

"Would you have listened any better if she were a doctor?"

Shego hesitated briefly before confessing, "Probably not."

It was Anne Possible's turn to hesitate. "I... um... I wish Kim were not going to the concert with you, but my wish is she not go at all. According to Kim you have been very trustworthy with her. I still believe you're up to something, but I fervently hope I'm wrong. If you were simply going to attack her you could have done that weeks ago when she was weaker, so please keep her safe today."

"I'll try. Might even tell her she should stay home, but if she's not listening to you when you tell her to stay home I have even less influence over her."

"I hope that is true."

Shego wondered about Anne's comment as Kim came downstairs, warmly dressed and with a backpack.

"Ready," Kim announced.

"Hear your mom's been trying to talk sense into you, with very little success."

"It's a tiny little cold. I'm not going to let it stop me from hearing April Smith."

"The weather's unusually cool. The sky is threatening rain. And there is one nasty wind to put a cherry on top of how miserable the day is."

"I'm dressed for the weather. If you want to wuss out I'll go by myself, but I'm not going to miss April Smith."

Anne looked at Shego, "I told you."

"You might have been exaggerating."

"You two were conspiring against me?" demanded Kim.

"I'm concerned about you, Kim. I'm not sure what Shego is doing, but circumstantial evidence suggests she wants you healthy too."

Shego raised her hands in an 'I'm innocent' gesture. "I want to go on record as questioning your sanity," she told Kim. "But if you're not listening to your mom you're not going to listen to me. If you have a relapse it's on your own head."

"The performers are going on, regardless of weather," Kim argued. "Let's go."

"They have covered stages for the musicians," Anne reminded her, "not the audience."

Kim told Shego more about April Smith than the green woman probably wanted to know on the drive. "And I bought tickets the day I heard she was going to be here... That was when... That might have been the straw that broke the camel's back."

"Would you be upset if I asked what the hell you're talking about?"

"Bought the tickets when Ron and I were dating. He was not interested in going."

"You broke up 'cause he didn't want to go to a concert?"

"No. It just started a conversation. He and I are usually honest with each other. We started talking and... Would I sound shallow if I said his plans were too focused on video games, brainless action movies, and junk food? He has so much more potential."

"And he pegged you as classic over-achiever?"

"How did you know? Did he tell you?"

"Lucky guess. But you stayed friends."

"Absolutely."

The music festival was in a large park near Upperton. Trees covered much of the grounds. Four small, open shelter houses scattered around the park had been converted to stages for the music.

It was a long walk from the parking lot to the festival entrance. Kim was not interested in the blue grass or acoustic folk stages. "April Smith will be on stage three," she told Shego after looking over the poster giving locations and times for the different acts.

"And not for two hours," Shego sighed, looking up at the dark clouds.

"The acts before her are okay. Let's get a good spot now."

It was another quarter mile walk to stage three, nothing under normal circumstances. Shego fought the urge to tell Kim she should have listened to her mother every time the redhead coughed.

There was much less competition for good spots than there would have been if the weather were more seasonal. Many of those who had purchased tickets had stayed home, even though they were not suffering from head colds.

"Here," Kim announced. "We can lean back against this tree and we're close to the music."

They had about twenty minutes of listening to music before Shego surrendered to the urge, "You're shivering. You shouldn't be here."

"I'm dressed warmly."

"You're still shivering."

"I'll be fine. At least it isn't raining."

Ten minutes later Shego complained, "You had to say it, didn't you? You just had to say it wasn't raining," as it began to sprinkle. "And if you say it isn't raining hard I may punch you. It's going to get harder."

"I don't care," Kim told her and reached into the backpack and pulled out a poncho. "I am not going to miss April Smith." She started to wrap the poncho around herself then hesitated. "Want to share it with me? Not fair for me to stay dry and you to get soaked." Shego hesitated a moment, and Kim told her, "I consider it saving you from imminent danger. We can touch."

Shego put an arm around Kim, and drew the younger woman close so they could be better covered. "You need to get home. Don't give me that dressed warmly crap – you are shivering."

"I'm not going anywhere until I hear April live. Uh, Shego?"

"Yes?"

"I've seen you generate some incredible heat. How much control do you have?"

"How much control do you want me to have?"

"Wondering if you could raise... Is it your body temperature? Is it the air around you? How do you–"

"I'm not giving you info on my powers. I think my princess is shivering and would like a lovely green knight to ride to her rescue."

"Could you?"

"I think I can generate a little heat to keep you from freezing. Let me know if it feels like I'm toasting you."

The rain began falling a little harder as Shego concentrated. Kim leaned against Shego and purred, "Oh... That's nice."

A minute later Shego whispered, "Princess? Princess?" The soft snore from Kim told her the younger woman had fallen asleep. _"I'll wake her up for the singer she wants to hear,"_ Shego told herself. _"I'll ask how she liked sleeping with me. Will not say that to her mom."_

The different bands and singers were good. It was dry huddled beneath the poncho, and Shego felt thrilled to finally have Kim cuddling against her. There was the added entertainment of watching other concertgoers struggling to stay dry and to find a good place to sit, or stand, and listen to the music. There were individuals and couples fighting to keep umbrellas from being destroyed by gusts of wind. There were other individuals and couples with ponchos, and individuals wrapped in large plastic garbage bags. Some people brought folding chairs with them, and others sought the inadequate shelter of the trees.

Shego was not positive, but thought she saw Ron. The young man was wrapped up in a poncho with a blonde woman. The blonde appeared to be, if Shego remembered correctly, someone named Tara. The blonde pointed in her direction and the two made their way over clumsily – it is much easier for two people to sit together sharing a poncho than for two people to walk together under one.

The couple... as they drew close it was clearly Ron... wanted to look like they were casually passing by, in order to peer more closely at the two beneath the poncho. Shego's face was visible, but not Kim's. Once Shego's identity was confirmed there was strong reason to think the owner of the red hair leaning against her was probably Kim.

Shego decided not to call out to Ron and Tara, or wave, for fear waking Kim. Perhaps there was a way to use the meeting to fight the rumor she and Kim were lovers. She made a quiet 'Shush' sound as they approached.

"Ms Go," Tara began nervously, "I, uh, is Kim all right?"

"Tired," Shego whispered. "Her mom wanted her to stay home, but she really wanted to hear the concert."

"I know! Isn't it great? Ron and I are headed for the bluegrass stage. Um... You and Kim..."

"Kim has a lot of enemies. Her mom wants to keep her safe. So she hired me to watch Kim and protect her."

"Really?"

"Yep. Of course, not all her enemies threaten her physically. You know Bonnie Rockwaller?"

"Yes, she's–"

"She's in deep shit if I catch her. You warn her to run the other direction if she sees me. I don't appreciate her starting rumors about Kim and me and I'm liable to punch her in the nose if I see her again. Think you can deliver that message?"

"Uh, yes," Tara nodded nervously.

Ron appeared ill-at-ease and kept silent through the conversation. Shego looked over at him and grinned broadly, increasing his discomfort. "Didn't expect to see you," the green woman said quietly. "Enjoy the blue grass."

"Is Kim okay?" he asked softly, worried about Shego's intentions and wondering if he should stay close to protect Kim.

"Like I say, just tired. She's got a head cold. Her mom was right, she shouldn't be here, but there's a singer she had to hear, April Smith. Maybe you've heard of her?"

"C'mon," Ron urged Tara, "let's find the bluegrass stage." He wanted desperately to beg Shego not to tell Kim she had seen him.

Shego had figured that out for herself. She didn't plan to tell Kim. There was more value in keeping it in the little file of blackmail events in her mind for use at some point in the future. But she would make it a point to interrogate Ron on the subject the next time she saw him.

Kim snuggled a little closer in her sleep. The green woman gently kissed her forehead. _"Just checking to see if she's running a fever,"_ Shego told herself. Kim felt a little warmer than normal... Not that Shego had a lot of experience kissing Kim's forehead... A little warm, but not dangerously feverish.

The time approached for April Smith's set. Shego developed a sudden fear, if April Smith did not go on Kim might go ballistic. Fortunately that didn't happen. As a band finished April Smith and the Traveling Picture Show was announced. Shego nudged Kim, "Time to wake up."

"Wha..."

"April Smith. And my arm's asleep from holding you so long."

"Sorry... Let's... How do you want us change position?"

"Want to sit in front of me? Use me as your personal chair?"

"That wouldn't be fair to you."

"At least it will get the blood circulating back into my arm. You could probably beat me in a fight now."

"Let's not find out. I want to hear April."

The musicians were still setting up as Kim and Shego adjusted their position. "This is nice," Kim purred. "Have I ever told you you're wonderful?"

"No."

There was a pause as the band tuned their instruments.

"Well?" Shego demanded.

"Well what?"

"Are you going to tell me I'm wonderful?"

"I just did."

"No you didn't. You asked if you ever had, and the answer was no."

"You know what I meant."

"Sometimes a girl likes to be told."

"You're wonderful. You're so wonderful I can't even begin to... Just put your arms around me and... I'm sounding... It's this cold. I can't think clearly." Kim wasn't thinking clearly. She wasn't so sick she was delirious, she knew what was going on, but it was difficult for her to focus. Despite her cold, and the wretched weather, she felt wonderful. She couldn't sort out why she felt so happy. She attributed most of it to finally hearing the concert she'd wanted to attend for months. She felt a little self-satisfaction in that she had not allowed her cold or the weather to stop her from what she wanted to do. Part of her happiness came from being warm and dry while other concert goers struggled for the same happiness she enjoyed – the ability to listen in comfort. How much credit did Shego deserve in her happiness? Kim suddenly wanted to kiss Shego to thank her. Clearly this was a reflection of the fact Kim was sick. She did not want to kiss Shego. She was sure of that. It was head cold talking. "Thank you for being here with me. Keep your arms around me, will you? Please?"

"No problem. But I'm taking you home as soon as this set is over."

"No way! There're other acts I want–"

"No arguments. I don't want to tell your mom I let you stay past April Smith."

Kim sighed in contentment as she lay in Shego's arms, listening to the concert. She couldn't remember ever feeling happier... _"It's the concert,"_ she reminded herself, _"that's why I'm so happy."_ There was another urge to thank Shego with a kiss, but fear of passing on the cold, and a certainty Shego would misunderstand the gesture, and a reminder that she wasn't thinking clearly helped Kim restrain herself. "I really am feeling better," Kim argued weakly at the end of the April Smith set. "That nap was just what I needed."

"Glory Hallelujah. You haven't coughed in half an hour. I'm still marching you home, you're going to bed and I'll suggest your mom give you a sleeping pill and a chicken soup IV."

The rain had eased to a drizzle. While Shego did not need to share the poncho with Kim on the walk out they kept it around them as they walked out, their arms around the other. Kim told herself she just needed Shego's warmth and support. Shego felt optimistic at Kim's willingness to trek out with their arms around each other.

Shego hoped Kim had exhausted her conversation on April Smith on the drive to the concert. To her dismay she discovered this wasn't the case. And on top of it Kim seemed determined to retell every minute of the performance on the trip home – even though Shego had just listened to it herself.

"Call your Mom," Shego ordered. "Tell her you're on your way."

Kim made the call, which lasted a few minutes. "... Mom! I'm capable of walking to the front door by myself!" ... "Okay, I'll tell her." ... "See you in about ten minutes. Love you. 'Bye." Kim turned to Shego. "Mom says you need to walk me up to the front door."

"I was curious about that."

"I think it's so you can't get away, she says you're staying for dinner. Oh, I'm supposed to go to bed as soon as I get home. You're staying for dinner. I'm telling you this so you can escape if you want."

"You want me to escape?"

"I don't know what I want. I'm not thinking clearly. Mom says she wants you to tell her about the concert. I.. It's up to you."

"Thanks for the warning."

Shego escorted Kim to the door. Anne Possible ordered Kim to bed.

Shego attempted to excuse herself with, "I think Monique expects me to–"

"No she doesn't," Anne told her firmly. "I called Monique and told her you would be staying for dinner. Oh, and she told me her brothers were having a wonderful time with their father – in case you tried to use that as a reason to leave."

"I... Uh, can I help set the table or something?"

"That would be wonderful. I want to hear about the concert."

"Sure. Oh, you owe me five bucks."

"Parking? What's this–"

"The reason I'm being seen with Kim. You hired me as a bodyguard while she's recovering. If anyone repeats that rumor about Kim and I having sex you can explain I'm keeping her safe from enemies."

 _"And who's keeping her safe from you?"_ Anne wondered. "That seems a very low price to charge."

"I enjoy the job," shrugged Shego.

 _"I'll bet you do. Way too much,"_ thought Anne. "Let me get my purse."

"You don't have to do it right this second. I figure you're good for it. And I'll probably be back."

"No, let me get my purse now. You might get called away suddenly." _"I should be so lucky."_

The absence of Kim at the dinner table removed Shego's potential defender. Fortunately there was much that could be said about the concert.

"James, you and the twins will clean up. I'm going out with Shego for a drink and more conversation."

"I really think–" Shego started to protest.

"Nonsense, I insist," Anne told her firmly.

Shego had visited the lounge, it was far too upscale to call a bar, twice in her early efforts at the Middleton dating scene. It catered to Middleton's highly paid professional clientele – doctors, lawyers, and business executives. It was a place to meet with friends or have a relaxing drink after work. A place for conversation with friends rather than a place to meet someone new; and so Shego had tried her luck at other bars.

Two people, at different tables, greeted Anne as she and Shego entered. After they were seated the woman who had waved came over and asked about something at the hospital. The woman glanced curiously at Shego and Anne reluctantly cleared her throat, "This... Um, this is Miss Green. I've hired her as a body guard for my daughter until she recovers completely."

"Bodyguard?"

"And I'm extremely good," Shego assured her. "Kim and I go way back, so Anne thought of me when Kim came down with mono. I'm here now to give her my report."

The woman shook her head in an 'Oh, that explains it,' gesture and moved back to the table with her husband.

Shego grinned, "I figured you thought of me when Kim got sick. Notice, I didn't say what you probably thought of me."

"And that is much appreciated. However, you've already given me your report on the concert today. I'm here to talk about you."

"Me?"

"That is correct. I want to know what you plan to do with your life. You seem a very capable young woman. Where do you see yourself in ten years, for example?"

"Do you give all of Kim's friends the third degree?"

A server came to their table to ask for their drink orders.

"White wine spritzer, half the usual wine," Anne requested.

A double Scotch sounded good to Shego, given the grilling she expected, but she went with, "The wine you're not putting in her spritzer? Put it in mine."

"Be back in a minute," promised the young man.

"You asked if I'm curious about the plans for all of Kim's friends," Anne reminded Shego. "Many of them are still deciding their futures. I know some of their plans, but they're young enough they may change their minds during college. You are a little older and have had time to reflect on career choices. Do you see yourself with Drakken in another ten years?"

"Uh, no. I'm, ah, exploring other options."

"Really? Or are you just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear?"

"No, seriously."

"And what are you hoping to do? I'm going to be frank with you. While you seem a very capable young woman you also appear to be someone who avoids responsibility for your actions."

"I'd certainly like to avoid the consequences," agreed Shego. "Working for Drakken kind of limits some of the options open to me."

"It does indeed," nodded Anne in agreement, "and that... Here is our server."

Shego took a sip of the wine spritzer. She should have ordered the double Scotch. Maybe a double-double Scotch. The green woman took another sip, and considered asking for a bottle of Scotch. No glass. She might kill the entire bottle before this conversation was over. Tempting as it sounded, however, she was fairly certain it was actually a bad idea. "Uh, as I was saying, I am considering new, um, career paths. And, as we both know, the time with Drakken sort of limits some of my options."

"Have you considered leaving the country?" Anne asked in fit of optimism. "There are a number of countries where your recent history wouldn't be a problem."

"No... In my own patriotic way I'm... Do you know what they call a person who only speaks one language?"

"Monolingual?"

"No, an American. I can do a smattering of a couple other things, but I really don't want to be considered a semi-functional illiterate."

"There are other English speaking countries. Australia, for example."

"Have you tried talking with an Aussie? I'm not sure I consider that an English speaking country."

Anne sighed, "So, you're determined to stay in the US?"

"You seem awfully anxious to get rid of me."

"I'm just thinking of your own well-being. Your past is certain to cause problems for you here."

"Perhaps... But, like you said, I'd really like to avoid the consequences for some of my past actions. It's not impossible. I know people who know people. There are things that can be done... I'm not saying it's going to happen. I said I know people who know people. It's sort of in the hands of those other people at the moment."

"Well, I am very pleased to hear you are thinking of leaving your current position, and–"

"Consider that a certainty. Uh, don't mention that, please."

"Not even to Kim?"

"Not even to Kim."

In Anne's mind it clearly indicated Shego was lying about leaving Drakken, or at least that leaving Drakken was a certainty. "Getting back to my original question. We assume you leave Drakken, and the people who are in a position to help you clean up your history can come through for you, whither goest thou?"

Shego took a sip of her drink. "Hell of a question, isn't it? Do any of us know where we're going to be next week? Some drunk could drive down the wrong side of the road and hit you on the way home tonight. An asteroid could smash into the earth next week. A new strain of influenza could–"

"Assuming for the moment the apocalypse does not arrive, for either the world or you individually, where would you like to be in ten years?"

"Dr. Possible, before we continue this conversation, I'd–"

"Call me Anne."

"You don't like me, do you?"

"Is there any reason I should... Sorry, that was cruel."

"But honest. Cards on the table. You don't really like me, so why are we out having a drink while you grill me about my future? And please don't give me any generic humanitarian crap about not wanting to see anyone waste her life."

"First, there is nothing wrong with your 'generic humanitarian crap'. I don't like seeing anyone with a vast amount of potential waste his or her life. You are someone who could choose to do a great deal with your life. But it's your choice." Anne took a deep breath and stared hard at Shego for a moment before continuing. "Second, Kim is starting to like you. I don't know how much she likes you, but it frightens me. I am very certain you have some sort of designs on my daughter, and given the fact you have tried to kill her in the past, that frightens me too. Because I believe you capable of planning ahead and being entirely unethical I have a fear this is a plan to harm Kim. However, should I be wrong and you have no plans to physically or psychologically harm my daughter I worry what it means if she is starting to care deeply for you and you end up in court and are held responsible for your crimes. Are you going to be in prison ten years from now? You may be correct. Perhaps part of me doesn't care what happens to you. But I worry that will hurt my daughter. It may be selfish of me, but that is my feeling. You wanted cards on the table? Those are mine. What are you holding?"

"That is an interesting question for you to ask, after telling me you see no reason to believe a word I tell you. It rather defeats the whole point, doesn't it?"

Anne took a sip of spritzer. She was a brain surgeon and knew the damage large volumes of alcohol did to the brain. But she held a suspicion this conversation would go better if she and Shego were drinking excessive amounts of rum and cola. "You are correct. I need to adjust my attitude. Kim tells me, and she is usually a good judge of character, that if you give your word you will keep it. Can I have your word you'll tell me the truth in this conversation?"

"I do keep my word, so I'm real careful about making promises. I reserve the right to not answer your questions. And I want a promise from you that this conversation will remain confidential. You're asking me what I'm planning. I can't tell you the future. I may tell you some hopes I have, but hopes aren't facts. I don't want you repeating anything like it's a done deal... I don't want you repeating anything. This is a private conversation. Period. Do you accept my conditions?"

"I accept."

"And you recognize that asking me about my feelings for Kim is something I'll probably refuse to answer?"

"I guessed that. No, at the moment I'd just like to hear you are thinking about your own future – and imagining yourself in a place outside of prison."

"Yeah. That's my goal. I contacted someone... I started one possible scheme. I'll call it a scheme. Not exactly legal. But I suspect my contact has contacts I've never heard about, and I'm hoping I get an even better offer. I'd really like to see a police officer without feeling nervous."

"Let's pretend for a moment that something comes through for you. What would you like to do with your life?"

Shego chuckled, "Be happy. Isn't that what we all want? Wasn't there some school of Greek philosophy that said that was what life was all about?"

"The Epicureans. They may have been on to something. The other schools encouraged people to live for virtue."

"Which I've certainly failed at. But I think your question is what do I want to do with my life to be happy?"

"Exactly."

"Hell if I know. You talked about Kim's friends who're starting college without knowing what they want to do with their lives? In some ways I feel like that right now. Not sure what I want to do. The last few years have been a waste. I know what I don't want to do. I'm tired of being Shego. What do I want? I'm almost afraid to think about that. First I need to get my life in a condition where I have options again. If that happens. I can dream. Right now... You said you were afraid? I'm afraid too."

Anne raised her glass in the air. "I mean this sincerely, I'm hoping for you – and praying you succeed. If I can help, call me."

Shego accepted the invitation for a toast and clinked her glass against Anne's. "Thanks, but remember, this was private conversation. Nothing is sure."

Anne nodded her head, "I'll keep my promise."


	13. Don't Put a Dent in My Heart

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Dave Burgess had a solid career in music. He may not have been a superstar, but he collaborated with big names and performed with different groups. However, he started out with a strange masochistic novelty song in 1953. I'm not going to quote the lyrics. You wouldn't believe me.

 **Don't Put a Dent in My Heart  
**

"House arrest?" Monique repeated in a skeptical tone to Kim's claim. "Your Mom has you under house arrest?"

"Well, sort of," Kim insisted. "She says I need psychological evaluation for going to the concert yesterday when... That is a fancy way to say she thinks I'm crazy to–"

"I got that GF."

"Anyway, she insists I stay home today even though the cold really broke during the concert. I slept with Shego and–"

"You slept with Shego?"

"Not that way. We were under my poncho to stay dry and I took a nap, and was feeling a lot better when I woke up. Shego insisted on taking me home after April Smith, and I woke up this morning feeling great."

"Got to agree with your Mom, you should have stayed home yesterday. Yeah, it was April Smith live, but it was crazy cold out there, even if you could stay dry under the poncho it was still a nasty wind."

"Shego kept me warm... I'm not sure how she does it. Does she raise her body temperature? Is it her plasma thing? Does she control the temperature of the air around her? I asked, but she didn't tell me..." Kim sighed. "Do you know the problem with Shego?"

"I can think of several. At least she keeps the seat down. What do you see as the problem?"

"She isn't honest enough."

"Excuse me? She's a thief, remember?"

"I mean about her feelings... What did she think about the concert yesterday? Was she mad because I dragged her out in the cold, and then fell asleep on her? How does she feel about..." Kim's voice trailed off.

"How does she feel about what?"

"Oh... I don't know..." Kim answered vaguely. "The concert? April Smith? Me?"

"You?"

"Yeah, she... She's really nice to me. But she's said she wants to seduce me. So I always wonder if she's being nice because she– And when I asked she said it can be both... She says that some of the guys who were nice to me in high school probably wanted to get me in bed."

"Well, duh. You couldn't figure that out, Miss Straight-A's?"

"It's just so... so wrong."

"Monique to Kim, Shego is giving it to you straight. She's telling you the truth."

"Okay, maybe she's right on that. But how does she really feel about me? What does she say about me?"

"You're asking me about my private conversations with Shego?"

"Yes!" Kim answered too quickly and eagerly, "Does she talk about me? What does she say?"

Monique sighed. "Kim, if Shego asked me what you talk about with me, would you want me reporting everything you said?"

Kim hesitated before suggesting, "This is different."

"How is it different?"

"I'm your friend."

"Bad news, GF, I'm her friend too. Under that snarky, sarcastic exterior there lurks a nice person... Or at least the remains of a nice person. I'm not gonna snitch on conversations. I will tell you one thing that is pretty obvious to me from just living with her, she really likes you. She thinks you're really special."

"Really?"

"I doubt she'd have sat out in yesterday's weather under a poncho with anyone else."

"And it's really not just so she can... You know."

"Kim? I got a question for you."

"What?"

"How honest are you with her?"

"I'm always honest."

"Have you told her how you feel? Have you told me what you really feel about her?"

Kim hesitated, then sighed, "I don't know how I feel about her. I mean, yeah, I can't remember being as happy as I was yesterday when her arms were around me and–"

"Stop, you said something about sleeping with her, and her arms were around you. Doesn't that–"

"It was all innocent!" insisted Kim. "We were just keeping dry and warm. She had one arm around me while we waited, and I fell asleep, and then April Smith came on, and her arm was tired so we changed position and–"

"And you can't remember feeling as happy as you were in her arms?"

"I'd waited months for that concert! And my cold finally broke! And I was dry and warm and–"

"And were listening all cuddled up with Shego."

"Yes, but–"

"And she's had chance after chance to hurt you the last couple months. You fell asleep in her arms. If she wanted to hurt you, you handed yourself to her on a silver platter! And what did she do? She held you and kept you warm."

"But what if she..."

"You said you couldn't remember feeling happier. Maybe you should tell her that."

Kim didn't exactly change the subject. It was more of a lateral. "Are you working today?"

"No, have it off."

"I can't leave the house, but Mom didn't say no company. You and Shego could come over and hang out. We could watch TV or order pizza or something."

"You really want us both or you think it would look bad if you just asked me to send Shego and blew me off?"

"Monique! Of course I want you to come over! How can you even say that?"

"I don't know, maybe it was that, 'I've never been happier in my life than when I woke up with Shego and she held me in her arms'."

"You are totally twisting what I said."

"Maybe. But I'd be real, real careful about how you tell the story to your Mom."

"I, ah, left a few details out. So, can the two of you come over?"

"I'm not Shego's social secretary. I need to see if she's giving a self-defense lesson or something. Am I still welcome if–"

"Of course you are... Oh, could you bake a cake with a file inside? I'm not sure how my sentence to house arrest is supposed to last."

"Probably 'til Shego is out of town. You say your Mom doesn't trust her."

"Yeah... Kinda weird, but Mom didn't really question me about Shego this morning, and Jim says Shego stayed for dinner last night and then she and mom went out for an hour or so."

"Can I say that sounds suspicious, or have you figured that out for yourself?"

"Figured it out all my myself. I don't need Wade to do simple math for me. Two plus two almost always equals four."

"I'm pretty sure it always equals four."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? But as soon as you start getting too comfortable with an idea something comes along and turns everything you know upside down. I mean, if anyone said I'd be with Shego at... Not going to finish that thought. You'll just tease me more. How about we drop Shego for the day, okay?"

"That's just as topic for conversation, you still want us to come over, right?"

"Fer sure."

Monique laughed, "Okay. I'll check with the Green Goddess and we'll head over in awhile. And I'm welcome even if she can't make it, off robbing a bank or something?"

"I told you you were."

"I heard you, but you spent your time gushing about... Sorry, I'll drop the teasing for the rest of the day."

* * *

Shego and Monique stopped at a bakery on the way to the Possible home. They bought a small, rectangular-shaped chocolate cake, and had it custom trimmed into roughly a file shape, and then butter-cream was colored gray and put on with a texturing tool to make it resemble the teeth of a file.

The trio took the cake along with small plates and forks to the family room, and Kim gave Monique a song by song description of the concert, or at least those portions of the concert she could remember. She also demanded Shego provide more details of the times when Kim was napping.

"And I had a call from Tara," Kim told Monique. "You'll never guess who was at the concert."

"Denzel Washington?"

"Obviously not," snorted Shego, "'cause you guessed him. And she says you can't guess who was there, so it has to be someone you never heard of. Probably Herkimer Snotnose."

"Who's he?"

"Someone you'd never guess, because you've never heard of him."

"You don't have to be so literal," Kim grumbled. "Ron was there! With Tara!"

Monique looked properly surprised, "Really?" She thought a moment and shrugged. "They'd make a cute couple."

Kim turned to Shego and gave her a sharp look, "And Tara says they saw us. She was calling to see if I was okay. Why didn't you tell me you saw Ron?"

"He was looking guilty as hell, and I figured he didn't want you to know he was there with the blonde."

Monique smiled, "That was very considerate of you to–"

"So I figured I could probably blackmail him in some way by threatening to expose him."

"Just let Ron expose himself," giggled Kim. "He needs to find a belt that works."

Monique laughed, "At least he's always got good elastic on his boxers."

"So I got nothing?" grumbled Shego. "Him going to the concert with that Tara doesn't bother you at all?"

"No. I told you, dating didn't work out for us, but he's still my best friend. He really looked guilty?"

"Yeah."

"I hope he wasn't worried I'd be upset. I'd better call him later."

Shego looked over at Monique, "Is she always this sweet and understanding?"

"Let's look at this objectively," the black woman suggested. "Ron went to the concert with a pretty blonde. Kim went to the concert with you. In the big picture, which of those is more whack?"

Shego opened her mouth to say something, realized she really had nothing, and ate another bite of cake as Kim resumed the story of the concert.

Monique watched Kim closely as she talked about the concert. She noted all the glances over at Shego. Was it strictly for Shego to verify the truth of what Kim said? Was it a non-verbal asking for Shego to provide any additional details? Was Kim seeking signs of approval from Shego?

One of Monique's brothers watched some television show where some kind of behavioral super-humans watched video monitors as suspects were questioned, and could write a novel about a hiccup. "He hesitated point zero three seven seconds before saying 'no' to that question," the handsome hero points out. "That means he committed the murder at ten-twenty-seven, then put the body in a rented car and dumped it somewhere east of the city." To which the gorgeous woman on the show to provide sexual tension adds, "Obviously seven miles out on highway eighty, and the police should search the ditch on the south side of the road." Or a suspected terrorist is arrested and glances at a clock, "The bomb is set for nine-thirty," the nerdy comedy relief exclaims. Hero corrects him with, "Nine-forty-five. And he has it hidden in a cleaning closet on the third floor of city hall. His left eye twitched." Monique couldn't stay in the room during the program. It was too ridiculous. But she would have paid good money for the slightest hint of exactly what it meant when Kim spent so much time looking at Shego. At least Monique felt Kim glanced at Shego often. Was this the black woman's own imagination working overtime?

Twenty minutes later, when Kim had almost finished the story of April Smith and the Great Picture Show, James Possible entered the family room, bringing stares from the trio for what he carried.

"A chess set?" Monique asked.

"Yes! Kim said she wanted to learn how to play chess, so that she and Shego could–"

"I wasn't serious, Dad."

"But you said–"

"That was months ago, and I... Shego... It doesn't matter. I wasn't serious."

James Possible looked slightly hurt.

"Chess is a good game," volunteered Monique, which caused him to smile. "My dad taught me to play."

"I know the basic moves," Shego admitted. "Used to play with my brothers. I don't think I was ever any good."

Monique laughed, "If you're that bad, I'll play you. I'd love to beat you at something."

"I, uh... Do you think we could play a game now?" James asked in a hesitant voice, "Just to show Kim how it's played."

The three woman looked at each other, all wanting the answer to be 'No', but no one wanting to say it. After a moment the black woman sighed, "Okay. You'll probably beat me fast."

"It's a great game, Kimmie," enthused Dr. Possible as he set the board on the coffee table and opened up the box with the pieces. "It teaches you to think ahead and... Can I have a piece of cake?"

"Sure, Dad."

The pieces were almost in position when Shego's phone rang. The green woman glanced at the screen. "I'd better take this. Private."

James pointed to a door to one side, "Office in there. You can close the door."

Kim desperately wanted to know who the call was from, fearing it was Drakken. Monique had seen the caller ID. The call was from Wade, but it didn't seem to be a proper object for discussion with Kim's dad there.

Shego closed the door behind her. "Yes?"

"Got a job offer for you... Well, not me. A Federal–"

"You're pimping me out to the Feds? I thought you had moral standards."

"I'm not pimping you out! And they can do things for you I can't, maybe even–"

"I still have moral standards," sniffed Shego. "But, if the price is right the boundaries between right and wrong have been known to shift around a bit. The Feds, you say?"

"Yeah. You've probably suspected I have connections with–"

"No suspicion about it. I know damn well you have a shitload of contacts all over the place. You may be a genius, but if you really invented all the stuff you've had Kim test you'd be the richest man in the world from all your patents. What are we talking here? Any chance of a pardon?"

"Not a full pardon, at least for this. This is kind of a... Let's say it's exploratory. Got an agency that would like to talk with you. They'll–"

"Can you listen in? Take part of the conversation?"

"This is supposed to be private, just you and–"

"I don't trust them. You work damn hard to keep Kim safe. If someone won't talk with you listening I don't want to talk with them. I want you for a witness – and them to know you're my witness. You may not be everything Kim believes, but you are damn good, and as honest a liar as I've met. You call the Feds and say you're part of the conversation or it's no go. I'll wait here."

Wade laughed, "I like you, you're suspicious. And you could be right. Let me call."

It was a half hour later when Shego emerged from the office. James was studying the chess board. "What's going on?" the green woman asked.

"I think Monique said she has him in something called checkmate," answered Kim.

"Check and mate," Monique corrected her. "Check is when the king is under attack, and mate is when there's no way out of the attack."

James admitted defeat by turning his king onto its side. "Another game?" he asked optimistically. "I'm just rusty."

"Maybe another day," Monique promised. "You need to review the Queen's gambit."

"Is that what that was?" he asked.

"Hey, hate to break up the party," added Shego, "but I need to go."

"Go?" asked Kim.

"Something came up. I'm taking off for a day or so."

"You'll be back?"

"I should be. That's my plan anyway."

* * *

Kim called Monique that evening. "Is Shego really gone?"

"Yeah."

"Did she say anything about where she'd be going?"

"Not to me... Oh, this afternoon, when her phone rang and she went into the office?"

"Yes?"

"I saw caller ID. It was Wade."

"Wade?"

"Yeah."

Kim gave a sigh of relief. "I feel much better. I'll give him a call."

"Think he'll tell you where she is, or what she's doing?"

"I don't know... I hope so."

Shego had been completely tight-lipped about her plans with Monique. Monique strongly suspected Wade would be equally reluctant to tell Kim anything. "Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks. Gonna call Wade now."

It was a remarkably brief conversation. Usually Kim would chat for at least twenty minutes. Kim was clearly very concerned about Shego.

Kim received very little satisfaction from her call to Wade.

"Hey, Kim, wassup?"

"Shego is doing something for you?"

"No."

"Monique saw your name on the caller ID."

"I called Shego, she's not doing anything for me."

"You set up something for her?"

"Uh, yeah. But I'm really not comfortable talking about it."

"I just feel relieved it was you who called. I know it can't be anything illegal."

"I can't talk about it, Kim."

"But you'd never ask her to do anything illegal, right?"

"She's not doing anything for me."

"Can you at least tell me she isn't doing anything dangerous?"

"Kim you're always doing things that are dangerous, remember?"

"Is it more dangerous than my missions?"

"I can't talk about it, Kim. Shego is a capable woman."

"She said she'd be gone a day or two. She'll come back?"

"I'm sorry, Kim. I really can't talk about it."

Monique was still sitting her apartment, trying to figure out what was happening when the call between Kim and Wade ended. Kim and Shego were giving her a headache, and she was starting to blame Kim more than she blamed Shego. The green woman was surprisingly open about what she wanted: Kim. It was not clear at all what Kim wanted, at least to Monique.

At the very least Kim showed signs of infatuation. Were her feelings for Shego even deeper? How deep? Soon after her move to Middleton, Monique was eating lunch at a table with Kim and two of her cheerleader friends. One had talked about having sex with a boyfriend the weekend before when his parents were out of town. Kim had been adamant, she would never have sex before marriage. That was a couple years earlier. Opinions changed. In middle school Monique would have agreed with Kim. She hadn't mentioned it that day in the cafeteria, but her views differed from Kim. She would have said she saw nothing wrong with sex if you were in a really, really serious relationship (which presumably would end in marriage). Monique's position had continued to evolve. She no longer required the 'really, really'. A casual hook-up? No way. Serious relationship? Maybe.

The black woman smiled. She'd even changed with Shego. Monique had felt pressured to have sex with Shego, and deeply resented it. Eventually she had accepted it, philosophically, as something she had owed Shego for the older woman's help. She had even begun to feel a bit curious about what sex with Shego would be like. And while she was mostly relieved when Shego confessed she didn't expect a night of passion there had been a tiny feeling of rejection and disappointment. People changed. Opinions changed. Had Kim changed? What were Kim's feelings now toward Shego? Monique closed her eyes and sighed. Tempting as it seemed to her at the moment she felt calling Kim and asking, "Hey, GF, changed your mind about sex before marriage? Have an urge to hop into the sack with Shego?" would probably be a very bad idea.


	14. Playing with the Queen of Hearts

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

There are a number of songs with the title Queen of Hearts. The one I'm fond of was written by Hank DeVito and first recorded by Dave Edmunds on a 1979 album. Juice Newton used it as the title track of a 1981 album, which gave it even greater visibility... Is visibility the proper term for a song? Audibility?

 _Laying out another lie_  
 _Thinking 'bout a life of crime_  
 _'Cause that's what I'll have to do_  
 _To keep me away from you_

 **Playing with the Queen of Hearts  
**

Monique was in bed when she heard the apartment door close. She sat up and called, "Who's there?" as she reached for her cell phone to call the police. Shego usually made no noise coming in. Her Mom and brothers weren't expected back for a month. Hopefully the burglar would realize he made a mistake about the apartment being empty and escape before a witness could identify him.

"Sorry," came a woman's voice. "Tired."

"Shego?"

"How many women have the key to your apartment?"

Monique jumped out of bed and opened her door. "One too many... You look beat."

"Well, there's a reason for that. Need some sleep... So stressed I can't... "

"Hey, you gave me a back-rub when I had a lousy day. Take off your clothes, lie down and let Sister Monique massage some of that stress away."

"Do I have to kiss your feet or anything?"

"No."

"'Cause that sounds so good I might be willing... The backrub, not the feet..." Shego told her as she stumbled into the bedroom she was using.

Monique followed her in. Shego yawned as she stripped, pulled on an over-sized t-shirt and flopped onto the bed.

"Roll over," ordered Monique. She straddled the green woman and began to massage her shoulders. "You're tense."

"Yeah."

"And too tired to tell me anything. But probably wouldn't tell me anything if you were awake."

"Oh, that's good," Shego moaned. "No, can't... Too early..." She yawned, "Nothing sure. But I probably take off next week."

"Next week? Mom isn't coming back with Steve and Nelson for..." Monique stopped talking she realized Shego had fallen asleep. Monique pulled a sheet over the sleeping woman before returning to her own room. She started to reach for her phone, looked at the clock, hesitated given how late it was, and then called Kim's number.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Kim? Monique. Hey, hypothetical question. If Shego comes back, and it's this late, would you want me to wake you up with the news?"

"Is she okay?"

"She's dead."

"What!"

"Dead tired! Tired! Sorry. My bad."

"Don't say things like... Well, I'm wide awake now. Probably everyone else in the house is too after I shouted."

"Kim, you okay?" came her father's voice.

"Sorry, Dad. Nightmare." She returned to the conversation with Monique in a lower tone. "When did she get back?"

"Fifteen... Twenty minutes ago. She was a zombie. I put her to bed, gave her a backrub, and she was out before you could say Jackie Robinson."

"You put her to bed?"

"Her own bed, GF. Why, you jealous?"

"No! I'm... It's late, I'm tired."

"I'll let us both get some sleep. Just thought you'd want to know."

"Yeah, thanks."

 _"You were so jellin',"_ thought Monique as she hung up and returned to her own pillow.

Kim looked at the clock. It was tempting to slip out the window and head over to Monique's. _"She's tired,"_ she reminded herself.

 _"She woke you up when you were tired,"_ argued a voice in her head.

 _"I'm not rude like that."_

 _"You don't need to wake her up. We just need to see that she's okay."_

 _"No, she needs her sleep,"_ Kim told herself. She offered herself a compromise, _"I'll call at ten – if she hasn't called me by then."_ She wondered why she had trouble getting back to sleep.

* * *

"Yeah?" growled Shego when she answered the phone.

"'Nique said you were tired, so I let you sleep until now."

"You could have given me a couple more hours, Princess," Shego yawned.

"Wow, you really were beat. Hey, there's a funny story about–"

"How about it waits for a couple more hours and I get back to sleep?"

"You'd rather stay in bed than talk with me?"

"I'd prefer talking to you in bed, but I don't hear you giving me that option."

"I'll give you one more hour of sleep, then I'm picking you up and taking you on a picnic to welcome you back."

"I was only gone–"

"It doesn't matter. Wear shoes for walking in the woods. And your extra hour starts now!"

Ninety minutes later Kim drove her car into the mountains near Middleton.

"Where are you taking me, Princess?"

"Someplace special... My quiet place... I'm not even sure Ron has been here with me. I... I wanted to say thanks for being with me during the concert, helping me, keeping me warm."

"No problem. Just how quiet is this place?" asked Shego. "Will anyone hear you scream when I attack you?"

"You aren't going to attack me. And I'm strong enough to defend myself now."

"No, you're not."

"Well, almost. When I was in fourth grade I had to get leaves from different trees. My dad brought me up here on a leaf expedition and... Anyway, I don't have a lot of time to myself, but sometimes, when I do, I come up here and just sit and think. There isn't even cell phone reception... And don't you dare spoil the mood by talking about jumping me."

A few minutes later Shego asked in disbelief, "This is the place?" as Kim pulled off onto a grassy shoulder by the highway.

"No, now you find why I told you to wear shoes for hiking. It's about a mile through the trees there."

"Almost there?" Shego asked fifteen minutes later. "Did we really need this much stuff for a picnic?"

"We could have just each brought an egg salad sandwich, but it's nicer to have a real picnic," Kim told her. "And we're almost there."

The trees opened slightly on a clearing. To one side a broken down cabin stood by a stream. Kim pointed to a space near the cabin, "Spread the blanket there. My guess is that someone wanted to homestead up here, but couldn't raise enough food to support himself and moved away."

Shego looked around and shrugged. "Probably." She took the blanket out of her backpack and spread it, as Kim took food from her backpack.

They ate a leisurely meal. Kim caught Shego looking at her and smiling, "See, isn't it better to bring in real food?"

Shego reddened slightly and lied, "I was just thinking you have depths I didn't know. I didn't realize you could cook." The real reason for her smile was thinking how pretty Kim looked.

It was Kim's turn to be embarrassed, "I, uh, actually didn't cook anything. I'm not much good in the kitchen."

"The girl who can do anything? I guess it doesn't matter if you're no good in the kitchen as long as you're good in the bedroom."

Kim's blush deepened, "Don't talk like that. I, uh, I just never learned to cook. I'm sure I could if I tried. But I brought you here for a reason."

"And if you don't tell me it was so we could make out in private I'll be heart-broken."

"I asked you not to talk like that."

"And I told your mother I'm asking you out to tease you."

"We both... I think all three of us know that's a lie. And that's what I want to talk with you about."

"My teasing you?"

"No, you talking with my mother. My brothers tell me you stayed for dinner last week after you brought me home from the concert. And they say you and mom were talking in the kitchen, and then you went out somewhere–"

"A bar, although maybe too fancy to really be called a bar."

"You took my mom to a bar?"

"No, she took me."

"My mother and my... my... whatever you are. I want to know what you two were talking about."

"Afraid we were plotting against you?"

"I'm just insanely curious. You and my mom talking? There's something wrong with that picture."

"Okay, I'll tell you the truth. Your mom made me an offer, if I clean up my act and get a pardon I can have your hand in marriage." Shego laughed at Kim's shocked expression.

The redhead's expression quickly turned to skepticism, "Seriously, what did you and mom talk about?"

"Okay, I was paraphrasing. You may have realized that your mom is one smart lady – and appears very used to having her own way."

"She is," agreed Kim.

"Anyway, she's figured out that I'm asking you out because I'm hoping to crawl into your pants with you already inside them. And I think she's worried you may be interested in me–"

"Seriously?"

"That's my guess. I can't imagine her pitching the virtues of a clean and virtuous life to me if she wasn't afraid of me corrupting you."

"Maybe she likes people to live honest lives and she has no idea you're hoping to seduce me."

"She's a smart lady. And you go out on dates with me–"

"Under duress!"

"Doesn't matter. We go on dates. You don't want to call the cops and have them try to arrest me–"

"Not with Monique as a hostage!"

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Your mom doesn't realize Monique is a hostage. What she knows is that you over-dressed for that movie date. And then snuggling up to me for warmth–"

"You didn't tell her that, did you? I was freezing at the concert!"

"You snuggled! 'Put your arms around me Shego!' 'Keep me warm Shego.' 'You're wonderful, Shego. I love you.' You said it."

"I did not!"

"You were asleep. How would you know?"

"I was having a nightmare! You didn't tell her that! Please, tell me you didn't tell her that!"

"Actually, you didn't say that. At least you didn't say you loved me. I told her we shared a poncho at the concert. But if you'll be honest you'll admit that your mom might jump to the conclusion that you're interested."

Kim thought for a minute. "Maybe. Mom has been wrong a couple times."

"Thank you for agreeing with me. Know what I want now?"

"Same thing you always want. And the answer is still 'no'."

"You have a dirty mind, Pumpkin. I was thinking of a nap. This is more lunch than I usually have, and a beautiful, quiet spot. Someone, who shall remain nameless, woke me up this morning before I wanted to crawl out of bed. And I think that person owes me. How about I stretch out on the blanket and snooze. You can do your meditation thing if you want... Oh, and let me use you for a pillow."

"What?"

"Hey, you used me for a cuddle toy when you went to sleep at the concert... And may I point out you must like me, or you wouldn't have used me for a cuddle toy."

"I was sick!"

"But you trusted me enough to go with me, and to use me as your personal sleep aid. If you were really worried you wouldn't have done it, true or false?"

"True," Kim grudgingly admitted.

"Now, let me rest your head on your lap and grab a nap. Fair is fair."

Kim gazed down on Shego's face as the pale woman dozed. It was irritating that Kim felt like she lost more arguments than she won with the older woman. A smile tugged at the corners of Kim's lips, if she wanted to kiss another woman it would probably be Shego. _"Not that I want to kiss her,"_ Kim reminded herself. _"But if I did want to kiss another woman it would be Shego."_

Kim continued to look at the pale woman's face. _"What were you and mom really talking about?"_ Kim wondered. _"Does she really think I'm interested in you..."_ Kim reflected on Shego's words, why Anne might think Kim was interested in Shego. _"Okay, maybe she thinks I'm interested... I'm not interested that way!"_ Kim lightly stroked Shego's long dark hair. Shego was beautiful, there was no denying that fact.

Kim stared at Shego's lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss another woman. _"What were you doing the last couple days?"_ Kim asked herself. _"Did you go back to Drakken... No, Wade said he set up something for you. Wade wouldn't have you do anything for Drakken. So what were you doing?"_ She continued to stare at Shego's lips, which were beginning to look more and more inviting. And suddenly Kim found that frightening.

"Wake up!" Kim ordered, shaking Shego's shoulder firmly.

"Wha...?" the groggy woman managed to utter.

"Wake up, we have to leave, now."

"What's wrong?"

"I... I need to go. Hurry."

"You can go in the bushes."

"It's not that. I'm... I'm not feeling right."

"What's wrong? What are the symptoms?"

"It's... I'm having a panic attack."

Shego stared blankly for a minute. "What have you done with the real Kim Possible?"

"It's not funny! We need to go!"

"The real Kim Possible isn't afraid of anything. You're an imposter."

"Please, Shego. Please? I need to go back."

Shego dropped the teasing tone. There was real concern in her voice. "Take a deep breath, Princess. Try to relax. Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

"No! I..." Kim took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to regain control. "Sorry. Don't know what happened. All of a sudden I was scared and just wanted to go home... I still want to go home."

"Scared?" Shego asked in a calm tone, trying to get Kim to relax. "What scared you?"

"I don't know," Kim lied. "You've never had an irrational fear? I was just relaxing, you were napping, and suddenly *BAM*."

"I don't like calling people liars, even when they deserve it. But something set you off. Was it me? Leaving home and starting college? What will you do with the rest of your life? C'mon, Princess, we've slept together now, you can spill your guts to me."

Kim hesitated. "Probably all of that you said... Mostly you, I guess. We've been enemies so long, and you said you were going to try and seduce me and... and... And now I kind of like you and I don't know if you... How much of this is just a game for you? Are you laughing at me inside and thinking I'm an idiot for starting to like you?"

"You kind of like me?" grinned Shego. "Good! I kind of like you too."

Kim's heart beat faster. But she was still in panic mode. "See, that's the problem!"

"Ya lost me, Cupcake. How is that the problem?"

"I don't know if I can trust you! Are you saying that because it's true, or it's the lie you want me to hear?"

Shego reflected a second, "Okay. I understand your fear, I think. You believe I'm not going to fight you, don't you?"

"I wouldn't have brought you here if I... That's different. You knew I wasn't in any condition to fight you physically so you said you were going to try and seduce me, and... And I don't know what you're doing to try and seduce me. Is this all just a game to you?"

"What am I doing to try and seduce you? You mean besides taking you out on nice dates and treating you like a princess? You said you believe that I'm not trying to hurt you physically?"

"Y-yes," Kim hesitantly answered.

"Okay, what can I say, or do, to convince you I'm being honest?"

Kim held up her right arm, her thumb and three fingers curled into a ball, her little finger extending upward.

Shego rolled her eyes in disbelief, "Please don't tell me you want a pinkie promise? I'm trying to treat you like an adult and you're acting middle school."

"Just link your little finger with mine. You can lie other times, but if our fingers are together do you promise to tell me the truth?"

Shego shrugged. "I'll promise not to lie. I reserve the right to ignore your question."

"Close enough."

"And you are asking me to touch you."

"You had your head on my lap!"

"You're wearing jeans!"

"You're being technical!"

"The person asking me to join little fingers with her in a pinkie promise is accusing me of technicalities?" Shego said in a mocking tone, as she linked her little finger with Kim's. "Does this go both ways? Do you have to be honest with me as long as we're in this silly position?"

The redhead took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Okay. Deal. I get first question. Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Well, duh. I told you that a couple months ago."

"Doesn't count. The question doesn't count! I meant, is this just playing with my head or do you kind of like me some way?"

"I like you, Pumpkin. Once upon a time I would have never said that, but over the years I've come to tolerate you, and even like you. When I decided to seduce you I... I'm not sure what my motives were. But I hoped you'd enjoy it too, even if it was just a one night stand for us. And now? I want to make love to you, but it's because I really want to make love with you and not to hurt you. Now, my turn. Was your panic attack mostly about me?"

"NO... Yes. Thinking of you as... as a friend. It's scary. What happens when you go back to Drakken?"

"Why are you so sure I'm going back to Drakken? Even if I went back to Little Boy Blue, would it be any different than it has been the last year or so? I mean, I've saved your ass a couple times. You've saved my ass a time or two. We might fight, but it's been a long time since we've seriously tried to hurt each other."

"But I didn't think of you as a friend! Did you think of me as a friend?"

Shego thought a moment, "No, I didn't. But we already fought without trying to hurt each other, would being friends really change anything? Maybe we'll get together afterward and compare bruises. So, can you consider me as a friend without it bringing on a panic attack? Even lovers have fights. We fought as enemies, without trying to seriously hurt each other. We were enemies. We've moved past enemies. We've moved way past enemies. I want to keep it growing. I think we could have a wonderful relationship, if you could get over your fear."

"I... How much do you like me?"

Shego released her little finger from Kim's and rolled her eyes in disbelief. "C'mon? That's a kindergarten question. It's like, 'I'll be your best friend if you'll be my best friend and we'll bury Timmy in the sandbox'. Seriously?"

"Okay, it's silly. Sorry. It's just hard for me. I'm getting to like you and I'm afraid to like you, if that makes sense."

"Sadly it makes perfect sense, Princess, especially with our history. But I'm getting to like you, and you're getting to like me. You may panic. Me? I get happy at the news. Can I give you a hug?"

"Uh, sure," Kim agreed.

They put their arms around each other and embraced.

"You're way too full of yourself," Shego told the younger woman, "but you're okay."

"Like you can say I'm full of myself," snorted Kim. "You're the poster girl for smug."

"Yeah, but it happens I really am all that," laughed Shego.

The hug continued. It felt good to both women. It felt very good to both women. Kim began to realize it was a mistake, but it still felt good. Shego dared to start feeling optimistic, when Kim suddenly pushed her away.

"Got to go," gasped Kim.

"Another panic attack?"

"Yeah... We need to go."

It was a quiet drive back. Shego realized anything she said to try and reassure Kim would probably be misunderstood and hoped Kim could work through her own fears.

* * *

As Monique opened the door to the apartment she heard the television. Shego was sprawled out on the couch, vacantly staring at the television. "I was going to ask, 'How was your day, Dear?' but it looks like it was lousy. Not catch up on sleep? Last couple days rough?"

"All the above, and then some," agreed Shego. "Kim woke me up when she called. We went on a picnic, and she flipped out on me. I–"

"Flipped out on you?"

"Some kind of panic attack... Told me she liked me, then had to get away from me. I calmed her down, and she went crazy again. She thinks she likes me, but won't believe I like her. She... Anyway. I got a lot of stuff I need to do before I clear out. I was making phone calls and fighting red tape all afternoon. There are definite benefits to crime. You don't get transferred from one person who would love to help you, but that's not her department, to another person who would be equally willing to help you, if he could. But he'll gladly transfer you to the person he thinks can help. And who can't. Go through that seven times and–"

"Seven times?"

"Maybe just five. It seemed like an eternity. I could have robbed three banks in the time I spent on hold."

"It sounds like you're not going back to Drakken."

"Change of subject. I bought steak and asparagus for dinner. You're cooking. And I'm not very hungry. Lot of lunch and stress. You can have the bigger piece of dead cow."

Monique glanced at the television set, "Forensic Files?"

"Yeah. Just in case I decided to go back to crime, got to stay up on what the labs can do. It may be a good time to get out of the game, they're developing some incredible stuff."

Monique headed for the small kitchen. "Mind if I start dinner, I'm starving."

"Go ahead."

"Can you tell me anything about what's going on with you," Monique called as she worked on dinner.

Shego turned off the television and came in to sit at the table and watch Monique work. "What's up with me... Nothing definite at this second. Looks like a couple things will happen, but I don't want to jinx myself my telling you about them. That's just daring the evil eye to gobsmack you."

"Okay, without details, you say a couple things... Two job offers?"

"One job offer. Other is..."

"Volunteer work with the Boy Scouts? Building Habitat for Humanity houses in Guatemala? Applying for a grant to discover why boys waste time with video games?"

Shego actually chuckled, "Yeah. Something like that. The job I'm looking at doesn't require many hours, I need something else to do with my time."

"And, I'm going to be optimistic, and want to think that – if you get it – you won't... You won't be working for anyone like Drakken. I mean, your skill set isn't working daycare for toddlers, but I can't see Wade–"

Shego gave her a quizzical look, "Wade?"

"I saw the ID on your phone."

"Tell anyone?"

"I told Kim. Anyway, Wade isn't the most ethical guy in the world, but he's not setting you up with another Drakken."

"You figured out Wade can be a bit, uh..."

"Oh yeah. Kim might believe everything he says. His heart may be in the right place, but he isn't as honest as she thinks. Hope it works out for you."

"So do I."

"And my guess is, you'll do something you can't talk about even if you get the job. But the reason will be," Monique gestured 'air quotes', "national security. You're gonna be Bond, Jane Bond."

"No," Shego told her sharply. "Last few years of my life? They scream security risk. No way Feds would offer me a steady gig, and I wouldn't want it even if they offered."

Monique was skeptical of Shego's protests, but decided not to argue. "This morning you mumbled something about leaving next week?"

"Think I need to leave Thursday... If the other thing comes through."

"Other thing... The one where you kept getting put on hold or your call transferred?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Better tell them at the Y. I'm sure the women you've been teaching self-defense will want to give you a farewell."

"You think so?"

"Bet you five. I'm claiming you for your last night. I'll take you... Well, it won't be too fancy. Kinda weird," Monique chuckled. "I'm gonna miss you. I haven't had a lot of hostage experience, but it's been fun. Think I'll ever see you again?"

"Hope so. You're the best friend I've had since... You may be the best friend I've ever had."

"So, some night while I'm at Yale there may be knock on my window, and duty calls me to assume my secret identity of Wingman, sidekick to that shadowy figure of the night, Alpha Man?"

Shego sighed, "Sorry, just not in the mood for that conversation right now."

"What did... Oh, the picnic with Kim? Her panic attacks?"

"Yeah."

"Want to talk about it? You must have it pretty bad for her. I warned you it was a bad idea... Of course, this isn't exactly why I warned you against it. But you aren't the first person to end up falling for the one you were trying to seduce."

"I wasn't trying to hurt her! I thought it might be fun for both of us! That was all I wanted. We'd both have a little fun while I was here in Middleton."

"Okay, you weren't trying to hurt her. Still a dumb idea."

"You don't have to be so smug about it."

"I enjoy being right. So do you."

"Yeah, but–"

"Panic attack. Exactly what do you mean? Tell Sister Monique all about it."

Shego took a deep breath and hesitated before starting. She was not used to sharing her feelings, but she wanted to talk. "I was sleeping late, minding my own business, and Kim called and demanded I go on a picnic with her."

"Her idea?"

"Absolutely. Anyway there's some spot up in the hills she thinks is kind of special and we went up. Everything was fine. We ate a big lunch, everything was fine. She gave me the third degree on a conversation I had with her Mom, and then I put my head on her lap to take a nap. Everything was–"

"You had your head on her lap?"

"Hey, she used me for a cuddle toy for sleeping at the concert. And she woke me this morning before I was done sleeping. Fair is fair. Her turn to play pillow."

"Okay, sorry to interrupt. So, you're there with your head on her lap..."

"And suddenly she's shaking me and yelling she's got to go. I suggest if she needs to go that bad she can use the bushes, but she says she's having some kind of panic attack. Apparently watching me sleep set her off somehow. She likes me, but doesn't know if I like her. I calm her down. I tell her it's safe to like me, I like her. We start to hug and... It was a great hug. I really liked her arms around me. And suddenly she pushes me away and yells we have to get back to Middleton. What is going on with her?"

"You scare her!"

"I wasn't trying to hurt her!"

"I know that, but look at the history you two have. She's got to be suspicious of you, and you even told her you were trying to seduce her."

"I should have lied to her?"

"No, I... You got me confused. You were amazingly honest. Maybe Kim overdosed on honesty or something. You're being honest, she's just not used to you being honest, and she's suspicious."

"So basically, I'm screwed, is what you're saying? Anything I say or do she'll just think I'm lying?"

"You're doing the right thing. Look, things don't always work out the way we want. Sometimes you can do the right thing and... Would you rather have a real thing with Kim or a one-night thing?"

"Thing? Interesting euphemism. When I got here I wasn't thinking real relationship, or at least I wasn't looking for a real relationship with her. Now? I could see us together."

"Then you're doing the right thing. Your only hope with Kim is to be honest with her."

"'My only hope' doesn't seem to be doing me much good," grumbled Shego.

"You lie to her and you've got no chance at all. She doesn't expect the truth from you. You keep being honest, keep hitting her with the truth, and she'll learn to believe you."

"I don't want her to believe me, I want her to love me!"

"She's not going to love you unless she believes you first. Kim wants honesty."

* * *

Shego turned in early. Monique sat on the couch, not paying attention to the program on the television set. Monique did not remember the name William of Occam. She had heard it three times in a history class, but she retained few names and even fewer dates from the class. Nevertheless, she was a disciple of William of Occam: the simplest answer that fits all the facts is probably the best answer. And the best answer to the puzzle of Kim Possible appeared to be she had a crush on Shego.

Not that Monique would say that to Shego. There was a chance she was wrong. Monique wouldn't say it unless she was certain. And Shego probably suspected Kim's feelings. It made sense to Monique. _"Kim is not afraid of Shego,"_ Monique told herself. _"If Kim were afraid of Shego she wouldn't have asked her on the picnic. She wouldn't have let Shego... That should have shown Kim that Shego trusts her. But if Kim had a panic attack, and she isn't afraid of Shego... She isn't afraid of Shego physically. Kim isn't afraid of Shego, she's afraid of her own feelings."_

Kim needed to be honest with herself. Easier said than done. Monique closed her eyes and thought. _"There's got to be some way to force Kim's hand..."_ The black woman remembered the queen's gambit. It worked on Kim's dad. Only Monique needed Kim to play the queen's gambit. It needed to be Kim who appeared to offer a 'sacrifice', but only to obtain what she really wanted for herself. If Kim refused... Well, that was Kim's choice. Kim had to decide whether she wanted to go for happiness. _"Better not tell Shego. This could all fall through."_


	15. Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

 **Historical context for story** : I usually set my Kim Possible stories in the time period when the program originally aired. Kim Possible premiered in 2002. After the 2001 attack on the World Trade Center we find the Vice President and the Attorney General of the United States saying torture was okay. That paranoia is reflected in this story. John Ashcroft, taking Stalin's USSR as his model, urged Americans to spy on their neighbors. The administration began an illegal domestic surveillance program, which Congress later retroactively declared legal after it was discovered. I didn't invent this.

 **Historical music tangent** : Folk singer John McCutcheon wrote Ashcroft's Army, mocking the AG for urging Americans to violate the civil rights of their neighbors. After ridiculing the idea of turning paranoids free to snitch about everyone they dislike it asks where the Department of Justice was while huge scandals such as Enron were coming to light – showing businesses had stolen billions and billions of dollars from the people of the US through fraud.

 **Historical note in defense of John Ashcroft** : I think he was a poor AG. That being said, much of the country was in favor of abandoning the Constitution after 9/11, and when neo-cons in the administration asked him to try and strip even more civil rights from American citizens he refused.

 **Torture note** : I bring up torture here as a reminder of the historical context. Not all Americans thought torture or stripping civil rights from US citizens was a good idea, and some paid a price for defending the Constitution. John McCain, who had been tortured as a prisoner of war, was attacked as unAmerican. Many newspapers dropped the comic strip Boondocks when it criticized administration policies. (It was picked up and survived as a cartoon.)

 **Last historical note this chapter, I promise** : It has been shown through history that torture works well only in movies, television programs, and bad fiction. It doesn't matter how well it works in fiction. In real life it doesn't. Torture someone to reveal names – and they'll give any names to get you to stop – see Salem Witch Trials. Louis XIV (reigned 1643-1715) recognized it didn't work and outlawed it... Only to bring it back in the Affair of the Poisons, until once again those under torture simply started naming all sorts of prominent people, and accusing them of wildly impossible crimes, and it was again recognized a worthless. The final FBI report on Bush administration use of torture: it produced no information of value, and some prisoners who had been cooperating and giving information prior to the use of torture as a policy stopped cooperating.

John Sebastian wrote Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind? as he was forming a new group, The Lovin' Spoonful. It appears on their 1965 debut album _Do You Believe in Magic_ and was probably the most successful of their songs

There's so many changes and tears you must hide.  
Did you ever have to finally decide?

 **Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?  
**

During her shift at Club Banana Monique noticed the caller ID and answered her phone, "Yes?"

"Where's the key to the mailbox?" demanded Shego.

"In my purse, why?"

"That's a stupid place for it."

"No it's not. Mom and the boys are gone so... Are you expecting something?"

"Well, duh. Of course not, I'm just bored and want to look through your junk mail."

"You're giving out our address?"

"I had to give them some address. I mean, technically, it's kind of like I'm homeless. Can I come get the key?"

"It can wait until I get off work. Mail doesn't arrive this early, and you were just gone a couple days ago – so you wouldn't be getting any mail yet."

"How do you know?"

"I know the more desperate you are to get a letter the slower it is in arriving. Care to tell me what you're looking for?"

"Uh, not yet. Still too early."

On her break Monique called Kim, "Shego claims you flipped out on her yesterday."

"I did not... Okay, maybe I did, a little."

"Care to tell me about it GF?"

"I... Yeah, I need to talk to someone. Can you stop by after work?"

"Love to, but Shego is expecting something important in the mail and wants me home as soon as possible. I can do late lunch. Mall at two?"

"Sure. Know what Shego is waiting for?"

"Not really, probably has something to do with the fact she's leaving town next Thursday."

"She's what!"

"Leaving town. She didn't tell you?"

"No, she... She should have."

"Maybe she would have if you hadn't flipped out."

"Where's she going? What's she going to do?"

"Look, I don't have time to talk now. Two?"

"Okay. See you."

Monique realized another similarity between Kim and Shego when Kim arrived at Club Banana at one forty-five and asked, "Lunch now?" They were both impatient.

"Brandi's still on lunch break. She's supposed to be back at two. Let's hope she doesn't get on the phone with her boyfriend or she'll be real late."

Eventually Kim and Monique sat down at a table in the now largely deserted food court. "What's this about Shego leaving?" Kim demanded.

"Nope," Monique answered. "First we start with what's going on with you and Shego. She claims you took her up in the hills for a romantic picnic, and then you–"

"She said romantic? It wasn't romantic!"

"Secluded spot? Just the two of you?"

Kim hesitated, "Well... yeah."

"Ever take me there?"

"Monique! It's just this quiet place. I've never taken anyone there before."

The black woman raised an eyebrow. "So she's the first person you took there?"

"It wasn't like that," blushed Kim.

"Just sayin', you must really trust her to take her up to a hills for a picnic. Oh, and she didn't say romantic. I just threw that in, 'cause if someone took me to a secluded place for a–"

"I just wanted to ask her what she was talking about with my Mom!"

"And you needed a quiet picnic for that? What were they talking about? Was that why you flipped out?"

"Shego says Mom told her to clean up her life and go straight. Period. And that is so my mom I believed her. I did not flip out... Then."

"So, what happened? When did you go crazy?"

"It wasn't crazy! It was just a little panic attack. I mean, don't you ever have a panic attack of some kind – worried about a test you've studied enough for, but you're suddenly afraid you're going to fail?"

"Okay. But there is a reason for the panic attack, fear of failing the test. What set you off?"

Kim took a big bite of food and chewed slowly as she tried to come up with an answer. "I'm not really sure," she lied after swallowing. "It was real peaceful. Shego claimed she was still tired – that I woke her up early – and that it was a big lunch. She put her head on my lap. She dozed off and... And... And, I started thinking how dangerous she really was, and I panicked."

"Wait, she's sleeping, with her head on your lap, and suddenly you're in panic mode because she's so dangerous? What's wrong with that picture?"

"It was an irrational fear! It doesn't have to make sense!"

"And then, she claims, she calmed you down, and the two of you hugged, and then you panicked again."

"Okay, I'm not exactly proud of yesterday. She's leaving? When? Where's she going to go? What's she going to do?"

"Why is it so important to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you worried about where she was before? What she was doing?"

"Sure, when she was with Drakken I was always... Is she going back to Drakken?"

Kim's story tended to confirm Monique's theory, that Kim wasn't really frightened of Shego. Kim was frightened of her own feelings towards Shego, and not wanting to face them. If Kim merely looked on Shego as a good friend there would be no reason for Kim to be so afraid of her own feelings. The fear episodes, along with Kim's anxious need to know what was happening with Shego's future, made Monique almost positive Kim was as interested in Shego as Shego was in Kim. And Kim would not be happy with how little Monique could really tell her of Shego's plans. "She hasn't exactly told me anything. I'm making some educated guesses, and some uneducated guesses. She has two things going on, both probably have something to do with taking off for a couple days after Wade set her up with something. And Wade would not send her back to Drakken. She said something about a job that won't take much time and looking for something else for most of her time – and she's fighting red tape like most of us did to get into college."

"College?"

"Just an example. I mean, you had schools you didn't even apply to writing to say you'd been accepted. Most of us had to jump through all kinds of hoops. I had two fallback schools to apply for, as well as Yale. And I had to juggle all three. Whatever she's planning to do has her making calls and getting transferred to someone else."

"You said two things."

"Well, the job is one, and the thing taking all her time is the other. Wade's good, he would have set something up to go so smooth she wouldn't be needing to make a ton of calls. So Wade is behind the job. I guessed that it was the Feds, they could arrange a pardon if she turned agent or something. But she says the job doesn't take much time and says her history makes her such a security risk the Feds would never hire for an agent. At first I figured she was lying, but it makes sense. They don't want someone who spent years with Drakken anywhere near classified information."

"So you think she's telling the truth about not taking a Federal job?"

"Shego seems to be honest with me. She claims she's being honest with you too, but you won't believe her. She can be good at technicalities. I forget exactly how I worded the question about her becoming a government agent, but she said 'no' to that question. So I believe her 'no' to exactly what I said. But I can't rule out anything else, like it's something just a little different from what I asked, or working for Canada or... But she says the job doesn't take much time... I got nothing."

"And you said she's leaving town Thursday?"

"Yep, at least that's what she's hoping," Monique responded. Monique caught a note of sadness in Kim's voice, which she added to her mental file of Kim's feelings.

Kim hadn't realized the sadness showed. She told herself she was glad Shego was leaving, it would make her life much easier. But the voice saying she was happy at the news wasn't nearly as loud as the voice within her reminding her of her feelings yesterday as she looked at the sleeping woman's beautiful face and stroked her hair. If she could just make it through the next several days without talking to Shego, or seeing the green woman, she'd probably get over it and be fine when college started in a few weeks.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home," Monique called in a cheerful voice as she entered the apartment a couple days later.

"Did you get the mail?" demanded Shego.

"Of course. And before you ask, nothing for you."

"Damn."

"Interesting piece of junk mail."

Shego narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Some college trying to recruit me, must not know I'm going to Yale."

"What college?"

"Oh wait," Monique said, looking at the address label. "My mistake. No one here by that name must be a–"

"Damn it, girl, hand it over!"

"Oh, you think it's for you? What's the name? Is that your new identity?"

"Don't make me hurt you."

"Here, Phoenix," Monique told her, handing over the envelope. "Where'd you get the new last name?"

"On-line Latin dictionary," Shego told her as she ripped the envelope open and scanned the contents.

Monique gave her a few seconds, then asked, "And?"

Shego pumped a fist in the air, exclaimed, "Yes!" She then grabbed Monique, twirled around with the black woman three times, and gave her a fast kiss.

"So, good news?" Monique chuckled when she was released.

Shego shrugged and answered in a cool tone, "Oh, not really."

"Liar. Does this mean you may come down to Yale and need Wingman's help?"

The green woman's sigh was real. "Maybe someday... Right now, I... Not ready yet."

"Sorry." Monique apologized. _"You've really got it bad for Kim."_ "So, I'm going to assume this is the thing taking most of your time. Care to tell me anything about the one Wade set you up with?"

Shego gazed at the ceiling for minute before answering. "I want you to trust me on something."

"You got it, I won't tell anybody – not even Kim."

"That's not what I want you to trust me on. I'm asking you to trust I'm not supposed to tell you, and you really don't want to know. I'm serious."

"I'm not sure... Can you tell me one thing? Is there a chance you can get a pardon from it?"

"Yep. That's what this is all about," Shego assured her, waving the letter from the college for emphasis. "That, and this, and I may have a life again."

"And another brand new name to go with it."

"New name is a small price to pay for a new life."

"And, of course, a new life demands a new wardrobe. You need a trip to Club Banana."

Shego shot her a look of mock disgust, "Okay, you're right. I sure hope you're going to major in business. You should be teaching it."

* * *

As Shego selected outfits at Club Banana, Monique had an idea on how to force Kim's hand. There was no point in telling Shego. Kim might reject the idea. What did she tell Kim? She didn't want to lie, but there were details which might be left out to make the story... Of course, if Kim learned the truth she'd be angry with... She'd be mad at both Monique and Shego. But if Shego told the truth, then everything could go great. _Could_ go great. Would Shego recognize how important it was to tell Kim the truth? Would Shego be afraid of the truth messing things up? That might be the most uncertain part of the plan.

"Still don't know why you're skipping the self-defense farewell," Shego told Monique as she dressed for the party.

"I don't want to take take up any of your time. You have a lot of women wanting to say thanks. Besides, I have you all to myself tomorrow night before you leave."

"Okay, that's the story I'll give if anyone asks. I think you're sneaking off to see some hot hunk."

Monique laughed, "Just remember, I have you tomorrow."

As soon as Shego left, Monique called Kim. "Hey, GF, I could use some help."

"Sure. What kind?"

"I need help picking out a nice outfit, could you–"

"Your taste is great! You don't need me."

"Trust me. Tomorrow is Shego's last night in town. Meet me at Club Banana in ten?"

"Okay," agreed Kim, wondering why Monique needed a special outfit for Shego's last night in town.

Fifteen minutes later Monique offered an explanation at the store, "You've known Shego longer than I have. Can you help me pick out an outfit she'll like?"

"You've been living with her for months. You're buying a going away outfit for her?"

"No, buying an outfit to wear tomorrow. One she'll like on me. We're going to have sex and I–"

Kim's jaw dropped, "You're what?"

"I owe her, for watching–"

"You owe her sex?"

Monique shrugged, "She claimed if she watched Steve and Nelson for a certain number of days I owed her. I mean, I figured she wouldn't be around as long as she was. Turned out, with someone here to help me, Mom stayed with her sister longer than planned, so I owe her."

"You don't have to do it! Being forced into sex is rape."

"Kim, I owe her. She gave me the conditions, and I accepted. Fair is fair. I mean, you agreed to date her if she went on some missions. You felt like you needed to–"

"It wasn't sex!"

"Just saying, I accepted her terms and she's really helped me. She might let me back out, but I won't ask. I owe her. And I figure it'd be nice to make her last night in Middleton something special... You know, I kind of blame you."

"Blame me? I didn't tell Ron to try and tackle Drakken. I didn't tell you to go with Ron. It was your idea. I'd have told you not to do it!"

"I'm not talking about that."

"What are you talking about then, how is this my fault?"

"Well, not really your fault. I said sometimes I feel like that. You may not have realized it, but Shego was trying to find someone nice to spend time with while–"

"I know, she told me."

"Well, she told me that if I could find someone really nice to introduce to her I was free of my promise to her."

"I don't see how anything is my fault."

"Once she started crushing on you she didn't want to go out with anyone else."

"She was really crushing on me?"

"Worse than we were on Hiro when he was in town."

"She never said anything! She hasn't called me the last couple days!"

Monique made an, 'I don't know' gesture. "She said nothing, or you didn't believe? It was obvious to me. Why hasn't she called? Why haven't you called her to apologize? She claims the last time she saw you that you pushed her away. True or false?"

"True," Kim grudgingly admitted.

"Would you call someone who treated you like that? I want her to enjoy her last night here in Middleton, maybe get some of the taste of rejection out of her mouth." Monique grabbed a red sweater and held it up, "Think Shego would like me in this? It's kind of warm, but I'm not sure how long I'll be wearing it."

Monique had hoped for Kim to say more, but the redhead didn't. Kim took a sullen approach in her suggestions for Monique. Monique hoped it was jealousy rather than anger at either Shego or herself.

Monique returned to her apartment, wondering how late Shego would be out. She turned on the television, and within the hour her phone rang. "Kim?"

"Monique? I... Uh... You said Shego would accept a substitute?"

"Yeah. Oh, there were some rules, something like no skanks. Why?"

"I was, um, thinking I could... I mean, this is kind of my fault that you–"

"Kim, I told you that sometimes I just feel that way. It's not your fault Shego fell for you."

"No, I mean before that. You went out to Drakken's lair with Ron because you're my friend. You wanted to help me. It isn't fair for you to have to pay a penalty for trying to help me."

Monique wanted to sound cheerful, it came easily. "Kim, I can't ask you to do that. I mean, I'd be totally grateful, but I'm the one who made the promise to Shego. It was my brothers she was helping. It wouldn't be fair to ask you."

"You're not asking me to do anything. I feel guilty that you got taken hostage while you were trying to stop Drakken and–"

"It's not your fault you were sick. C'mon GF, mono happens. You've saved the world so often I needed to try. I'd love to get out of it, but–"

"Let me take your place."

"You're sure?"

"Uh, pretty sure. Kind of nervous, but I feel like it's my duty to help you for trying to help me. Now... What's up? Where... When?"

"I've got a long day at Club Banana tomorrow. Stop by, I'll give you a note saying–"

Kim interrupted in a hesitant voice, "You really think she loves me?"

"GF, I'm sure of it. Anyway, like I was saying, come to the mall tomorrow and I'll give you a note, saying you agree to sacrifice yourself in my place. I'm really grateful."

"Time and place, remember?"

"Sorry, just so happy I– Hernando's tomorrow at six for dinner."

Kim, being Kim, made Monique think that, having decided on a course of action the cheerleader would see it through. But there was the chance Kim might regret her decision and back out. Monique decided it was still best to not tell Shego.

Shego was in bed when Monique left in the morning. She put a note on the refrigerator. "Hey, looks like I'm getting sprung early. Moving dinner hour back from 7:00 to 6:00. See you then."

It was two in the afternoon when Kim stopped at Club Banana. "You said something about a note?"

"I did. How are you feeling about this? I mean, I feel a little guilty asking you to take my place. You didn't sound very sure of yourself last night."

"That was last night, and you didn't ask me. I'm a big girl, this is my choice. The note?"

Monique slid a folded piece of paper across the counter. "Here, you can read it if you want."

Kim opened the paper and read:  
"Kim is taking my place tonight.  
She's paying the debt I owe you for watching my brothers.  
Please, be honest with her."

Kim smiled at the last line. She assumed Monique was telling Shego to be honest about her feelings towards Kim. That was not exactly what Monique meant. She knew how important honesty was to Kim. Did Shego recognize that too? Monique had left out some details when talking with Kim. Shego would be tempted to ignore the details herself, but if she wanted a long term relationship she needed to avoid temptation and tell the truth.

At six Shego arrived at Hernando's and found a nervous Kim sitting beside an over-sized purse on a bench in the waiting area. The green woman was puzzled by Kim's presence, and uncertain what to say when the redhead spoke up.

"I'm here to take Monique's place tonight."

"She can't come? I'm having dinner with you?"

Kim blushed, "Dinner, and..." She handed the note to Shego.

Shego took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she read what the note. "Uh, let's have dinner and, uh, talk." As they waited for a server to lead them to their table the green woman inhaled the aroma and asked, "What kind of place is this? It smells..."

"Central American," Kim explained. "You were expecting Mexican? Family of refugees from El Salvador."

As soon as they were seated Kim went on the offensive, "I can't believe you forced Monique to have sex with you!"

"I don't force anyone to have sex!"

"That was the price for watching Steve and Nelson!"

"She wanted me to watch them, that was my price, she accepted."

"That was wrong!"

"It was her choice... And besides, I didn't think I'd be in Middleton that long. I was just playing with her head, make her squirm a little. I'd be long gone before we hit the magic number when she had to pay."

"So you weren't expecting sex from..." They fell silent as server arrived with water and menus.

The break allowed a change in the conversation. Kim laid the note from Monique on the table. "Monique said you should be honest. How do you feel about me, really?" She stared hard at the older woman, who seemed to have trouble framing an answer.

"Damn it, Kim, do you have any idea how hard it is to say 'I love you' to a woman who keeps rejecting you?"

"I wouldn't know," Kim agreed. "You have any idea how hard it is to say 'I love you' to a woman who's tried to kill you?"

"You love me?"

"You asked a rhetorical question, I asked a rhetorical question."

"One of us has to say it," the thief hissed.

"You say it, you're more mature."

"I am not mature," snorted Shego. "I'm just older than you. I'm the most immature person you've ever met."

"You still have to say it."

Shego extended a shaking hand across the table toward Kim, "I... I love you."

Kim smiled and intertwined fingers with Shego. "And I love you."

Shego glanced at Kim's handbag and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, toothbrush, change of underwear," Kim blushed.

"What did you tell your mom?"

"How–"

"I know you, and your mom. She asked where you were going, and you told her. Told her what?"

"I said it was your last night in town. She's relieved you're leaving."

"And not happy about," Shego nodded at the purse.

"No, she–"

The server looked at the closed menus, "Are you ready to order, or want me to give you a couple minutes?"

"Two pupusa platters," Kim answered. "Lorocco instead of refried beans, if you have them. A side of yuca frita, and one of panes rellenos – could we get those on separate plates to make them easier to share?"

"Sure," he told her cheerfully and picked up the menus, "Anything to drink?"

"I'll just have water," she looked over at Shego, who wondered what had just been ordered.

"Me too."

The server left, and Kim told Shego, "Ovaltine is not on the menu here. You ordered for me, so I ordered for you."

* * *

Monique looked at the clock. Ten minutes until her shift ended. She desperately wanted to know if Shego had told Kim the whole story – that Shego had released Monique from her promise. How would Kim react to the news? Would Shego be too afraid of what would happen if she told Kim the truth and remain silent, to try and get Kim into bed? What would Kim think of Shego, or of her, when she eventually found out?

* * *

As they finished their meal both women felt nervous. "Dessert?" Kim asked, hoping to delay things another few minutes.

"I'm kind of thinking you're dessert," Shego told her. She sighed, "Kim? Let me see the note from Monique again. The part about the truth."

"Why?"

Shego reread the note. "Guilty conscience. What Monique told you... I don't know exactly what she told you, but it might not have been the whole truth."

Kim looked confused, and a little angry. "You two concocted this? You didn't demand sex for watching her brothers?"

"Keep your voice down," Shego whispered. "That was true. And I told her she could find a substitute to take her place."

"It wasn't just a game, you really wanted sex with her?"

"I mean it was a game, and then she took it seriously, and then I was going to... But then I didn't. Look, I don't know what she told you when she asked you to take her place, but–"

"She, uh, didn't ask me to take her place. I volunteered. But I didn't know you two had set me up!"

"I didn't set you up for anything! Wait, you volunteered to take her place? Really? Look, I came here tonight simply to eat dinner with Monique. And you're here, with some note, and I had no idea what was going on."

"You weren't in on this? This was Monique's idea? But you said she owed you sex for watching her brothers... I'm confused. What's your version of the story?"

"The story?"

"You. Monique. Sex."

"Okay, you have the start. I got to Middleton, she asked me to watch her brothers, I didn't think I'd be here long and was just kidding when I said if she owed me fifty she'd–"

"I remember you two talking about owing each other, was that part of it?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I was sure I wouldn't be here that long, except it turns out I was. And she was taking it seriously, so I started thinking that, I mean Monique is hot, and I figured we might both enjoy it. Except then I started falling for you, and when she tried to have sex with me I–"

"Monique tried to have sex with you?"

"Not tried, offered. She offered. It was right after Steve and Nelson left, she had me buy a bottle of wine for dinner, to help give her courage. She said we should have sex and then I should get out of town before I got hurt."

"You're making my head hurt. I don't understand."

"She could tell I was falling for you. She said you'd never fall for me, and I'd be hurt when you pushed me away. So she said we should have sex and I'd leave Middleton before you slapped me. I thanked her for the offer. I told her to keep her clothes on, and I confessed I hadn't really expected sex from her in the first place. She was free of any obligation to have sex with me."

"She knew you didn't expect sex? She tricked me!" Kim started to push back from the table.

Shego quickly reached over and grabbed Kim's hand, "Can we talk for a minute?"

"No! ... I guess so."

"You said Monique didn't ask you to take her place, you volunteered?"

"But I didn't know you weren't–"

"The question was, did you volunteer to make love with me tonight?"

Kim shook her head yes.

"And what's in your bag?"

"I told you."

"You came prepared for us to make love. And what did you tell your mother?"

"I didn't tell her we'd have sex!"

"Want to guess what she thinks the two of us are doing tonight? Look, I've told you the truth, I fell in love with you. I sure wasn't expecting to, but it happened. You said you love me. You planned on us making love tonight. Is going home really what you want to do?"

Kim was silent for a minute before speaking, "I'm scared."

"I'm scared too. What are you scared of?"

"I've never made love with a woman. What are you scared of?"

"Rejection... Not being able to make you as happy as I want you to feel."

"You really want me to be happy?"

"More than anything in the world. And I'm really hoping you won't say that going home will make you happy."

* * *

Monique watched television until midnight. Shego was not back, and the black woman felt certain why. She might be wrong. Shego might be in some bar getting stinking drunk. Monique hoped that wasn't the case. _"Probably a motel,"_ thought Monique. She was grateful Shego and Kim hadn't come to the apartment. " _Too awk-weird."_ She doubted they were at Kim's house. The nagging question was still whether Shego had dared to tell Kim all the details. She turned off the television and went to her bedroom, hoping she hadn't made a terrible mistake.

* * *

Kim awoke with Shego's arms around her. Her movements caused to Shego to wake up also.

"Last night felt good?" Shego asked.

"You know it did," purred Kim. "I... I can't believe you're leaving! We say we love each other, we make love, and then you leave? You can't! Not after last night."

"Sorry, Pumpkin, but I have to."

"You... You're going back to Drakken?"

"What's this Drakken fixation? I quit little blue boy couple months ago."

"You quit?"

"Well, he'll claim he fired me. He told me I had to get back immediately or he'd fire me. So I quit."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It didn't matter, then."

"So where are you going? What are you going to do?"

"Ever heard of Innsmouth College in–"

"Innsmouth? That's, like, thirty miles from Miskatonic! You'll be at Innsmouth? What are you teaching?"

"Teaching? My status will be incoming freshman."

"Wait, you already have a college degree. Ms Go had a degree in–"

"There is no Ms Go, Cupcake, and the degree was fake, depending on how you define fake. Real degree from a fake school? I probably have more than twenty-five degrees from on-line 'colleges' that give you any degree you want if you send them money. I 'earned' them under five or six names. Three are PhDs. And I'm ordained clergy in four on-line churches. I collected them, you never knew when something might be useful."

"But Mr. Barkin–"

Shego laughed, "Barkin was so happy to get a pretty teacher he didn't verify my credentials. I imagine he was royally pissed when he found out there was no Ms Go."

"I don't understand. Why were you here then, and claiming to be Ms Go?"

"I needed you to help me save my brothers from Electronique. I mean, you'd helped against Aviarius... But Electronique is a lot more dangerous, I was afraid you might turn me down. I figured–"

Kim lodged an accusation, "You aren't telling the truth."

"Sure I am. New leaf, remember? I'm telling you the truth."

"You're saying you lied about Ms Go, and the degree, and just wanted to trick me into helping you. But Wade scanned you, and said you were a hundred percent good."

Shego sighed. "You want the truth? You really want the truth? You think you can handle it? Wade lied."

"Wade doesn't lie."

"Yes, he does. A scanning ray that can tell if someone is good or bad? Think about that for a minute. How do you measure good or bad? Politicians would outlaw it. Want to be a priest? *ZZzzzzz* 'Oops, only eighty-nine percent, we're trying to do better. We've raised the minimum requirement to ninety-four. Want to be an investment banker? *ZZzzzzz* 'Sorry, you scored fifty-three, we can't hire anyone who is above thirty-seven percent good.'. I mean, the police would just line up suspects and scan them if you could tell how good someone was with a ray gun."

"But why would Wade say it, if it wasn't true?"

The green woman shrugged. "Maybe he wanted you to think he can do anything. Maybe he thought it was true. I mean, Drakken got hit and turned really good. Ron got hit and turned really evil. Wade probably figured I turned as good as Drakken did that time."

Kim looked puzzled, "So why didn't you?"

"Hell if I know. Maybe my power makes me immune."

"You didn't change at all?" asked Kim in a skeptical voice. "You were trying to get me to help your brothers, and you weren't changed at all? I guess you faked losing to me when we fought Aviarius, so they could get their powers back."

"I was that obvious?"

"You were."

"Maybe it changed me a little... I mean, I put up with Barkin."

"And you were very nice to me."

"It's easy to be nice to you."

Kim grinned, "Good answer. Oh, maybe Drakken is really evil, and Ron is really good, and so they switched a lot. But you're more a chaotic neutral so–"

"Chaotic neutral?"

"My cousin Larry made me try some role play game. We had to pick a moral alignment. There were things like 'lawful good' which meant you're always good, or 'lawful bad' which sounded weird to me, but it meant you always had to be bad. There was something called chaotic neutral. A chaotic neutral player might do anything. Maybe you're a chaotic neutral and that's why the attitudinator didn't change you very much."

"Makes as much sense as anything else."

"Shego?"

"You're going to have to stop using that name."

"Why?"

"Shego is a crook. I'm a non-traditional college student because I waited several years to enroll. The new me is Phoenix Viridi. Sound Italian?"

"Are you Italian?"

"No, what does that have to do with anything?"

"What if you get arrested?"

"I'm sort of hoping for a pardon."

"Sort of hoping?"

"One is offered, if I do some odd jobs."

"Such as?"

"I'm not supposed to talk about it... Except maybe to a spouse or trusted lover... Are we lovers?"

"You can ask that after last night?"

"One night doesn't count. I'd... I'd like to keep... I want... Damn it, Pumpkin, this still isn't easy."

"Telling me that you love me?"

"Yeah. Think you can put up with me for awhile?"

"I can try. It'll be easier when you can start telling me you love me."

"Like you find it easy telling me you love me?" snorted Shego.

"We'll adjust. So, you said you can tell a trusted lover what you're going to be doing?"

"Only in general terms. Maybe it would be better not to ask."

"I want to know. Monique thought you were going to work for some government agency, but you said no."

"She asked if I was going to be a regular agent. The answer to that was 'no'. I'm a burner for an agency which will remain nameless."

"A burner?"

"I'm expendable."

"I don't like how that sounds."

"It's not like they plan to get rid of me or anything. It just means officially I'm not on the books. I get caught and they can deny knowing me. I don't know who actually knows about me. I don't know any agents, so I can't betray anyone even if I wanted... I think that's more an issue with international burners. I'll be a domestic burner."

"You sound like a stove."

"Means I don't travel overseas. My handler gives me a job, probably planting a bug, and I do it. Someone accuses Fred of being a terrorist. There's no evidence Fred is a terrorist, but right now the country is crazy paranoid. There are still some judges who respect the law and won't let you bug Fred without evidence."

"Fred seems an unusual name for a terrorist."

"Not really. Most terrorists are home grown. Your name is Omar or Abdul and the Vice President and Attorney General will let you get water boarded. The guy who blew up the office building in Oklahoma City? Home grown. Biggest attack on a school in the US was like nineteen-thirty in Michigan. Home grown. Unabomber... Easy to point fingers at the Muslims right this minute, but our born and bred loonies kill a lot more Americans than foreign terrorists. Back to Fred. Maybe he's totally innocent. Maybe he just dumped his accuser's sister back in high school. But right this minute the government wants to check out any accusation. I mean, the Attorney General is asking people to spy on their neighbors. They want to check out Fred. He's probably innocent. They don't want to take any chances. I plant a few bugs and I get rewarded with a pardon."

"You're breaking the law!"

"The government is asking me to do it."

"That doesn't make it right."

"I'm chaotic neutral, remember? Your words."

"It's still wrong."

"How about I promise to stay honest once I get a pardon?"

"It's still–"

"Kim, let me guess. When you were playing that game with your cousin you picked lawful good, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah."

"Okay. I'm not. I'm willing to try and clean up my act, but I'm never going to be as clean as you are. You've got to accept that, and it's what one branch of the Feds is looking for right this minute, and they promise to give me a pardon. I want that pardon. Would you rather I was free or in prison?"

"I want you free, but I don't like what you're doing!"

"I don't like it either, and I don't plan on making a career of it. Good news is they don't want me in the system long, I might learn something damaging to national security or something. I do a couple jobs, hopefully freeing the Freds of the world from being flown to secret locations and tortured. They hand me a pardon. Then I never talk about it again, or I could be arrested. And they never talk about it again because they want to claim it never happened."

"But it's still wrong."

"You said you wanted me to be free. That's the price it's going to take."

Kim sighed, "Hold me a few minutes. Tell me you love me. And we both pretend this conversation never happened."

Shego pulled Kim close. "What conversation? Only thing we've been talking about is how scared I am to be starting classes."

"You're really scared?"

"I've been out of school for years. I've been reading a lot of stuff... But I don't know about some of the basic education classes I'll need to take."

Kim smiled, "I know someone who can help."

"You're right. Yale isn't that far away! I can call Monique and–"

"Shego–"

"Phoenix."

"In bed with me you're Shego. And I don't want you talking about Monique when you're in bed with me."

"Jealous?"

"We're still new at this, remember? If you love me, don't tease me about someone else until I'm really secure about our feelings."

Shego grinned, "Any idea how long that will take? I'm willing to spend years telling you how much I love you, if you'll let me."

Kim smiled and gave the older woman a kiss, "I can definitely live with that."

-The End-

 **I lied, another historical note** : I put what I remembered off the top of my head as the biggest attack on a school in US history into Shego's mouth. Actually, in May 1927, Andrew Kehoe planted dynamite throughout a school in Bath Township, Michigan. Had all the dynamite gone off as planned it would have killed all school age children in the area. Some of the dynamite failed to explode, but 38 were killed and more injured.


End file.
